Requiring The Bare Minimum Is Not A Goal

November 28, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Did you guys get enough to eat last week? I didn’t go overboard and do the big family dinner. My spawn of joy hung out with me for a week and we made an agreement that we were all in charge of different meals. My son, breakfast, daughter lunch, and I made dinner. It was simple and suited for just us three.

I did however get a chance to catch up with a good friend. So let me tell you about this man. I rarely ever see him because he never answers the phone! We chat a litte during football season because he one of those who roots for the Cowboys...yeah, we all make mistakes. But anyway, I sent him a message wishes him happy holidays and he responded back inviting me to grap some drinks with him. It was passed 7pm and I was settle in, but because it was him and I rarely hang out with him I decided to get my shoes on and meet up with him. And he's part of the select group of fellas who I absolutely love and adore (granted, I met all of them through someone I began sleeping with, but we still made our own individual friendships with each other and that's what's important). We had a great time, talked about different things going on in our lives...and like most of my guy friends, he asks if there is someone special in my life, so I explained to him where my mind was at and how I want to be sure of certain things with a man before getting involved again. He was very understanding and said some encouraging things to me and like the other fellas in this select group, he hugged me a few times and kissed my forehead as a gesture of love and friendship. And our dialogue is relevant to this week’s topic.

Ladies, this one is for you. Fellas, you probably need to know this too.

Telling someone you are low maintenance is really not what you want. Now if you really don't go out or much or are focusing on certain goals right now, that’s great, but that is not low maintenance because you are putting forth a lot of effort to create a life that suits you. And if you don't need a man to call or text you everyday, that’s also not low maintenance because you have other things in your life that need your time and attention too.

I've even said before that I don't require much from a man because I expect him to at least do the minimum which is reach out me, converse with me, and plan to spend time with me. That's not much, but with how I like things, that will be too much for a man who's not of my caliber. What is simple to me may be complex for you. I don't expect every man to be a gentleman but I expect every gentlemen to know how to treat a woman.

Listen, I'm good on life. I am high maintenance. I take care of myself in the sense of I maintain things that make me happy and keep me motivated. What may look like luxury to others may just be a choice of comfort and convenience to me. Just like people who go on strict diets and spend hours working out, they are focused on taking care of their bodies. I'm focused on taking care of the life I want.

I want for a man to be into me and invested in who I am. I want for a man to show me he cares about me. I want for a man to catch me off guard and impress me. I want him to miss me when he's busy, not just when he’s lonely. I want a man who still chooses me even when we’re arguing. I want him to have a crush on me even after he gets me. I don't have to be involved in everything a man does, but I still like to feel welcomed to it in some way even if he just tells me, “Hey, I plan on going with the boys to LA next month” — Okay, cool. Have fun, tell everyone I said Hi and be safe. Because I at least appreciate him letting me know his plans even though it doesn't directly involve me.

Some of you know Method Man after he evolved. I knew Method man before his evolution…*we are not the same and* ***she ain’t me.***

I have mentioned before about the last man I was involved with we were very much into each other and he was very engaging towards me, inviting me to come out and introducing me to people and communicating with me frequently. But after a few weeks, I noticed his energy shifted even though he said everything was fine when I asked him if something was different. — You know when something has changed, you can feel it. And I started to wonder who he really was vs what he was telling me. You know how some people try to justify their bs by pushing back on you like you're the one who's being too much? I felt like he was doing that to me. I was a little hurt and there were times I’d make excuses for him to help me alleviate some of my hurt and confusion I was feeling. I’m keeping that pain in the past because if I don’t, I’ll never be able to accept any future blessings. Although, I don’t want to go through that nonsense again with anyone. I’m not one of these women who keep making dead-end choices with their lives, work, friends, family, money, relationships, etc. I’m someone who strives to keep elevating. I cannot have someone who tries to reduce me especially when I’m letting my guard down.

