The Men We Choose

Friendly reminder that this site is for entertainment purposes only. It’s to invoke intrinsic thought and hopefully encourage people to look at different perspectives.

This post has been in my draft folder since last year (I have a few I still have yet to go through), I cannot remember why I started writing it or what I was going through at the time, but the topic has become relevant again….

Set from JLuxLabel (P.S.. - This is what I mean when I say I’m about to make everyone uncomfortable...him, her, every body.)

Okay ladies, let’s lay it all out. Some of our men problems are because of the types of men we choose or are attracted to. A man is going to act and behave in a way that benefits him, even if it hurts or affects other people. Any of you remember the Donnell Jones song, Where I Want To Be? It’s about a man exploring other potential before deciding/realizing the woman for him was the woman who has always been there from him even when he wasn’t available. Love is a battle field to say the least. There were definitely casualties of war while I was with my children’s father and when I was with the athlete…it was ugly. But looking back, I wanted them for different reasons, silly reasons, superficial reasons, unrealistic reasons. I guess at some point we have to be cognizant of how we are choosing our partners. Yes, the men chase us, but we chose if it is them or not and sometimes it’s…not.

No one is perfect and we make mistakes. Mistakes are the stepping stones in life; What? You think you walk on water and have never done anything wrong to anyone? I have no problem defending someone’s mistakes if I feel they genuinely want to be a better person. Hell, I defended my ex’s mistakes for years until I finally woke up and realized he wasn’t changing…sometimes being the ride or die type of woman will damage you mentally before it effects you physically. There is nothing wrong with standing by a man, just make sure he’s standing by you too.

I guess I believe in more than just second chances. My problem may be that I am too flexible with men. I’m not sure why. — Maybe it is because I was raised by my father (only) and witnessed how much pressure men take on. Internally, men are not any stronger than us, but they are expected to be…maybe that’s why I give them a little more time and grace. So is it that we choose the wrong men or is it that we are more agreeable and understanding than they are? Or are there such things as “the wrong man”?

I guess if we take away the romantic aspect, we are left with who the man is entirely. Just like if a man were to not look at us with any sexual interest, who are we as a woman? In our raw core, are we good people? Are we good to people OR are we good to those who are only good to us? Are we quid pro quo or are we only like that to those we sleep or slept with? So maybe the topic should be not just the men we choose, but also the women that men choose. Why do men choose us? We are emotional, jealous, irrational, overbearing, talk too much, overthink nonstop and…..yeah, I’ll say it…crazy. — Hey fellas, WE can call each other crazy, but you can’t call us crazy, got it🤨? Which leads me to decide that I don’t honestly feel I can ask a man to agree to a special arrangement (see last post for reference: Self-Care, Peace and The V Care). I’m sorry, I cannot bring myself to do it. It’s like being a place card for each other but neither of us are each other’s plus-ones. I may just need to think more on it.

My friend told me if I blink the wrong way this top will show everything. Lol. This is one of those outfits you wear for girls’ night or for someone special.

If I am going to hang out with a guy friend, that’s it, we’ll just be hanging out. I can’t be casual with my intimacy, — I’m either all about you (us) or I’m only about me. If I’m the one making more compromises, that’s not right, don’t have me folding when you don’t even have a good hand (poker reference). I’m a catering person, I like making sure the people around me are taken care of, so if I am sleeping with someone, I not only want to cater to him but I also want assurance that the sentiments are mutual…I don’t want to see you hugging on someone if I was just wrapped around you the other night, because then how am I to know if you’re getting involved with someone else if your eating up the attention right in front of me? — I don’t entertain involved men. There are still such things as STDs😒.

Nah, I’m not choosing any man right now. If he’s confident and strong enough, he’ll need to chose me and present me with something I’m willing to accept, otherwise I can only offer funny conversations and very…. 👀 intriguing outfits😁. I dare a man to approach me with a special arrangement and don’t come with me with any bs. I guess it may have something to do with my inner need for someone to lead and take control. I make so many decisions throughout the day that it would be great for a man to lay out what we are going to do and not make me feel like I’m requiring too much or make me feel insignificant to his life. And with all my current guy friends, I don’t want to change anything with them, they are great the way things are. So I’m not choosing any damn man, he’s going to have to chose me and we are going to go through ALL of each other’s growing pains together. 🥴

Self-Care, Peace & The V Care

UPDATE 1: Some of you answered my questions in the last section. - Thank you.😊

UPDATE 2: I needed to let the answers sink in before I gave my response…(very bottom).

