Don't Give Everyone Access

July 28, 2020

😮 After almost 2 years, this is still the most viewed and searched post throughout my entire site. I hope those of you who keep coming back to this is finding something useful within my words.

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Let’s talk a moment.

You know you are awesome, right? So let’s agree that not everyone is deserving to be around you. That doesn’t mean shutting people out completely, but rather being aware that there are people who are not for you and just want to take from you…

Your energy
Your confidence
Your hard work
Your finances
Your rewards
YOUR PEACE OF MIND

…without giving anything back in return.

If they can’t meet you where you stand or even come half way, then don’t you dare go all the way for them. We all have an intuition and all of our intuitions tell us when someone is not right for us. Many of us do ignore this because we want to be wanted, we want to be needed, we want to be loved. — That’s the human in us.

Although, we have to accept that sometimes it takes people longer to be the best version of them and maybe they are the best they can be at this time, but that doesn’t mean you have to fully welcome them in your life. People can go through metamorphosis at any age, sometimes more than once. Love and care at a distance. You can still have a good heart and not fall victim to someone else’s demons.

Years ago a friend and I fell out for reasons that are no longer important, we were at different places in our lives. Later on, this person ended up getting very sick and a mutual friend called me to let me know what was going on. I hopped on the first flight out to see about my sick friend. We didn’t talk about why we stopped speaking to each other, we just carried on and caught up on the missed time and learned about the growth we both went through.
- We needed to deny access to one another in order create different paths for ourselves and we became better friends after it because we became more willing to listen and understand each other better…and our fall out wasn’t a “be all, end all” we still had an abundance of love for each other. This doesn’t mean all relationships that dissolve will come back together, it just means that sometimes the difference between two people is the distance that needs to be had and what becomes of it afterwards depends on the pivotal points in your life.

I’ve said this many of times before, I want my peace more than I want attention. — I’m so comfortable with myself that I refuse to allow someone to destroy what I’ve created. Or exhaust my warmth to someone who won’t reciprocate my affections.

Many of us get into relationships (platonic or romantic) and make compromises which is expected, but when those compromises start to turn you into someone you don’t recognize, then there is a problem. LOVE is not folding every time just to make a person feel more comfortable, stable, or secure. LOVE is understanding each other’s weakness and helping to make them stronger. If your weakness is an element of insecurity and your partner doesn’t help you overcome that, then you are either misunderstanding who your partner/friend is OR this person is not the partner/friend for you. Yes, sometimes you also have to deny yourself access to people.

Not everyone is capable to travel with you in life. You are not blocking blessings by keeping people out, you are protecting yourself from being drained by someone or people you are unsure of. YES, let them prove they can stand by you and with you. Some people are there temporarily, some are there for the lesson. Then there are some people who need more time to reach you, give them that time, but keep your focus forward. YOU are the decider of your well being. And yes, it’s hard to separate yourself if you are a giver, but you have to grip on to what keeps you at peace. You cannot give if you are depleted. I am meticulous with how much energy I give and to whom I give it to and I change the levels when necessary.

You can interact with many people and still not allow all of them access to the whole you.

I have at lease 5 different groups of friends, some from my past, some I met in passing, some I frequently see or interact with; all of them know a different part of me, some of them know a different version of me, but only a select few know all of me. — I made it that way.

I love and enjoy ALL of my friends and family, I appreciate that we are not the same. Each of them ignite different pieces of me, but I know all of them cannot, will not, or are not equipped to take the same road as me. It’s no one’s fault. It also wouldn’t be right of me to take (possibly carry) someone on a journey they are not ready for. Therefore, access to me remains selective and limited. I trust what I know about each person in my life…read that again.

Everyone doesn’t deserve access to you.

Stock Market For Beginners (E-BOOK)

July 24, 2020

If you did not get a chance to catch this post when I shared all the basics about the Stock Market for FREE…

You can still get all the research I gathered when I began investing in the UPDATED 2021 eBook for just $12.

Here are some key topics from the E-Book:

The are 2 major stock exchanges in the U.S.