So even though you may not want to put pressure on a man by letting him know the caliber of woman you are, you still have to him know that you have a set of standards and it's okay if he can't meet them, that just means he's not for you. I want a man who is about me and stands by me. Say if were hanging out with a group of people and I’m ready to leave. I don’t expect him to leave with me, I’d appreciate it if he does, but if he still wants to hang out, that’s fine. Although, if after I leave and people are kind of make side remarks like, “Why is she acting that?” “She’s no fun.” “She’s being standoffish.” — I don’t want for the man I’m sleeping with to co-sign their comments and encourage any negative thoughts about me, I want for him to defend me. So if that is too much to ask of a man to do, then yes, I require more than the bare minimum. I don’t need our particular situation to be serious, but I want him to be serious about me…does that make sense? I don't want a man who worries what other people see with me. I want him to stay focused on what he sees in me.

If you tell a man you only require the minimum, he's likely to just give you the minimum because that's what you told him you wanted. Remember in another post I said to not limit your value? Setting the bar low for these men is not going to achieve much. Do you want to go to a GYN who graduated at the bottom of their class or at the top of their class? Give your heart the same criteria because a man who is on the same level as you isn’t going to feel any pressure because he knows what all it takes to be above the minimum. That's what you want.

Why Do Men Do This?

November 23, 2022

Next: Watch this video.

Now I'm not saying all men are like this, but I am going to say that too many women have made men to believe they can treat you any way because you make it too easy for them. WHY?! There's 8 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. So unless you have self-esteem issues or plan to stay in your little town and not explore the world, I’m not talking about going to Atlanta or Miami or any of those superficial places where all you do is get meet strangers and drunk. I’m talking about taking trips that open your eyes to all the possibilities life offers. There is no reason for you to let a man walk all over you. Some of you women stress me out with this nonsense. And some of you men do too because you know what you're doing with these girls. 😮‍💨

Why are men so hard to communicate with? Anytime you ask them about something or call them out on something their go to line is usually something like, "Believe what you want." And then they turn it on you like you're the problem. The craziest thing to me is men are always saying women never admit they are wrong when men too have an issue admitting to their wrongs. The thing is, women may say or think the wrong things, but men actually do the wrong things.

Coat: Express | Scarf: Burberry | Cream Sweatsuit: Rehab Couture | Shoes: Adidas

And Ladies, I get it, if you like a guy you want to do anything to have him, but Baby, let's not limit your worth for a man who isn't half worthy of you. You're parading around here trying to be all he wants you to be and getting influenced by everything he’s telling you, but your not seeing how he's using your soft spot for him to only benefit himself. STOP THE DUMB SHIT. Because when men like that get around me, I'm apply pressure. I’m not just going to sit here a let you manipulate my emotions to second guess what I want and what I deserve. I’m as reasonable as they come and I keep telling you guys, whatever foolishness you are getting into out there, don’t let it affect what’s going over here. For us not to have drama, don't do something that catches my attention and causes the dramatic.

I don’t care what our situation is, if we are together or just talking and bonding, don’t let your past or whatever you may still be doing in your present to upset my peace and joy with you. Read between the lines of what I am saying. Ladies, I know most of you hate my mindset on this because you think it goes against loyalty, but you have to think about it like this, loyalty isn’t just about not cheating. Loyalty is partly about maintaining a strong understanding of things that you will and will not tolerate and making sure your bond with a person is protected. I like to be practical about men.

So practical that if I see a young lady who always finds a way to be near you and you let her get affectionate with you and I ask you if you're fooling with her and you look away or down when you're answering and you keep skip around my question…Ummm Fam, you're telling on yourself. There's no reason to hide it from me, you are literally displaying it, so just answer the question. 😐 I really don’t understand why men get like this. You either are currently fooling with her or something intimate happened that you don't want to say because you keep telling me you two are just “friends”. Okay 😒 I hate when men try to say they aren't doing anything extra with a woman when they're actions say differently.