UPDATE 3: The reader further explained her arrangement with her friend.

Taking care of yourself has become a priority over the years when researchers found that stress leads to many health complications which has birthed the whole “self-care” movement. We see ads, images, and events surrounding around taking care of You. What is self-care? - There is really no wrong or right answer. My definition of it is pretty simple, take the time to yourself, relax, cook, read a book, draw a hot bath, watch some television, etc.

My self-care is about letting go of any ill thoughts that tighten my mind. If something is upsetting me, I walk though it — why it upsets me, what my connection is to it, how important it is to me, and then let it go. Here’s one antidote for example: I was in a text conversation the other day and there was one topic that kept getting brought up (hint: when things keep coming to surface, there is still an issue. If you notice someone continuing to mention the same things, there is still an issue, pay attention to it). There was a point in the discourse where I could feel myself getting frustrated and wanted to be like, fuck this, they don’t value my opinion, I give up, but giving up on things is not a strong suit and I had to pause and think, What can I do to aide this problem? After I noticed that the conversation circled around one topic, I decided, OK, I’m going to fix this and it was a very simple solution, so I pulled the plug on it and it never has to be an issue for this person again. The person also mentioned a separate issue that I am absent minded on, so I cannot fix anything that I am not aware of and I can only do but so much when I’m not the only one involved. Part of peace of mind is to release what binds you. When you think of something and it brings you back to a negative space or your facial expressions, body language or demeanor immediately change, and you don’t find yourself laughing, then you haven’t gotten peace from it. — Think on it, sort it out, and lay it to rest.

When communicating with people, you have to pay attention to what You are paying attention to while also actively listening. — Give and receive, not give and take. I am a very analytical person, I look/listen for the intention of someone’s words, the tone, and the content - what are they trying to say to me and how I am understanding it and is how I am understanding it coming across in a way that it is understandable for them? The biggest problem with communication is that we want to express ourselves and get results for us, but we are not open to hearing what results someone else wants. I don’t want to be like that, so part of my self-care is making sure other parts of my life like my relationships with people is grounded, not superficial and deflective. I don’t always shut people out….and sometimes I make plans with the girls. — We are all so spread out in our lives now, careers, families, etc. that it’s becoming harder and harder to get together.

But it was something that one of you said a few weeks ago that struck a cord….

”On my self-care days, I get waxed, washed up, buy some new Vickie’s and call up a guy and have him come over to satisfy me. I do it once a month. I’m not married, not in a relationship, but I still need my needs met to help me release any pent up tension.” 😯

I never thought to think of self-care in that manner, but this person brings up a good topic…Is self-care also “V-Care”? So if we spend the whole day surrounded around taking care of the 😺 does that then take care of everything else? I think in a previous post we had a guy in the comments say something along the lines of when a woman is upset, she only needs 2 things: Food and 🍆. How true is this statement to any of you? I just can’t bring myself to call up a man and say, “Hey. My House. Tonight. 9pm. Bring pizza.” - I’m sure there is more conversation and finesse to this, but let me run through this…

Say if I am having a bad week or my week was so hectic that I barley had a chance to breathe, I take a few hours to freshen myself up and call in some 🍆??? Is there an app for that? 😂 — I guess there is some good health aspects to….ummm…getting your feminine needs met, but I’m trying to wrap my mind around the concept of using another person to do that. This isn’t like a simple massage where you get some muscles worked out and there’s relaxing music in the background with scented candles….THIS is a completely different massage where you get many muscles worked out 😮 ….and relaxing music in the background with scented candles. Are the men okay with this??? What agreements are there? If I’m inviting the guy over, do I provide the food? Do I let him stay over? Do we watch tv first? How does this all work? I’m so mind blown about this different form of self care. I never thought of sex as being self-care, but it makes sense. Am I late to the game??? Am I being selfish with myself???