The New York Stock Exchange (NYSE)
NASDAQ

Here are the basic Stock Terms: (There are 9 more listed in the E-Book)

What is a STOCK? A stock is a type of investment that represents an ownership share in a company
What is a SHAREHOLDER? A person who purchased a stock and now owns that stock which is a portion of a company.
What is a STOCK PORTFOLIO? A portfolio is a grouping of financial assets such as stocks, bonds, commodities, currencies and cash equivalents, as well as their fund counterparts, including mutual, exchange-traded and closed funds. A portfolio can also consist of non-publicly tradable securities, like real estate, art, and private investments

Other Topics I Cover:

Conservative vs. Aggressive Investing
Stock Order Types
User-Friendly Apps for Beginners detailing features of each app
Book Suggestions
Author’s Notes

The eBook covers all the basic information to help you gain stock market knowledge so you can feel more comfortable about starting your investment portfolio today!

GET THE E-BOOK NOW

Here is another download with information on certain tech stocks.

OTHER WAYS TO MAKE MONEY

Here are more options outside of stock trading to gain added income:

Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell
Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site
Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link
eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online

*Later on, I’ll provide more comprehensive information that will feature tips on how to earn extra income. This may be great for those who have been furloughed or feel they are not making enough with their current employer. But remember, nothing is earned without putting in the work.

The Real Preference

July 21, 2020

So I got a lot of private messages and emails regarding a portion of my last post about my travels through PA/DE, specifically what I said about Northeast men. If you have not gotten a chance to read my last post, below is the snippet:

This is a Screen Capture, but if you want to read the full details, see HERE.

Many of the message were asking me why I have such a bias against southern and west coast men or telling me that I haven’t met the “right” southern guy yet. Let’s be clear…I DON’T HAVE ANY BIAS. My interests with men have much to do with my personal experiences with them, what made/makes me smile, and how I would like for the dynamics of my romantic relationship to be. I just like the dominant nature that many northeast men exude, that doesn’t mean I only prefer them over all or that other men are weak.

This is what I want…

I want my partner to be as confidant and as hard working as I am which means we will have our own separate schedules, but we value each other enough to still put aside some quality time and close out the world just for us. I want him to respect me enough to be protective of me when I’m not around, even when he’s upset with me. I want him not shut me down and out when problems arise. I want him to know when I’m being beside myself and to correct me in private. I want him to brush my hair back and look at me with understanding. When we are out, I want him to subtly hold my hand to remind me…“Don’t worry, I’m right here with you”. I want him to know that I adore the forehead kisses and the quiet hugs. I want him to appreciate that I’m going to be beside him and will strive towards progressing together. I want him to admire that I am my own person and welcome my ideas. I want him to know that I bring my own benefits to the relationship and that he does not need to carry us both. I want him to make decisions not just for himself, but for us. I want him to be the man in our relationship and be proud that I am his woman and not shy away at letting people know he loves me. I want him to be protective of me and what we have…and I like getting flowers randomly. — I’ve yet to come across this or even the potential of this…and I refuse to settle for someone who thinks he can be cohesive with my persona, but disregards me when things get a little difficult for his convenience.

I’m pretty observant with people and their behaviors, especially men.

I hold men of a certain caliber to a higher esteem and when they fall short, it’s rather disappointing.

If I have high standards for myself, shouldn’t I have high standards for the people around me?

P.S. - If he doesn’t read anything I write, is he really into me??? My website is no secret, so if he doesn’t take even a slight interest in something that I created, then how much does he really want to be involved in my life??? I’ve had plenty of men like me and enjoy my company, but when I mentioned my different endeavours, I got little to no feedback. It would make me feel like I was only a face to them.

Meal Suggestion: Eggs in Purgatory

(During quarantine a few of my friends and I have been sharing meal recipes and cooking tips back and forth.)

Cook time is about 25 mins. Preheat the oven at 375 degrees F.

2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 small red onion - diced
3 cloves garlic - minced
1 can reduced-sodium chickpeas - (I didn’t add this when I made this meal)
1 can tomato pasta sauce - (24 ounces)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
5 ounces baby spinach
3-4 large eggs (depending on how many people are eating)
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Chopped fresh basil

Heat the olive oil in a large, ovenproof, nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add the onion and cook, stirring often, until the onion is translucent, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook just until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in the tomato sauce, oregano, salt, and red pepper flakes. Bring to a simmer and let cook until slightly thickened. Stir in the spinach and let it wilt. With the back of a spoon, make 4 indentations in the sauce. Crack one egg inside of each, then sprinkle the Parmesan cheese over the whole dish.