Black Turtleneck/Legging Set: The Daileigh Shop

I like having guy friends who openly talk to me without any filters. I have friends who are amazing husbands, but I know some of them do things their wives don’t need to be stressed over. So they are careful and strategic with keeping any nonsense away from their marriages. They are not making more families or homes, they are doing what they do outside and still taking care of their families and keeping things stable. I don’t agree with it, but I respect them for how they do that. Men like this definitely do not display narcissistic behavior towards their wives or the main woman in their lives because that woman applied pressure and set the standard of what she will not tolerate.

What I don’t respect is men making women believe he’s going to leave his family and women holding on to the idea that if he does leave, they are going to have a worry-free life together. I told you I stopped being friends with a woman like this, right? That girl had severe self-esteem and moral issues. I can't be close to someone like that because that’s just going to bring me down.

But it’s a mix of woman being closed minded, not knowing their worth and men taking advantage of that, but when you question them about things they're doing they feel like you're being too invasive and that they are being unfairly judged or you don't understand them, because apparently people like this are never wrong. 🤨

Be Strong For Them, Be Soft For Him

November 17, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead. *My voice is still not 100%. 🤒

Being a woman of several achievements I have to maintain a strong presence in front of people, but I also have to show softness because….I am a woman. But you have to be selective with who you show your vulnerabilities to. You don’t want to get into a situation where you shown all your vulnerabilities to someone and they turn it against you to make themselves look better. You never know who has your best interest at heart or who even really is sharing their heart with you. Of course I'm talking about men in this regard. I’ve published many topics on what I want from a man and although most men may fit the standard they become complacent after some time and forget all the things they did you catch your interest. 😒

The last man I was involved with, we would sort of phase in and out with each other for over a span of many years and there were at least 2 points where we were really into each other like investing into what we both like and wanting to see each other and that was when we first met which was very unexpected because neither one of us anticipated keeping in touch for so long and the second time was when we reconnected after not speaking for a period of time. We would have our highlight moments and our mellow moments and I can admit there were definitely times when I was extremely vulnerable with him especially when there was a point where I had to make a decision that affected both of us and I was almost in pieces during that time. A lot of people don’t know or have never known my weakness or seen any or all of my weak moments, not even to my family. — Now that I’m really sit here and think about those times, it’s like, “What the fck was I doing?” 😵 Because that is always a concern of mine is letting someone see my vulnerabilities and fearing that they treat it like it’s nothing. But you know what? I do not regret showing him my weaknesses and being vulnerable to him in different ways because at those times, I felt completely comfortable with him, I trusted him, and I believed in him. And even though we are no longer involved in the same way now, we are civil, and regardless of what he thinks of me, I’m okay with him knowing that part of me because he was who I was sharing myself with at that time.

I told a friend that I don’t know how to act when I bring the “girls” out.

This is why I do not treat sex as just sex. I am allowing you into my life, I’m sharing my time with you, my personal space, my thoughts, my visions, my moods, my whole personality. I can’t just close off parts of me and still let you sleep with me. I can close myself off to others because they are not experiencing me the same way. Where I may have to maintain a certain persona for others, I should be able to let my guard down to someone I’m intimate with, right? Who I am in my professional life, my work life, my family life, and even my social life is different that who I am as a lover. I want to be able to relax around someone and not feel like I still have to maintain a rock exterior because he doesn’t want to embrace my softer side.

