“Nah, baby, you’re better than that.”
I do not jump from man to man. I give time and space between my love affairs. I don't do the whole “I’m hurt so I need to make hoe-ish decisions” or “He did me wrong, so I’m going to do something to do him wrong.” - No, that was never my M.O. I took strategic steps after each lover. For those of you who are new, I never use the term “boyfriend” and I don’t like saying “My man”. If I am romantically involved with a man, he is my lover and I’ve only ever had one husband. And the last time I called anyone a boyfriend was in high school. If you prefer to use those terms in your life, by all means, speak how you are most comfortable. This is the dialogue I am comfortable with using. Like I said, I don’t jump from man to man and I give time between each man, six months at the minimum, and that time can last anywhere from just six months to… I’ve gone several years between partners before. It all depends on what my focus is or what is all going on in my life at the time.
Right now, ya girl is finishing up the last leg of this doctorate program and the research aspect of it is kicking my ass! When I step away from my computer and maybe step out to a drink, I am taking that time to decompress my brain. The other day, I took a study break and my mind was in such a daze, I couldn't even focus on what anyone was saying to me, I kept zoning out and thinking about my paper.
But one thing NONE of my previous lovers can say about me is that I was a dumb broad who wasn’t about much. Even with my first pregnancy, I was still ambitious. Probably even more so because I didn’t want to be a bum parent. But anyway, yeah, no man can ever say I lacked intelligence. And I cannot speak for any of my previous lovers, but I would like to believe that at some point in time they realized I deserved more than what they were willing to give me and that I didn't succumb to the woman they wanted me to be but instead stayed on the path of how I'm intended myself to be. No matter how they treated me while we were involved, I want to believe that whatever they think of me now, at the very least they know I'm a good woman and an overall good person who wanted a love that wasn't easily defined and wanted someone to accept me as I was, as I am, and who I will be.
And this topic isn't shaming anyone who gets into relationships easily, most men do it all the time. They fall for a female that makes them feel good and they get hooked. Sidebar, I heard something the other day that stuck with me. A woman said that men lie because they aren't the man they believe themselves to be so they lie, hide the truth, or bend the truth to make themselves seem more than what they actually are. Ladies, gentlemen, what are your thoughts on that? Let it sit and get back to me.
This healing vs. hoe-ing thing is important to distinguish. I don’t find it healthy to heal through someone else. Like if something is fractured in my life, I am not going to lean on someone else to help me get over it, get through it, or forget about it. For instance if I just got out of a relationship, I’m not going to lean on a new man to help me move on. It’s the same if I’m dealing with something heavy in my life, I’m going to give myself time to navigate through it the best way I can.
This doesn't mean you can accept any type of support, we all need some form of it to feel loved and to know we’re not alone, but for me, I won’t depend on support. And some people may say that's a flaw, okay if it is, I accept that, and to be honest with you, even my father doesn't understand why I want to go through things by myself. He’s even said that I shut people out. So hey, Dear Future Lover, this may be a red flag for you. But at least I’m not out here being free-spirited about who has access to me.
But if you are the kind of person who needs that physical comfort or needs someone with you to fulfill whatever is missing or lacking in your life, then do what is best for your health and happiness because some people do need that type of gratification to get through things, I’m just not one of them. Everywhere I lived in my adult years, there may be just one man that people can link back to me romantically. I just don’t move around like that.
I think in a topic a few months ago I mentioned something about a hoe phase, never had one, never wanted to have one, be remember I recently told you guys that I believe loose women don’t get good blessings. And this is not to be religious, it’s a spiritual element too. I’m special, and you should think of yourself that way too. And how special can you continue to be if you give yourself to just anyone. And men really get me with this especially when they get wrapped up in women who aren't even on their playing field all because maybe that woman kept doing things to get his attention or kept feeding his ego or kept making him feel “young”. Fellas….babies, I know you like the attention, I know you like when pretty girls hype you up, I get it, but can you at least deal with a woman with something more than a trail of dope boys, and looking at the floor pictures?
C’mon fellas, especially my mature and dapper gentleman, you know you can do and deserve better than a girl with a loose free-spirited mindset, with questionable direction, and who’s mainly attracted to your appeal for their own self worth. Think about that, you fellas don't see what we see and think we have a problem when we try to tell you about it. Especially my good men out here, you're the standard, don’t link up with someone who lessens your value. I mean if you're going to hoe out, ladies this is for you too, then at least hoe out with people in your spectrum.
Be safe everyone.