Transfer the pan to the oven. Bake until the egg whites are set but the yolks are still soft, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with fresh basil. Serve hot with baguette or garlic bread slices.

Travel: Pandemic Edition

July 13, 2020

THIS WILL BE A LONGER READ THAN NORMAL, I SUGGEST READING SECTIONS AND COMING BACK TO READ MORE LATER.

New Orleans
Flight: MYS to PHL
Visit through Philly and Delaware
Flight: PHL to MYS - New Orleans again

It seems as the this pandemic is not going away anytime soon and with people still defying orders, it is probably safe to say that our new way of life is to continue to stay sanitized….all over. Although, we are advised to stay home and away from large gatherings, many of us still need to be out and/or travel for work or other reasons -- I am one of those people.

Recently, I took and road trip and a flight to two destinations, New Orleans and Philadelphia. Here is what I experienced along with a few tips to keep yourself safe.

Everyday Health TIP: If you read my previous discourse (HERE), then you know I routinely take ACV and Elderberry supplements. I packed these along with other vitamins. I also packed my own soaps, lotions, disposable towelettes, and hair care products.

To see my reviews on where I visited and the food I ate: See my Google Reviews or Yelp Reviews

Also, to prepare yourself with some essential travel items, see my Amazon Picks in Health & Wellness and Travel.

1. Road Travel: The ride to NOLA was not bad, I left early in the morning and got there in the mid-afternoon. I made sure to pack wipes and disinfectant spray since with both cities, I was staying in hotels. Each hotel was taking their own precautions and requiring visitors to wear masks while in the lobby and other public areas.

Hotel: Royal St. Charles
- Staff was very friendly and allowed me to check-in early.
- Rooms were clean, but as an added measure I wiped down all surfaces.
Activities – Even though there was a business aspect to my trip, can you really go to New Orleans and not partake in the culture during the day and the nightlife when the sun goes down? TIP: Wear comfortable shoes.
- For the most part about 90% of people were wearing masks. Each business also required masks as you entered, but can take them off if you were seated at the bar or a table. There were also sanitizing stations in almost every business, but I still carried my own bottle and cleaned my hands like crazy.
- Although people maintained a good distance, once the alcohol started flowing, people didn’t think too much about personal space. I was still coherent enough to not get too close to people.
  - And applause to the nice man of the (K)rimson (K)rew – insider reference — who chatted me up the whole night and made sure I was not in harms way (I think he is originally from Baton Rouge, LA.) – I always appreciate it when men are gentlemanly and chivalrous without expecting anything in return…You guys are every women’s MVP.
  - Drinking TIP: Take a pain killer or BC Powder before you start drink and before going to sleep, take an all-purpose vitamin. This will help from feeling the pain and grogginess of a hangover.
- I noticed some places required you to sign in leaving your name and number in order to keep track of people and contact them if there was any issues regarding COVID.
  - Many of the restaurants spaced out their tables and were good at wiping everything down after guests. You were also given plastic utensils to eat with and for menus, there were QR Codes to scan so that you did not have to touch a physical menu unless you requested one.
Ride to the Airport
- I planned my travel to Philadelphia from NOLA and parked in a self-serve economy parking.
- The shuttle from the parking lot to the airport was slightly different than expected: The driver did not offer to help with the bags (safety precaution maybe) and even though everyone knew to keep a distance, there wasn’t any signs or markings to skip a seat when seating yourself.

2. Air Travel: I was a little nervous with flying during the pandemic, but I really did not want to drive 20 hours from NOLA to Philadelphia.