Ladies, you don’t want someone who wants you to fit his mold, you want to show your softness to someone who doesn’t have a mold. Someone who knows your day was shitty and still finds a way to make you laugh or feel better in some way. You don’t want someone who dismisses your vulnerabilities, but yet still expects you to understand when they’re feeling low. I told you earlier the last man I was with we were very much into each other in the beginning, talking to each other frequently, excited to see each other and would just completely enjoy each other. This is how you want it with someone, but not just in the beginning, you want it throughout the whole duration of your time together. You want someone who still shows they care after the first few weeks or months, for instance, I’ve been under the weather the last few days, I would have loved for a man to come bring me food or warm up my comforter or even simply asked if I needed anything just to make me feel better. I love it when a man wants to be present for me…I mean he’ll need to fight past my initial refusal for help, but after he conquers that, he may as well just go ahead an conquer me. — I’ll admit it, I’m on some bs when it comes to asking for help or saying I need someone. I’m working on it, never said I was perfect. 🥺

No, it won’t be rainbows and sunshine everyday with someone, I’m sure I’ve said that before, but if you both make it a point to clear the clouds for each other, then being vulnerable with that person should feel natural, don’t fight it. I had to learn this: when you avoid opening up and not showing your softer side to someone who wants to care, it can cause people to become closed off to you. So you don’t want to be destructive and block your blessings by feeling like you still have to be strong when you have someone who is willing to hold you when you’re not.

I want to end with this thought: Sometimes what we want isn’t what we need and I think this is a lesson we just keep having to learn because with what we want, it is what motivates us and pushes us; what we want is a goal, but what we need tends to humble us, keeps us grounded, and reminds us that we don’t have to be so hard all the time. And if you think about it, sometimes the people we butt heads with the most are the people who are more like us. Either that, or it’s people who want us to be our best and tries to get us out of our comfort zones, but we keep going back and forth with them because we don’t want to go out of our comfort zones.

I embrace every year that I age. I’m so happy I didn’t get into any drugs or smoking, or damaged my organs, and that I took care of my skin because I have seen people younger than me look like they surpass me by at least 10 years. And I love a man who appreciates a woman aging gracefully.

Sometimes people can see when we are not living up to who they know we can be, those are the people who pay attention to us. I tend to question my friends when I see them doing things or surrounding themselves with people who don’t highlight their best traits. One of my friends has people around him that he has know for a few years and I’m not too keen on them, I don’t really share my opinion on it because he considers them as friends and he has fun with them and that’s great, but I do feel like those people kind of drain him and I know people who have known him for 15 plus years and they are the caliber of people who can attest to his character because they’ve been around him and seen him in many scenarios. Although, those fun, free-loving people are cool to pass the time with, there is a limit to how much we allow them into our lives. No matter what type of a connection I may have with someone, if they don’t have the same types of things going on in their lives that I have to account for or be responsible of, then there is only but so much I can relate with them.

Friends should not have to tiptoe around each other when we are making questionable moves. I want you to be great because I know you can be better than what your are showing me right now. — No reason to get upset or defensive with people when they are just trying to open up to you because they see something that isn’t good for you, they are just trying to look out for you because they care. So in this sense, allow people who care about you to point out your vulnerabilities and weaknesses because they just want you to be the best you can possibly be.

Do You Cut Off All Your H*oes Right Away?

November 14, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead. *Rerecorded after my voice started to come back.

Those of you who are activity dating or looking to get serious with someone, do you limit the time and communication you spend with other people? Men, if you are texting multiple women, getting to know them, hanging out with them or at the least keeping the possibility open for something to happen, do you cut down on your interest towards them when there is someone who seems to catch your attention a little more?

This is my opinion and in some case, my experience: Most single men will never tell you if they are interested in anyone let alone sleeping with anyone anyway. Why??? A lot of times when I ask a man if he is involved with someone I pay attention to what his body language says rather than the words coming out of his mouth. Because there are three possible answers: Yes, there is someone. No, this isn’t anyone. Or there is an interest but, nothing has occurred yet. Look closely at how someone shifts their eyes or body when they answer, that will give you an idea if they are being truthful or not. 🤨