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UPDATE #1: Thank you to those of you who answered my silly questions, I have no clue what to think of this. I am in shock and awe. 🤣

“Hey Raya! No you don’t have to do any of that stuff. He can just come over for one reason and leave. If you want to go all out, get yourself a nice hotel, it can be local and have a good night there.”

“YES you are late to the game! LOL. But you don’t seem to be that type anyway so you’re good. Some of us need that v-care to stay sane. It’s like getting your routine oil changed in the car. It doesn’t have to be every month. Only when you are really feeling out of it and the regular self care stuff isn’t working.”

“Girl yes! Get you someone to give you a special massage. It can just be a friend or someone you won’t run into a lot. Those spas can only do so much for us. Have a man you can do anything with and not think anything of it the next day except that he helped you relieve some stress.”

“I’m the one who said that. The guy I call is a friend. He is not in a relationship either and he calls me too when he needs something, so it is mutual. We started making a joke out of it and call it, ‘making an appointment’. We do hang out a little before and after because I like to cuddle and because we are friends we just chillout for a little. I don’t want to feel cheap and he understands that. Sometimes I cook, sometimes he brings food or he cooks. When he calls I go to his place. When I call he comes to mine. After we are done we don’t talk about it. We talk about everything else except ‘the appointment’. Both of us are in our forties and I’m not in the dating scene. I’m not sure if he is because we don’t talk about that either, but when I am over his house I don’t see any women’s stuff so Idk. I am an attorney and he is a doctor so we work around the clock. This deal works for us.”

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UPDATE #2: Ok, so how I am understanding this is the v-care is just as important to self-care as it is to mental health, yes? My conundrum is how would I even present this proposition to a man? If I were to consider this, it definitely would not be a stranger, but surely a friend I trust and who is also unattached. I also very much understand the “not feeling cheap” part, so my other confusion is, would it blur the lines if I called him for other things like for example, helping me put together a bookcase or move furniture? Because if he is my friend, would he not be willing to assist me in other aspects of my life or would I need to call someone else for that? Or if I’m just randomly out, it is good form to see if he wants come hang out with me? I’m not in the dating scene either so the special arrangement does have an allure to it, but I feel like it can be problematic. Women tend to be territorial by default, should there be a discussion on how we act towards each other when we are in public and around other people or friends? If we have a special arrangement then how special should we treat each other when in public? Am I overthinking this?

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UPDATE #3: From the reader with the arrangement:

"Raya, I did the same thing and asked myself all the same questions. I’m an analytical person too. I weighed out the pros and cons and the pros outweighed the cons. I was married before and my friend has never been married. I don’t have kids, he has 2 teenagers. We do hangout with our other friends. Everything is the same with our friendship except for when we have our “appointments”. I didn’t propose anything to him, we were just having fun one night when we were out with our friends and he took me home. We ended up having sex. The next day I called him and said that I can’t have this be something and we talked about it. We both came up with it together. We have been doing it for about 8 months so far. And we agreed that if it gets too much then we would stop because we don’t want to lose each other as friends. If you are going to do it, I highly suggest it’s someone you already know and who is kind of in the same boat as you. Another thing is you have to be honest with each other and there are things that you will need to talk about so none of you gets confused. I don’t recommend this for everyone, just people who work a lot or are busy a lot and still want something to make her feel like a woman.

Mind of a Boy

So this topic spawned from “Then What Good Is He?” post where some of you ladies shared your thoughts and experiences with men who seem to be fickle. One of you said, “Men who are unsure have the mind of a child and you will notice younger women around them because most younger women are still developing their futures.” I thought this was a very profound statement and want to go into it more. My friend groups range from 30s and up. I see my guy friends entertain women in their 20s here and there, but it never really works out and many of you can take a guess why. Also, I want to point out, we see older wealthy men or celebrity men date much younger women, but we have to understand their lives are not like ours so we cannot compare those groups together. We are talking about the everyday men, whatever their profession or tax bracket.

