“Loving Hard Isn’t Always The Best Way”
Let’s break down this concept. We usually hear people say, “I love hard”, but is that really a good thing? I’m one of those people who used to say it and here’s what I’ve learned about this concept in my experiences with relationships.
What do we mean when we say we love hard? I supposed it means we have strong feelings towards someone, but let’s translate that a little bit further. Having strong feelings is not necessarily a problem, although it can become a problem if the other person doesn’t share the same sentiments. Loving hard roughly translates to the idea that you are all in on a relationship and you would do anything for a person, that doesn’t sound to bad, right? But let’s keep diving deeper. Loving hard could also indicate someone being very possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous. Are any lightbulbs going off in your heads right now?
It’s great if you deeply care about someone, but it’s unhealthy if you constantly need to be updated on their whereabouts, what they are doing and what they are planning to do, or what decisions they are going to make. Of course there’s some gray area here if the two of your share a home, have children together, or make financial decisions together, then yes, you should be informed of decisions surrounding those topics. Outside of that, you really just have to rely on what you know about the person.
If I am dating someone, I don’t expect him to tell me every move he’s making. Maybe in conversations with him, he may give me a heads up on what he may do, but I wouldn’t expect him to give me all the details. Here’s my thing, if you are living in the wrong, there’s nothing you can do right by me (that statement is more for deeper thoughts). If you are just playing games with me or keeping important information from me that I would need to know, then your moves are going to be hurtful to me in one way or another. But if you lay out who you are and your intentions, I don’t have to wonder about anything or feel like I need to be reassured all the time. My love is now delicate. I can love the flaws you have or the imperfections in our relationship as long as you are also aware of these things and keeping them in mind when you interact with me or make plans with me.
I can be invested in you without needing to know everything about you, but I do need to know things that may affect our connection or our availability to each other. For example, if you are a father and you take your kids to soccer practice every Saturday, then I know those days are unavailable to me, unless to tell me differently. I’m not going to take advantage of that time to go be cozy with someone else, that’s unfair to you, and doesn’t speak highly of my character either.
I am going to love someone as delicately as they allow me to. I’m not an advocate of going through someone’s phone or telling a man to show me his messages. If a man leaves his phone around me and it’s facing up, I’m turning that damn thing over. I don’t need to see anything that’s not for me to see or anything that he has not voluntarily shared with me. I’m not competing with anyone. I am in my own league and in my own lane. What you love about me or what you hate about me is your prerogative. I am a woman of value and means. You can accept what I bring and communicate with me what isn’t working for you or you can completely shut me out. As an adult, I would hope you know how to use your words by now, but I cannot expect everyone to have the same levels of maturity.
I have my life, you have your life, we can blend certain parts of our lives, but I don’t expect anyone to expose me to each inch of their world if we have not tangible connections such as a marriage, children, and financial assets. If I can only enjoy you on those small areas where our lives are blended, then I want to focus on that time. Anything outside of that, if it doesn’t affect me or have a negative impact on me, then it has nothing to do with me. It’s on us to keep the drama low or non-existent and big contribution to that is communicating and being transparent about of our intent with each other. I’m grown, I can’t deal with half ass conversations. We have to be good a talking to each other, otherwise, we are left to our own perceptions and sometimes our perceptions aren’t clear or 100% accurate. So ladies and gentleman, just talk to each other, so we don’t have to experience any unhealthy “love hard” type of relationships.
Be safe everyone.
