Partnership

Have you ever been in a relationship where your sole purpose was to met your partner's needs?  I do not know the ratio of people who fall victim to such circumstances, but some of us do get confused with what a marriage is suppose to consist of.  

You may be expected to cater to your spouse, but what does that mean in turn for you?  Are you always the one making compromises, left out on making decisions for the home, adjusting your schedule, and subduing your wants and "needs" to appease your significant other?  Does your words go unheard?  Do your emotions get unattended to?  Do you feel as if you are always needing to prove how much you are willing to do just to show how much you love this person?

At one point, I did believe that a marriage meant to follow the husband's lead no matter where it ended up...I know now how wrong I was.

In a marriage, you are still TWO separate people coming together as a union.  You are not becoming ONE person.  My needs are just as important as yours.  Do not make a decision about our household or our family without my input or even considering my input.  Do not feel that what you say or think holds more weight than what I say or think.

Repressed Memory: I had completely forgotten about this, maybe because of how shocked I was to hear someone I loved say this to me....While I was in the process of finishing my degree, he told me I was wasting my time and money when I could be doing something better with it for our family...even as I am typing this out, my eyes are filling up with tears...How dare him tell me that it is a waste of time to better myself.  How dare him look down on my efforts to achieve more in life.  How dare him think that furthering my knowledge will hinder our family...did he want me to remain foolish and behind him forever?  He must have ill and delirious at the time.

My next relationship will be a bit more challenging because not only have I grown from a young mindset, I am also bringing 2 children in the mix and if he has any, then we will definitely need to discuss how to blend our families.  For the most part, I expect it to be trial and error but, if he and I want it to work then we will see through any and all errors for the sake of love.

Also, just because a woman may take her husband's last name does not mean he has the only say.  He is the leader, yes but, even a good leader listens to his community.  I want my husband to confide in me, take comfort with me, ask for my advice, listen to my sorrows, ease my pain, and not walk away from me.  One of the biggest heartaches you can feel is feeling alone when your are not supposed to be.

Go On

Ummmmmm....I'm not going to say I do this and I'm not going to say I don't do this.  What I will say is that sometimes learning people is about strategy.  Especially when conflict arises, observe what they do, what they say, how they say it, and how they react to your responses, if you give any, in which case, how they react to your silence.  Take mental notes and access your conclusion.  Then decide whether a person is interesting enough to learn more of or if a person needs to become an absent thought.

Conflicts can allow you to see a different side of a person.  Are they stable enough to decipher all parts and still protect their involvement with you or do they get so caught up in their emotions and go rouge that there is no longer a filter to what they say.  Usually, when someone lashes out without pausing to listen, they are showing you all you need to see.  Just sit there and let them feel like they are being heard while you are thinking up the fastest exit out of this connection.

I believe I've had enough serious, life changing conflicts to not want to entertain any silly or minuscule ones.  So I don't, especially with men...What?...Would you rather me be passive aggressive the next time I see a guy who I digressed from and I act like there is no issue but yet, I proceed to make comments to him and handle him in such a way that discretely digs into his hidden insecurities subconsciously making him wish he never said or did anything wrong to me, all while I am smiling, flipping my hair, and sipping on my drink?...Not saying I've done that before...But, a man who wears a mask and takes it off, won't ever have to put that mask back on for me again.....like this dude...

I need to start making a collage of massages like this.  I do not know why they feel the need to make it known "It's cool, I'm not bothered."...Okay, so why am I getting this kind of message from you?...Some men get so beside themselves and behave like women.  I am fine with a man being expressive and having feelings but, I really give my stale face (-_-) to men who react this way after only a few conversations with me.

This message in particular was from an older gentleman, I knew how old he was before I agreed to meet him...so, I don't know where he is coming from by mentioning his age....I was even the one who suggested on meeting for lunch and he thought of the location.  During our meal he mentioned that he was not looking to be serious with anyone, just wanted to mingle and have fun.  He seemed very hedonistic about it.  He said he just likes to be out and enjoy himself.  I had no issues with that since I am not one to jump into any type of relationship....so, I am a bit confused with his statement of knowing who he is and what he can offer a woman...huh?...Again, no clue where he is coming from with that.  

I also learned that he worked overnights and usually has a busy schedule.  I told him to let me know when he was available and we can hang out again.  I heard from him a few times after our lunch but, he never attempted to make plans with me, I guess he thought I would make the first suggestion again....you know my views on this, a man must take the lead when learning a woman....And him being "so observant" by saying I like thugs and worthless men is derived off pictures he seen of me taken with my two of my male friends, who were dressed in polos and jeans and one of them had a baseball cap on.  Mind you, both of my friends are muscular and very diesel looking BUT, they are far from being thugs or worthless.  As a matter of fact, they both have stable jobs, their own vehicles, their own places, very much involved with their children, very respectful to women, and not to mention, the night I hung out with them, they both checked up on me to make sure I made it home just fine....and yet, this man had a few quirks about him that was a bit questionable but, let me not judge him for what he is not aware of...because "Classy I am!"  So again, once the mask comes off, do not bother putting it back on.

P.S. - This is mainly why I hate doing one on one meet and greets or "dates".