Yes, younger women seem to be more sexualized, we can attribute that to social media and reality television. Attention is visual and the mindset of many young women is to be seen and gawked at, so I fully understand why men like to look at them. I have a friend who is near 50 and he once told me, “ Young girls are good for the moment, not long term, they are fun, but unless I’m a man with no direction, I’m not taking a 24 year old seriously.” *I want to add this is NOT a dig at women in their 20’s, our generations were just exposed to different levels of sexuality. My core adolescents did not include any form of Kardashian, but the artists in my generation were Lil’ Kim, Trina, Madonna and Janet Jackson, so my age group isn’t fully off the hook either, but we also had some good family shows like Saved by The Bell, Family Matters, Full House, The Cosby Show, etc. Let’s not forget that Marylin Monroe was sexualized too.

I loved and hated my 20’s, I had my kids young, finished my bachelor’s late, and went through a lot of stress with my ex, but when I think of it, if I waited to have children, I may not have had any today, and I may have not met the people I met or even made the moves I made. So certain poor decisions I made when I was younger helped me develop my goals. Everything that occurred in my 20’s was meant to happen so I can have the life I have today. And when I see an older man with a younger woman, I tend to wonder if this is one of her bad decisions that she is going to learn from or is this a poor decisions on the man’s behalf that’s impeding this young woman to have the 20’s experience she needs. I really believe that your 20’s is when you make all the mistakes, your 30’s is learning/recovering from those mistakes, your 40’s are where you continue to build, and your 50/60’s is when you start take it all in.

So one perspective is if a man finds interest in a much younger woman, is he in denial of his own age or avoiding something else? Another reader said, “A single man above 45 has serious baggage, commitment issues, and other demons.” - I’m not sure if I want to cosign on that, but I do wonder why a man of a certain age is still single. Although, there are men who are lifelong bachelors, but doesn’t he want partnership or doesn’t he get tired of skipping from one woman to the next only to go through the same cycle time and time again? — I guess there are women who do the same. Do you remember Cher once said, “Men are a luxury, not a necessity.” I cannot see myself going from one man to the next, my personal values doesn’t allow that, but I can understand why some women may choose that lifestyle.

Why do we call out men who don’t want to commit? Why are they so fickle and undecided? Are they really just boys trapped in men’s bodies? Because what do boys do? They like to play games and hang out with their friends, they enjoy instant gratification, the look at pretty girls, they cannot articulate their emotions, they don’t like to be challenged by women aside from their mom…hmmmm…maybe the reader who made the first statement is on to something?

People swear they won’t do something then turn around and do it worse.

Three different groups of people I talk to are my family, those I work with, and friends I don’t see often, so I am for certain my name cannot be brought up in anyone’s busines, but my own.

Thanks to one of the readers who sent this to me.

He should challenge you and be open to you challenging him.

Soul Mates, Real or BS?

Let me be honest, I don't believe in soul mates when it comes to romantic relationships. I'm not a love hater, I believe being in love is one of the best feelings, but I also believe you have several soul mates in life. You see, I believe that our souls live on in other lives and connect with other souls they knew from previous lives. That's what I think soul mates are.

You ever notice we bond with our friends differently then how we bond with our intimate partners? When guys get together they can go over the top for one another for support, celebration or whatever, same when it's a group of women. But when it comes to our partners, we tend to be a little more conservative. Why is that? The heart is a funny organ but really it's not where the love develops, it's in your nervous system, your feelings, your experiences, your memories. The heart takes on stress and pain when we get hurt and it makes us feel like we are floating when we love someone. I value my friendships because these are people I chose to interact with and be in my life. With relationships, it gets a little clouded.

At this point in my life I'm making such little effort in being in a relationship that if a man just came to me and said, "You're going to be my girlfriend now." I may just go with it 🥴. As far as courtship and romance, I do think that you can find "your person" in someone you can lean on for comfort, safety, and support. It may last, it may not but in the good moments keep you hopeful, yes? To be honest I really don’t know what I want. Clarity? Reassurance? Stability? A man who isn’t afraid to tell me he wants to see me and take risks with me. Disappointment is inevitable, but it’s the level of disappointment and how much you are willing to tolerate is the struggle. And I know I get so wrapped up in my own pride that I don’t always tell someone how I feel. I think everyone wants to be loved and feel loved, but not everyone knows how to reciprocate it.