Listen, if a woman is interested in a man whether or not you tell her you're sights are set on someone in particular, she's still going to have an interest in you. Well, some women. — With me, if a man says he’s involved with someone, I have no interest in anything more with him. I don't compete in that way, not for a man. That's a messy game and at least one person ends up getting hurt. I’m not going to contribute to that. So I guess if a man does find interest in me, it’s best he doesn't let me know if there's other women around him who are waiting on him or who may have something going on with him. Is this contradicting? 🤔 If I don't know about other possible women, then it won't hinder what I do or say to him, correct? But I think once I do know, it will change the dynamics of my communication with him. It’s like the saying, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you” furthermore it won’t hurt the chances of something good happening between you and someone else because you are not thinking of him entertaining anyone else. 🤔

But as someone who is single, should you only focus on one interest or should you keep your availability open to others. My attention is already spread thin, so it is not practical for me to be available to more than one person. So my answer to this is to just focus on one person. Because I think more than that can cause chaos and drama and who likes to deal with that? — Come into my life, my space, and my aura with peace so we can share it together. Don't come into my life looking for peace because then you disrupt mine trying to create yours. 😠

Think of it like this, would you appreciate someone coming into your life looking to benefit from your income? Or would you rather the person come with their own adequate income so you share your both of benefits with each other? Or even more simply, wouldn’t you want to be involved with someone with their own place or their own car instead of always relying on you to provide it for them?

Some people don't understand this and most men refuse to acknowledge how their actions and words affect a situation. If you're playing the field, more power to you, but you also have to consider that you're playing with people's emotions, spare mine if I’m not going to be good to my heart. If you like to share your time between different people that is your prerogative, but you’ll need to be careful with how you handle things with me because again, I don’t want to get the sense that you’re leaving room for opportunity with another woman who's waiting on you.

My reality is I am not going to juggle people’s feelings because I don’t want mine mixed in with others. If you are openly dating, great. We can be friendly and we can hang out on occasion, but I’m not going to knowingly be a part of your menagerie. If you’re interested in me, don’t hide it, but if you’re interested in someone else too, you’ll need to be strategic about how you share your time and attention. — I don’t care what you do out there, don’t let it affect what’s going on over here. I don’t have the patience for anyone’s nonsense. So if you got fans, hoes, “friends”, cool, don’t have me around them and don’t have them around me. 😠Yes, I will feel some type of way if we are out somewhere and some woman comes up to you and starts hugging on you, then I’m going to watch how you react because that is going to set the tone of our situation, even if we run into each other and you avoid being close to me because another woman is around you. 🤨 Like I said, body language will say more than your mouth does and if I sense any foolishness, things between us are going to change. I’m not going to tell you to cut off your hoes, I’m just going to watch how you act if they come around and I’m right here with you. So don’t play the field, if you don’t have good offensive and defensive coordination. 🤡

What is "WYD" and "WYA"

November 10, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

I’m sure all of you have gotten a text message that reads, “WYD” and “WYA” and for the most part it may come from someone you are either talking, seeing, sleeping with or are fooling with in some way. Granted I’m not getting any of those messages because I’m not giving up my goods to anyone 🔒. But when would get those messages from someone I was sleeping with, I wouldn’t get irritated because it was kind of this unspoken understanding of what those messages meant.

I’m not fully tight just yet, still have a little belly pouch to work off.

But if you are getting those messages from someone you are not seeing, then do the messages have a different meaning? For me, I think I would only accept a “WYD” from someone I’m seeing. I do feel like communication has become very remedial these days and we’re trying to find the quickest way to get a message across, but sometimes messages can be misinterpreted or misleading, so how do we clarify what we want to relay without using so many words because sometimes sending too much can be confusing too. And sending a three letter text message can be taken the wrong way especially with someone who you are still kind of feeling out and getting to know or you are not sure of the status of you two, but why do we have to confuse things and can't just say exactly what it is we want?

