“There’s people who think they live by a code, then there’s people who actually do.”
Do you know what it means to live by a code or when people say they live by certain codes of honor? "Living by a code" means to actively follow a set of personal principles or values that guide your actions and decisions in life, essentially acting in accordance with a self-imposed moral compass, even when faced with difficult choices; it signifies a commitment to behaving in a consistent manner based on your own established standards of conduct. Let’s break this down into terms we can all relate to.
To live by a code is to live by a certain discipline. Those disciplines are mapped out by your morals, values, pride, integrity, dignity, or all of the above. For instance, as many of you have already picked up on this, I have a code of privacy. There’s just certain things I do not do or say around people because let’s keep in mind that it’s hard to sway public opinion once they have something set in their minds. Once the public sees something about you, they generate an opinion. So there are just certain things I am not going to allow people to see if I can help it. Say if I go to a strip club and ball out. Don’t take any photos of me and if you do, don’t share it online. There’s nothing wrong with going to the strip club, that’s just my personal time and my personal time doesn’t need to be seen by everyone. And another example is unless I am in a solid relationship with someone, I am not going to keep being seen with the same person over and over again. Like you cannot keep being out with the same person being hugged up on one another and not have people think you two are fooling around. This is part of living by a code. There’s a lot of people who do not understand this. If you don’t have discipline then you are going to be sloppy and reckless with what you show people whether you intend to or not.
I’m going to switch to my professional mode really quickly. You know how companies have Codes of Coduct in their policies? A "code of conduct" is a set of rules, standards, and principles established by an organization to guide the behavior and conduct of its members, outlining expectations for how they should act within the company or group, usually outlines ethics, professionalism, and appropriate behavior in various situations; essentially, it defines the expected norms for employees or participants within a specific context. Same with a Code of Ethics. A "code of ethics" is a set of guiding principles that outlines expected behavior for individuals within a profession or organization, designed to ensure they act in a morally responsible way that aligns with the organization's values and benefits all stakeholders. Whether you are at work, at home, or out socially, there’s always some type of code. And it’s all about how you carry yourself and conduct yourself in different situations. Don’t just talk about what something is or what something isn’t. Or don’t tell people it’s not what it looks like or it’s not what you think when the reality of it is that people go off on what they see. So if what you are showing them isn’t really what it looks like, then live by the code that you are trying to portray and stand on.
I have codes I live by. A code to live by is a set of principles that guide how you behave and make decisions. It can be a few words that summarize your values, how you treat others, and your philosophy about life.
Here are some examples of codes to live by:
The Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated
Honesty: Always be truthful, even when it's difficult
Respect: Treat others with respect and dignity
Responsibility: Take responsibility for your actions and the consequences that come with them
Be tough, but fair: Be fair while also being tough
Keep your promises: Keep the promises you make
Be grateful: Be grateful for what you have
Have the courage to show up: It's better to show up than not even try
Sacrifice: Sacrifice what you want for what needs to be done
Creating a personal code of ethics can help you live with integrity and consistency. It can also help you manage relationships, careers, and personal challenges. Remember we talked about standards. Living by a code is not much different than living with standards. One of you guys sent me a message a while back and said,
“A man who doesn’t have standards, is a man who lacks integrity and dignity, and is the same type of man who will be careless with how he treats women.”
Fellas, you can chime in on what he said and share your thoughts on it.
What are we if we don’t have codes we live by? Who are we if we don’t have standards? When your loved ones are in need or in pain or struggling with something, I have a code that I am going to show up for people I care about. Even if it’s just telling them they are on my mind or wishing them good blessings or sending them a care package, I am going to make sure my loved ones know I am here for them. And if I am in a relationship with someone, I have a code that I am not going to start treating my friends like they don’t matter to me because a relationship should not be an obstacle to your other relationships with people. Don’t start treating people differently because you start seeing someone new. You want to know the craziest thing? My married friends tell me this all the time. They say that if they are fooling with someone, then that person isn’t going to make them act different to their friends. And they don’t just speak it, they prove it by living by their word. One of my guys friends, I know I’ve mentioned him several times here, he’s married, loves his family and has no plans to change his home life. But I’ve met some of his girlfriends and he has not once changed the way he treats me or talks to me when his girlfriends are around. He and the other friends in the same group kind of have this standard that, “Hey Raya has been here, she’s our girl, and we’re going to look out for her each time.” I have no doubt in my mind that they are like this with other people too, because they live by a code of loyalty, honor, and respect and I’m blessed to be part of their code.
There’s just a certain way I live. There’s a discipline I have, and there’s an integrity I want to keep intact. So I have to live by a code. I couldn’t have gotten this far without it.
Be safe everyone.