It is said that soul mates always find each other. Well, if my definition of soul mates is accurate, then I more believe that some feelings never go away and it doesn’t take much to come together again.

Then What Good Is He?

(Commenting enabled until Fri, 02/11/2022 at 6pm.)

Common Topic Among Women: Why are men flakey? In other words, why are they so into you the first few weeks and then treat you like you didn’t matter the rest of the time?

Here are some of your comments.

1 - “I dated a guy a few years ago and he was great the first month. He would send me cute text messages everyday and make plans with me. He introduced me to his friends and we always had fun when we were together. But then the next month it was like none of that ever happened. I was hurt. I hate when a man make you think he is interested but then turns on you.”

  • I think sometimes men are so oblivious to what they do that they don’t realize how damaging they can be because there is always going to be another woman who has yet to know how this man is and she’ll get all the same treatment until something in his mind tells him that he wants something different, but nothing changes except the women.

2 -”I meet guys like this all the time. They chase you and when you give them a chance they fuck it up. You can have everything, the looks, the attitude, the smarts, the money, but they still will find a way to make you feel basic. Men like this are trash.”

  • I will continue to say this: BOYS. ARE. STUPID. — I have a son and I already see certain things in him that will frustrate some women.

3 - “Men who get all excited about a women in the beginning and then start to shade her later on are still boys and don’t know what they want especially when they realize the woman is on her shit and won’t put up with the nonsense. I delt with a guy like this and when he started to switch things up on me, I started asking questions and then he started to call me paranoid and told me I don’t know what I’m talking about and he tried to use that against me. THIS IS GASLIGHTING!”

  • This is definitely gaslighting. Anytime someone makes you feel crazy for trying to find logic in someone’s actions or behaviors is an act of narcissism and gaslighting.

4 - “Men think that they can discard women and just get a new one whenever they want. The problem is there are so many thirsty women willing to give men what they want and women like us suffer because we have standards.”

  • It does seem like when we set a standard that isn’t convenient for men, they kind of slip back into the shadows and make it seem like we are being too much.

5 - “I think when women become too understanding that’s when men take advantage and think they can keep skating by with their bs. If a man isn’t willing to see his ways and know it’s toxic, then he ain’t no good for any woman. They will flirt with every woman and hug on her and make her think he’s a good one but then he acts like he didn’t do anything to give mixed signals.”

  • I feel like a lot of men are like this. I think they like attention more than women do at times. It feeds their egos to know women want them and sometimes they act on impulses and don’t think about the woman who really cares about them. Again, BOYS. ARE. STUPID.

6 - “Men pull the ookie doke on women. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They ask a woman what she likes and then he plays the part to get her, but after that they lose interest and go and do it again with someone else.”

  • I feel like I know guys like this. They claim to “want to understand you” but then act like they don’t understand you at all. For instance, men who say they don’t mind for a woman to have a social life or hang out with friends, but later makes snide comments about it trying to make her feel bad for being out to doing things without him. Huh?

Here’s the thing, I feel like if you are going to give me great energy in the beginning, then keep it going, otherwise don’t waste my time because all the love I gave you could have been going to someone who is really worthy of it. And it seems like most of you ladies feel the same way. If a man cannot be consistent or treats you like a stranger after a few weeks, then what good is he?

But let me add something else: I have just as many married friends as I do single friends so all connections don’t go sour. Or maybe the married ones just have a certain understanding in their relationship about what is and isn’t accepted. — All healthy relationships have compromise.

Another One

Let’s try this again…differently.

Video Summary:

One of my friends helped me not feel so awkward recording myself. The funny thing is, I'm fine recoding my voice only, but when my face is on camera, I get nervous. So my friend was in a chat on my laptop and picked your questions at random for me to answer while my phone was recoding. It helped that it didn't seem like I was talking to myself.

  1. What is your type of guy?

    • Everyone has a type, if you don’t then you don’t have standards. You have to narrow down what you like otherwise you’re open to just anyone. My men have usually been talk, good grooming, nice teeth, and athletic build. I love a dapper man. As for character, I like him to be funny, fun to be around, I can be myself with him, not judgmental, and shows that he cares about me. 🤗 *Not mentioned in the video - I like when a man remembers or notices things about me that I don't even remember or notice. I like a man who pays attention. 😌

  2. Would you like a sugar daddy?

    • WHAT???!!! Who would ask this? 😂 NO THANK YOU!