The biggest distance between two people is what isn’t said. 🤐

You also have to be careful with your words towards someone who is sweet on you or believes that something could possibly happen between the two of you. Ladies and Gentleman, you know when someone likes you and if given the opportunity, that person will show up at your door at any time you ask, and if you feed into their hopes, then you are the one that’s in the wrong. Sorry to say it, but you are. If you are continuing to entertain the conversations or make plans to hang out with them, then your actions are allowing them to think that something more could develop. Let’s be realistic here.

There’s people who I message and it’s a few words, then there are other people I message and it’s like a book, but my relationships with everyone are fairly the same, just because I say more to someone else via text doesn’t mean another person isn’t more important to me. Someone’s importance lies on who they are to me in my life and what I have experienced with them. Right now I have a few friends whom are dealing with something big and I try to make a point check in on them regularly and to let them to know that I am here if they need me. Unless you have done something that goes completely against my morals, then you are still a part of my life and I will continue to extend my care to you. Although, I am starting to notice that I am more caring to certain people than they are to me, but I still believe that you should be good to people for no reason at all. 🌸 — You cannot force anyone's kindness, you can only show your own. 🥰

When weather permits, the thighs and cleavage are out, and I do wear form fitting clothes at times, but how I carry myself doesn’t always speak to what I’m wearing, you get what I’m saying?

And remember in my last post I mentioned that it is sort of bad manners to not answer someone? Even if there is a lot going on or you are extremely busy, it’s good form to at least say something in return, although I know every scenario is different. Say if I am seeing someone, I would appreciate some sort of response, but since I’m not I have noticed that I get a little antsy when I do not hear back from people that I frequently communicate with, I guess it is may be because I make a conscious effort to response in a timely manner. This is how I picture it in my head: Someone sees my text and looks at it, doesn’t respond. They get a text from another friend and responds right away. I get it, you have different connections with different people, but if I’m simply asking how you are as a friendly gesture, then you can’t say, “I’m good.” even if you don’t want to say much? Takes you less than 2 seconds and most of us constantly have our phones nearby. I guess it’s the feeling of being ignored and nobody likes that.

Anyway, why is it that we have become so simpleminded with our communication. Even at work, I’ll get emails that is filled with text language. YES PROFESSSIONAL EMAILS with slang acronyms and emjojis! If it’s an applicant, I toss their info out, but if it is someone already employed, I redirect them about email etiquette. I was taught to have a professional vernacular and a casual vernacular, and we don’t mix the two.

But if you think about it, as a society we do tend to adapt to modern times, so is this “Short Language” something that we will begin to accept in professional settings? It’s like people don't want to retain good communication skills anymore. I’m going to tell you right now, if I get a “WYD” or “WYA” from an executive or CEO or a colleague that I have no personal relationship with, I’m not answering. 🚫

Identifying Intimacy: A Lover's View

November 6, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead. (2 parts)

We are in November, can you believe it? 2022 is almost over. I hope all of you got to do everything you wanted to this year. For me this year was kind of like a transformation and repurpose year because last year was my pain year due to things I had to undergo and force me to reshift my focus and rebalance a few things. This year was good, I got another degree in May which is also my birthday month so I have a great celebration. Then in August I decided to go back into school and work on a doctorate’s degree. So yeah, this year has been a hustle and there’s 2 more months left, so there’s not telling what more could happen. I’m not a zodiac or horoscope type of person, but I do believe in the magic of the universe and people. I believe that energies connect with one another whether positive or negative and become something bigger.

