“Sometimes we just know how to be. Other times, we need the lesson.”
A few of you ladies asked me this over the years and I was never really sure how to answer. You ladies would ask, “What makes a classy woman a classy woman?” or some variation of that question. I think I share little nuggets of how to be classy spread out in each topic in some way, but we can talk about it directly. And before we get into it, I do believe that class can’t necessarily be taught, although there are such things as finishing schools for girls to teach them how to be in proper society. Class is learned through lived experiences like the reactions you get when you do or say certain things or speak a certain way.
In my recent LinkedIn post, I spoke about “Code Switching” and how it can be not only necessary but also beneficial if you know how to do it well. What I did not mention was that Code Switching is relative to levels of class depending on your environment. Like I have some friends who sometimes get me hyped up and I do or say things that may not be seen as classy or acceptable to some people or certain circles. If I have a friend who has so much live energy when we hang out, my live energy will probably come out too, because I feel comfortable with that friend to do that. Does that make sense? So just because a woman is labeled as classy, doesn't always mean she has to fit that mold for everyone or means that she stays on that pedestal in every scenario or situation.
So ladies I made a short list for you and I guess this can be translated for men too.
Dress with Elegance & Self Respect
This is something I always talk about. Your appearance is the first thing people notice, so choose clothing that is tasteful. Dress in a way that shows you respect yourself and your body - outfits that are elegant, modest, and timeless. I like clean lines and simple colors. When it’s cold, I invest in long coats. Although, every now and then people may see me in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and even then I keep the aesthetic simple.
Master Your Manners and Etiquette
How you treat others reflects who you are and this is very much for men and women. Being polite, using "please" and "thank you," and showing respect goes a long way no matter what type of relationship you have with someone. Good manners and etiquette, from table manners to writing thank-you notes, show you care and value others. It's the small gestures that make a big impact.
As a matter of fact, when I traveled and stayed in hotels a lot, I would leave a thank you note to the hotel staff. I do not do that as much now, instead I leave a Google review to engage more customers for the hotel. Actually, I am a Google Reviewer. I reviewed many restaurants and businesses throughout the years, you may see some of my reviews if you look up any of the places I’ve been to.
Back to writing thank you notes, I think it’s a lost art and no one really taught me to do it, I just feel it’s a kind gesture. I sort of still “write” notes to my loved ones, but instead of handwritten notes, I create an image with a message on it to express my thoughts of them. And I think that’s just a beautiful act of expressing your gratitude for people. Honestly, I do not notice many people doing that. Even with my professors, at the end of each term, I’d sent them and email thanking them for anything the guided me on or helped me better understand certain lessons. I guess I am just a thankful person, and sometimes I can be overly thankful, but I rather be that than not at all.
Practice Kindness and Respect
Classy women are kind. It's that simple. They treat everyone with respect, whether it's a friend, a stranger, or someone they disagree with. They don’t catch attitudes or make ugly faces, they remain composed and confident. Kindness also means staying out of gossip, and being someone who is fair and compassionate.
This is actually something that came about recently and I did not see it as gossip, but someone was saying unfavorable things about another person I know. I did not entertain what that person was saying, instead I redirected the conversation by making a statement to let that person know, “Hey, I know this person you are talking about, and I do not agree with what you are saying.”
Of course I did not say it in those words, because again this is where Code Switching makes sense. I said it in a way that I knew that person would understand my position about the individual they were talking about. In a separate occurrence, there’s a clique of people who…I don’t want to say they gossip, but they do share a lot of information about other people and I’ve always made it clear to them that I don’t like hearing bad things about people. So I’ll ask questions or say things that redirect their opinions of people.
Stand by Your Values
Knowing what you believe in and sticking to it is a big part of being classy. It shows that you're strong, confident, and not easily swayed by what others think just to be liked or fit in. A classy woman knows when to say no and doesn't compromise her standards please others. If it’s within my values, yes, I’ll make changes or do things to make someone feel more comfortable.
Now, I fit into multiple circles and networks of people. I’ve always just had that knack of being someone who can mix in with any crowd. The main thing anyone who knows me can say about me with confidence is that I am very personable and charismatic, I don’t know if that is something that can be taught, I’ve just learned how to make others feel seen around me. Does that make sense? But not matter what group I am associating with, I am still strong on my values. But I also don’t push my values on others, that’s another element of class; accepting the fact that everyone is not exactly like you and not using it against them.
Stop Oversharing and Be Private
This is another one I am big on. Keep personal matters to yourself and avoid broadcasting your life, like on social media or in conversations. Share selective information to selective people and maintain a sense of mystery about yourself. Being private adds an air of sophistication and ensures that your life isn't open for unnecessary scrutiny or gossip. And sometimes gossip is inevitable, but you do your best to be mindful of your surroundings and how you conduct yourself or what you do in those surroundings, because there’s aways someone paying attention.
Invest in Personal Growth
Never stop improving yourself. Don’t I always advocate this? A classy woman is always learning, whether it's reading, taking a course, or trying something new. Personal growth keeps life exciting and helps you stay confident and capable. When you invest in yourself, you feel better, think clearer, and naturally become more graceful and elegant.
And sometimes personal growth is taking the time to just be by yourself so no one is interfering with your growth. Sometime you need to separate yourself from people who always need some type of update from you for their own reassurance. People who are dependent on you and who are not your family or close loved ones can drain you and influence you to think you have to make big adjustments in your life in order for them to feel secure. They are blocking your growth. And that might be difficult for you to accept, but the reality of it is not everyone who leans on you is leaning on you for the best reasons. Be aware of that.
Be safe everyone.
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