  3. You have nice titties. (This is NOT a question. 😐 😑)

    • Thank you to whoever said that. I almost died for these. 😟

  4. Would you ever mess with a married man?

    • ABSOLUTLEY NOT. I have married friends and I respect their marriage. I also have friends that have special arrangements outside of their marriage and they way they do it still respects their spouses, so I do not pass judgment on them. I ended a long term friendship with someone who was in love with a married man, he was not married when they met, but the guy ended up marrying someone else and still kept talking to my exfriend. What really ended the friendship for me was how she was talking about the wife. You NEVER talk down on the spouse no matter what you are being told. And a man who is talking about his wife to another woman is garbage. You never know what is going on in a person’s marriage and there’s always another side to the story. Plus, I truly believe a woman knows who she marries, so the other woman thinking that she’s going to reveal any “surprises” to the wife isn’t doing anyone justice. If you are going to mess with a married man, have your fun and go, but don’t think you are replacing anyone in his life. 🤡 And might I add, even with people who are not married and are in another form of relationship, still a man who discusses his issues with a woman in a foul way is pure despicable. A relationship between two people, no matter the arrangements, still requires a veil of respect. A man who bad mouths a woman to other people, is a man who is unaware of himself.

  5. What is your skincare routine?

    • Nada. I don’t do anything special with my skin. I use a store bought cleanser and rosehip oil on my face at night. I also use satin pillow sheets which is good for your skin and hair. I still get blemishes and blackheads that I like to pick at (I know, it’s nasty). I even like to pick at other people’s blackheads. 🤓

  6. What is your favorite flavor hookah?

    • Which one of my friends asked this question? 😃 Because I feel like whoever asked this has hung out with me before. I like pairing mint with other flavors. I feel that mint makes the hookah taste more potent.

  7. What do you consider a perfect date?

    • A good date involves food and is during the day. If the date is going good then you can make plans for later. If the date is going bad then you can say you are busy later on. I like old silly traditions like bringing a girl flowers on the first date. *Not mentioned in the video - I don’t like movie dates unless you two have been together for some time already, but for the first few dates, I want to talk and get to know someone. 👩‍❤️‍👨

  8. What outfit do you suggest for a girls night?

    • Whether it is a girls night or a date night or just a night out, wear things that compliment you and highlight your best feature. I’m a legs girl so I’m usually showing thighs when I can. I also like some mystery, so if I am showing legs then I’m covering up in other places, but if you want to show it all, then go for it, whatever you feel great in. 💃

  9. What is you drink of choice?

    • Tito’s and lemonade or if I’m at my favorite bar, then Tea Time. 🥃

  10. What is your favorite sex position?

    • I was not comfortable answering this question. I like to look at you and gaze. I’m sensual and value that kind of intimacy. Other things can happen, but at some point I want our eyes to connect. 💦

Men Are Demons

(Comments disabled)

DISCLAIMER: Much of this is just for laughs, [Men] please don’t take offense.

I’ve said many times over that I set my boundaries with men. But it is extremely important to set even more boundaries with men that you may give in to. And I hate when they know you’re attracted to them because they like to test you. This was the recent topic in my girls chat, I was sitting at the bar and 4 of my friends and I were in a group chat texting back and forth about how men are just….UGH and EW. (I know it’s not good etiquette to have my face buried in a phone when I am out in public when I should be paying attention to what’s going on around me; I’ve been in my own little world lately.)

When men know you have a certain soft spot for them, they will try to touch your soft spots 😳. Men are the devil. Especially when they know everything in your life is going smoothly, skin is clear, hair is healthy, eating right, exercising, routine spa visits, then boom, here they come trying to touch your nipples and bend you over the couch 😒. Boy, first of all, I hate you, and secondly, get the hell away from me. (Sidebar: I’ve not been hanging out with anyone, for you readers who like to think I’m hiding someone in my basement 😆). This topic is just a funny satire of how men unexpectedly bust into your life and fck sht up...like the Kool-Aid Man…uh, could you at least send compensation for our pain and suffering???)