I just learned that on November 8th there is going to be a Full Moon Lunar eclipse, and the next one won’t happen for another 3 years. With this eclipse, I read that spiritually, it is about ending cycles, and letting go of pain and bad habits. Well why would you want to hold on to those things anyway? Those are heavy to carry. It’s also about getting out of your comfort zones, speaking your truths and feelings, having new insights, opening your eyes to transformation…wait, didn’t I just say this year as my transformational year? And the eclipse is in Taurus ♉️ during the time of Scorpio ♏️, which I do not know what that exactly means, but my birth sign is Taurus, and both Taurus and Scorpio people will be most affected by this eclipse. For fun I added some other details about the eclipse and it’s spiritual elements. 💫

WARNING: This is going to sound like a sappy romance novel which is funny because that's one of genres that I least like to read. And many times in those stories the two people who surprise each other are the ones who either didn't get along or disputed too much or didn't really open their eyes to each other in the beginning. I don't believe there’s a current man in my life whose able to surprise me. I could be wrong, I’ve been wrong before.

I kind of want to be chased, pursued, but men don’t do that anymore these days. They expect the woman to make the first moves. I wasn’t raised like that. I hate this younger social media generation that has changed the dynamics of relationships and love. It’s like the most basic actions like a guy opening the door for you or paying the restaurant tab, or just texting you to say good morning is seen a elite behavior when really, it’s just being a decent man. I’ll just say it, these girls today set the bar very low for these men and woman like me are not impressed. 😒

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll keep saying it: I value intimacy. I love creating a connection with someone, I think when 2 people just breathe in each other, it’s a beautiful euphoria. I value someone who wants to know me on a deeper level and not just what I like to do for fun. Someone who knows that I like the wing flats and saves me some. Someone who says, “No, she is not like that.” when my name is brought up in conversations and he affirms that he really knows me. It’s not just having conversations, it’s seeing me in my all my elements. I want to be special to him, not just someone who is only special on certain days. I want someone to say, “Hey I’m heading to a place you should come.” It doesn't have to be a lot because to me, the little things matter. Like giving me compliments, kissing my forehead, holding my hand, walking me to my door. Someone who chooses me while we’re in this together however long it lasts, and doesn't mind letting other women know I’m important to him. 😘

I want a lover. I like that term, “Lover”, it can mean so many things, but it’s the idea of two people making the most of every moment they are around each other and this may just sound like a good friendship and initially, that is what it is, a friendship with extra care and passion. Just like how you would take care of a plant or maintain your car, you have to cultivate the love. When I say “love” I'm not meaning it in the way couples may use it, I’m referring to it as a feeling of freedom and happiness. And the great thing about having a lover is that sometimes lovers are not forever, sometimes they are temporary and temporary can be any timeframe. A healthy distraction from work and school may be good for me, but with the way I’m going I can’t say how realistic that could be.

I don’t want a marriage, I want a romance. You see, you can love many people in your life and be with many people and each of them is different, right? So I want to have an experience that I've never had before. I want him to hold me like no man has ever before. And I want him to look at me and be so proud to even know me, let alone be able to have me. I want him to smile when he sees me walk into a room or when my name pops up on his phone.

I don’t want us to fit into the world around us, but rather the world be intrigued by us, because we refuse to conform to what is considered normal. Intimacy isn't just sex, it’s the actions of compassion. A homie, lover, friend, that’s what each of us should have…in one person. 🥰

Are You Who You Believe?

November 3, 2022

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

I’m an “excitable” personality, meaning I can be abrupt and abrasive when I want to get my point across or when I just want to vent and say something out loud. Right now, I’m making strides to be better with my communication tactics and to get better at keeping in contact with people and responding to them in a timely and speak good things to them. I can go through distant phases and although people who have known me for a long time know that I mean no harm by it, but is it good practice? Probably not. It's really just bad manners. 👎🏽

You have to think that some people may not NEED you to respond, but instead just appreciate a response. Even if you're busy, you can take a moment and say, “Hey, I’m in the middle of something right now, I’ll call you later.” Or “Hey, I got caught up on a project today, sorry I didn't respond sooner.” Or “Hey, I’m not myself right now, I'll call you in a few days.” — You don't have to share all the details on what's keeping you tied up, just at least let people know you did get their message and you’ll respond when you can. I can't stand the read receipt features, it’s like you're micromanaging your text messages and can cause you to be upset if someone read your message, but didn't respond. I know iPhone has that feature kind of like back when people used Blackberry messenger. 😒 (Yeah, I’m revealing my age a little here.)

