Equal or Special

Let’s talk about this whole equality thing for a moment. I am all for women’s empowerment and rights BUT, I do draw the line with certain topics and I am still aware that the male and female sexes don’t always travel on the same frequencies. Refer back to my previous mention of the female brain HERE.

See the text image as an example…Pink felt violated while using a gender neutral bathroom where Blue stated the misunderstanding of what Equality is and Yellow concurs with Blue…as do I.

Even when “Equal Pay” is discussed, we have to understand market segments in different regions on top of work titles, responsibilities, and cost of living. If the argument is a man and a woman are working for the same company, they have the same position with the same credentials, YES their pay should be equal. But, if you are arguing that a woman working for a private company in Texas with less that 2,000 employees vs. a man working in Alabama for a global company with over 5,000 employees with just a salary, not commission based for either, then the argument is lacking relativity.

But pay is a sensitive topic for most, so let’s move on form that. Do I prefer a women’s only bathroom? Yes. Am I okay with shared bathrooms? Yes, if it is a single stall and sink where there can only be one person at a time. Will I use a gender neutral bathroom? No, but if it is my only option then I may consider it. This isn’t just about bathrooms though, this is about how we as women want to be treated. If I am in a professional setting and having a conversation with men, don’t assume I don’t know about business practices or think that I can only relate to female topics like beauty and retail. Now on the other side of things, if I am in a social setting, I still like for doors to be opened for me. I still like for men to be gentleman and be respectful towards women.

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Here is a more personal example in thinking about Equal vs Special: Ladies, say you are seeing a guy, it’s casual you’re still getting to know each other, you hang out, you may be intimate but, overall you enjoy each other. So here is the question: Even though you two are not a couple, would you be okay if he was casually seeing other women too? My guess would be No for many women because you want to be the “Special” one. I get it. There is this stigma that when a man is playing the field he can still be desired but, if a woman has several suitors she cannot fully be trusted…and I agree BUT, I don’t find it attractive for men to be available to every and any woman. Nor do I think women she be that way either. Just my opinion, I know everyone makes their own decisions with their lives. — If you are single, do what you want but as for me, I like to have discipline and standards (because shit, I know my worth). And if I am seeing a guy who chooses to “do what he wants” then okay, I will remove myself from the scenario, because again, I do not find that attractive nor do I want to feel like I have to compete with other women. If he doesn’t know my value regardless of what title we have, then that is his lack of awareness, not mine. Plus, if someone else has the same access as me to a man, then he can choose to spend any of his availability with that person…if you are speaking to someone the same way you speak to me, if you are talking about the same things, and if you are embracing or hugging someone the same way you do to me, then again, go over there. I don’t want to be anyone's option, I’m worth someone’s reason. So if a man so chooses to give the same effort to someone else, I'm good.

Men and women are not fundamentally or socially equal, let’s be honest about that. Although, does that mean one sex should receive more benefits over the other sex? In my perspective, the equality is more about acknowledging that women are more than capable of just baring children and keeping a house clean. Give women the credit of being outspoken, contributing to society and businesses, obtaining their own success, and being able to lead similar lives to men. If I really think about it, I probably more prefer to be treated special than equal, and just be mindful of how fair you are to me as a woman.

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You're Just Stubborn

Have you ever been in a argument and you know your stance is valid but, you are also practical enough to understand that the other person’s stance is just a valid but, you still want to keep going with your opinions?….Yeah, same.

For my astrology people (I do not follow or study astrology that much so correct me in the comments section if I'm wrong about anything), I am a Taurus, an earth sign ruled by Venus; Goddess of love and beauty, likes the finer things in life, nurturing, dependable, grounded, loyal, hardworking, dedicated. I was also born in the Oxen year of the Lunar calendar which has similar characteristics traits. I’ve been told I am the most stubborn mix of all signs…a Bull and an Ox. Well, the other most hard-headed sign is Scorpios who’s presiding planet is Mars which in mythology is the God of war (funny how we connect a Scorpion with war), so these people are considered to have bad tempers and can be secretive and resentful but, it's also said they're known for their passion and loyalty and will fight for what they feel strongly about. Scorpio is also water sign so they go hand in hand with Taurus being an Earth sign and can really thrive with each other if their visions are similar or they could deplete each other…earth drying out water or water sinking earth. So help us all if I get involved with a Scorpio, it will either be WWIII or we’re building conglomerates together.

Anyway, when I hear someone call me stubborn I rather think I’m just very headstrong on what I believe and what I want…even if I’m wrong. It may take me some time to think about that the other person is feeling but, in the moment of a dispute, I can only hear my thoughts. Men are so quick to call us crazy or unstable when we are in midst of an argument but, never want to evaluate their contributions to an issue. Why is that?

Let’s first understand the female brain. There was a book published that also became a movie called, “The Female Bain” which points out that although woman’s brains are smaller, they still have the same number of brain cells as men, just in a more compact space. This was only discovered in 1995. So of course how we compartmentalize thoughts, release endorphins, cortisol, dopamine is vastly different than men.

For instance, when under stress, women like to plan and execute order, we put things where they should be and where they make sense, we organize what we can control. - This can be considered being a neat freak, micromanaging, or having OCD when really we just want some type of order in our lives. Let’s couple this with the fact that throughout history, more “socially accepted” women did better in life which is equivalent to men being successful by being aggressive and competitive. So what that translates to is women being required to be groomed, appealing, attractive, well spoken, sociable, understanding, forgiving, nurturing, and whatever the fck else history has wanted us to be, but men just have to show up and assert dominance.

BUT, when women go against any of those “expectations” mentioned above, we are called stubborn. Do you kind of see where I’m going with this? Maybe it is not me being stubborn, maybe it is the man who wants me to conform to his conveniences because it is easier for him that I comply instead of him setting aside ego and pride to compromise because compromising means to fold and folding to a woman is…unmanly. — Yeah…fck that shit. I will continue to be called stubborn because I’m not going to just say “Yes” to everything a man tells me, especially since I’ve done so much without a male counterpart, so if I have a man in my life, it’s because I want him, not because I need him.

Yet, in all fairness, there is a level of maturity and reasoning needed to be able to be in disagreement with someone and not have it become a damaging toll on how you view or feel about the person. — Then again, learning someone else’s stance on a topic can persuade and determine how close you continue to be with said person.

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So, here a little funny snippet of a text between someone and I. We were going back and forth throughout the day about something really minor and unnecessary but, since we are both the way we are it became something else. Eventually, it died down because I think we both realized how ridiculous it was to be disputing about this particular topic. — Honestly, all of our other minor disputes have been the same way where we ended up being very mellowed and back to ourselves afterwards within 24 hours. Anyhow, what was really the tipping point for me was his text (in white)… I immediately laughed, but I also got upset because he was slightly right — only because I felt like he wasn’t getting my point — but I didn’t want him to know he was right so I just sat there biting my lip wanting to respond crudely and trying to evaluate what to say and not making it seem like I needed to have the last word…so I was like “Fck, let me think before I reply right away because then it’ll just prove HIS point.” It was a painful moment for me and I’ll never admit it to him. 😭😆😂

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