Men know if they can catch you at a vulnerable moment they can get you panty-less. That’s fckd up fellas. And it’s smooth how they do it. They casually drum up a conversation with you, ask you about your day, tell you about their day, and then they make you laugh…and that’s IT…the moment they see you laughing, that’s when they turn up the charm even more. — Don’t do it ladies, be strong, don’t laugh at anything he says, IT’S. A .TRAP or at least don’t ever see him in person. Don’t let him get near you, don’t even let him breathe around you. My friend says when a man makes you laugh your 😺 starts purring. WHAT?! 🤣 What if I’m just trying to be nice???

Men should never be worried about what a woman wears. He should be worried about how he treats her.

One time, I agreed to meet one of my guy friends for lunch, I always knew he was sweet on me, anytime we hung out with our friends, he’d always make sure I had a drink, didn’t let anyone mishandle me, and made sure I got home safely. He is very charming, but he has those playboy tendencies and he’s been through a few people I know, so I never opened that door of opportunity. While on the phone with him, I was going down the list of different types of food places: BBQ, Italian, Southern, and then I asked him, “Do you like Thai food or have you had it before?” — THIS M.EFFER HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY, “I’m trying to have you.” I wanted to laugh so badly, because that was kind of smooth and slick at the same time, but I held it in, casually ended the phone call, and never met him for lunch 😕. — No sir, not happening. You better find another Thai woman. Although, I do give him cool points for saying that to me. — Hey you miss all the shots you don’t take, right? I probably would have let him hear me laugh if he’d already seen me naked, but I take pride in not giving in to every man who wants to “🍆 me down”. Men are so inappropriate sometimes, but the sad ones are the men who just meet me and want to buy me things…like he assumes I’m that type of woman who gets excited over that. I don’t know how many times I was offered a shopping spree, an expensive bag, or a car. Boy, I don’t even know you 😐.

Just keep in mind, Men have cooties, no telling when the last time they washed their bedsheets and when the last time they replaced their pillows. Most of them don’t even notice your matching bra and panty set, they just tell you to take them off…Boys. Are. Stupid. 😒 I spent all this money on this lace, the least you can do is admire it before you snatch it off me 😠. — No matter how well put together they seem to be, how successful they are, if they own a home, drive a nice car…Everything in their heads is a mess.

Lingerie from Smart & Sexy

My one girlfriend was on a 6 month self-cleansing journey one time, she had just gotten promoted, bought a house, everything was going great for her. Then one day, she runs into a man she used to crush on and a few drinks later, she was calling an Uber the next morning from his house. Then they starting dating for a few months, she didn’t do the same things she was doing before because she wanted to spend more time with him and after about the 3rd month he started to switch things up on her. (Let me be clear, all men and situations like this do not end the same. There are men who stay consistent and build with you, this guy just wasn’t one of them.) So after they ended things, my friend kind of was down on herself about it, questioning herself why she gave in and why she made so many adjustments in her life so soon for a man. (Again, nothing wrong with doing this, we take risks for love, but sometimes it doesn’t end happily.)

My other friend had just gotten over a bad breakup, she was focusing on herself, her business, and taking fun trips every other weekend. Someone from her past sent her a text message to meet up. They hung out a few times and yes, they began having sex but it wasn’t a formal relationship, nothing was confirmed about their status. She starting thinking this would develop into a serious relationship up until he kept giving her mixed signals, one week he would be all into her and the next week he wasn’t. She put up with this for a month and a half before she just decided to cut him out completely. (People coming back from your past isn’t always a bad omen, sometimes people need to leave and work on themselves, this man didn’t do that, He was on his fckboy bs.)

Stories like this make me never want to go outside or answer anyone’s calls because I’ll be damned if I’m out minding my own business and a man is smelling good, dressed nice, saying all the right things, responds to my text quick, sexes me good and makes my body tremble, brings me food, and then the next thing you know, he’s got a toothbrush at my place and I’m cooking him dinner…Boy, BYE. I don’t need that mess in my life right now. (*This is actually how relationships should be; stability and understanding are highly attractive attributes.) If you are not going to be obsessed with me, then don’t even look at me 😆….Smh, men are demons.

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