Do you know people who you feel you can't give your honest opinion about them because they take it as you're picking at them, or grilling them, or not accepting them for who they are? When really you just see something that isn’t making them as great as they should be. I feel like men are more like this, when you try to share something honest with them and they get defensive and make it seem like you're the one with the issue. — Nah Fam, you’re out here looking like a clown and I’m just trying to tell you about it. — A good friend should be able to tell you when something isn't a good look for you. But hey, if you want to be out here spinning your wheels and stuck going through the same motions, knock yourself out. 👍🏽It's like stop trying to tell a story that your actions don't prove.

You should have people in your life who challenges your bad habits and encourages your good ones. I believe everyone has room to improve upon themselves otherwise you are content and stagnant. And it's not just personal improvements, it’s also financial improvement, relationship improvements, improving your surroundings and the people around you. If I'm the best person among my group of friends then I won’t be motivated to change anything because everyone around me already thinks so I'm perfect so why change? But you also have to think, if these same people are not motivated by you to improve themselves and they stay stagnant, then you're not really doing them any justice either. You're just passing the time with them. — Which sometimes we need people like that in our lives, but we don’t get too close to them.

Some of you have even asked me how to get started with your own website and how to earn money from it. I gave you some pointers, but I also told you it’s going to take time and effort before you start seeing revenue and rewards. Just like with my career, it took a few years before I started earning money that took me into a different tax bracket. But it also took me deciding what type of life I wanted. When I was 19/20 I worked in retail. A store at the mall and I knew this wasn't something I wanted to do long term. Same thing when I was 15/16 and working as a hostess at a restaurant, not for me. So I had to get focused and plan out the money I wanted to make, the skills I needed, and the education I had to earn. And today, things are great, but it can always be better.

No, you are not your career and you are not your money, but those things can improve your life further more improving how you view life. I’m about to have a child in college, she may or may not work while in school because I told her I’d cover all her expenses the first 2 years (and I'm not sure what scholarships and grants she might get, so hopefully my bill won't be too high) and she'll probably have the traditional college life, studying, partying, staying out late, etc. But if my baby is doing better than you or has more ambition than you or you're living similar to a college student minus the studies then how am I going to consider you? Are you where you want to be and are you who you want to be? It’s a bit weird when there is such an age gap between two people, but they seem to have the same mentality. 🤔

I like having fun people around me, but I also like having motivated people around me who are on the same wavelengths in life, who not only make me feel great about who I am, but also inspire me. People who want to keep climbing, I’m not retiring yet and I want to keep my lifestyle a certain way, so I’m still hungry. 😋

And with many people they don’t always remember everything you've done, just the last thing you've done. I learned this in business. I also learned that most men are like this with women, how you made them feel last is what they think first. It doesn't matter if you’ve always been there for them, but if you upset them recently they hold it against you and forget everything else and not think about what you're possibly dealing with 😔. One of my guy friends told me once that someone we both know bullshits a lot, meaning he doesn't always let people know what’s really going on in order to save face or keep a certain image. So he’s not always who he believes he is. I’ve said before that men are stupid right? 😒

We have to remember that we are not the only ones in our lives, don’t mistreat the people who only wanted to love you. And apologizing is not a weakness, it's actually an amazing character trait that shows your willingness to grow and have empathy. ❤️Goodness, if only some people knew all I did in the background to make sure they were okay…but I rather keep that to myself. 🤐

If you say you're a good friend, are you a good friend or are you selective with your friends? Do you notice when you're friends are there for you even if they just stay quiet in the background? What about you as a partner? Are you supportive and listen to your partner? Do you notice when you partner is down? Do you try to make their bad days good? How about family? Are you really who you believe yourself to be? Or can you do better?