Flight: American Airlines (MYS to PHL)
- I used my frequent flyer miles to book my flight, but even when I looked at the regular pricing it was still fairy cheap; less than $200 per person and booking at least 3 weeks prior.
  - When booking, there is a message pop-up that gives you airport regulations such as wearing face covers, not having a fever, or experiencing COVID symptoms
  - The booking was also flexible, I could cancel or reschedule my flight without any added fees if I need to. I did not have to do or pay anything extra for this option.
- It was my first time at the New Orleans Airport and even though it was small, I still had to look twice at where I needed to be.
  - Depending on where you are dropped off, third floor is ticketing services and second floor is terminals.
- Getting through check-in and airport security was the same as usual outside of having the distance markers on the ground.
  - Opt for an electronic boarding pass on your phone so you don’t have to worry about keeping track of anything extra.
    *I did bring a second form of ID with me due to my driver’s license being expired and not being able to renew because of state offices being closed and only taking appointment for other driver needs.
  - Many of the eateries were closed and the ones that were open had limited seating.
- Boarding the plane was the same standard aside from the fact that you need to keep your mask on for the entire flight. The flight was not crowded at all, in fact my row ended up being full, but there were several empty rows that I was able to relocate and get more open seating space. Again, I wiped down everything before getting settled.
  - There was no snack and beverage service. When I boarded the plane, I was handed a small paper bag with a bottled water, sanitizer, and pretzels. So if you feel you may get hungry, make an order to go at one of the open restaurants before getting on the plane.
- The Philadelphia airport is one I am all too familiar with. It’s home. Unboarding and baggage claim remains the same; no special standards or precautions, but I did have a cleaning wipe ready in my hands to grab my bag handle.
- Getting a rental car was the best and easiest option for me to get around. I went with ALAMO. And again, in the shuttle to the rental office, there was no assistance with the bags.
  - *I did not tell anyone I was coming into town to avoid any expectations of me stopping by. Those I did visit, it was a last-minute surprise. – Yes of course I wiped down the rental car as much as I could.
Hotel: Hilton Garden
- A little slow checking people in, staff was not as personable as I would have liked them to be
- Rooms were clean — but cleaner after my wipe down
Activities - I was between Pennsylvania and Delaware and just like Louisiana, all the businesses were taking precautions. Many of them only offering take out and delivery. Bars and Pubs were open, required distancing and masks upon entry.
- I did decide to find some ramen soup just the get some herbs and spices into my system.
- I also had a few Emergen - C Packs with me and made sure I took one each day.

3. Visiting my early years.

My main purpose of visiting home was to take care of some things, visit some people and see a few of my old stomping grounds. I have a lot of memories between Middletown, DE and Philadelphia, PA.

I believe it was a true blessing moving away from my childhood home and my young adulthood home. I think physically disconnecting from places (and sometimes people) I was too comfortable with gave me more of a sense of personal and professional growth. I was open to the change and embraced it and in turn, I developed life tools to see beyond a small radius. It’s a risk I would take all over again.

I love coming back home when I can. One of my first places to go is WaWa. Now if you don’t know what WaWa is — which many people don’t — think of a mini convenient store that is also a deli with good fresh food, also a cafe with amazing coffee, also a gas station and also open 24/7. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “But, Raya we have gas stations like that around us that are just as good.” …..Ummmmm, NO. YOU. DON’T. What makes Wawa great is the freshly prepared food when you order it, even at 2:32am. It’s not just snack foods, it’s full meals at any time of day. This place even has it’s own brand of coffee and juices!

Plus no sales tax!!! One of the places I did eat at called, Paddy Whacks on South St., had a “sanitizing fee” which was about $5.

Yet, coming home wasn’t all about visiting familiar places, but also seeing what’s new in what I knew. Remember my review of Tuscaloosa, AL? And how I mentioned it reminded me of my childhood town and how now it’s developed tremendously in the span of 20 years? Well, I love driving through the old streets and trying to reminisce what was once there before it became a health clinic or a new high school or a Walmart. Would I ever move back? No, I have no plans and I am enjoying my life in the south.

(Okay, this next part is for mature audiences only) — Ladies, there is nothing like a northeast man; whether he is from Philly, Jersey, or one of the borrows in New York, their demeanor is unmatched. Just think of DMX in his “How it’s going down” video (DMX is not my drink of choice, but in the same flight of drinks). Northeast men are aggressive, cocky and tell you what it’s going to be — won’t let you out of his life without a fight and may say something like:

“Look now, you’re my woman and I love you, so stop acting up and bring your ass over here to me.” or “I’m going to have dinner at _______. I’m going to text you the address, you should be there by 7p.” — I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes women want to be told, not asked. (Many years ago, around 2012/13ish, when I entertained the idea of dating, a man I was getting to know once sent me a text that read: “I’m cooking tonight, be at my house by 8.” I didn’t respond because my initial reaction was…Who tf does he think he’s talking to like that?!…but guess where my ass was by 8pm! It was a great home cooked meal too. This man is now married to a nice woman who was ready to love him back.) Okay, some of you may be thinking this behavior is borderline verbal abuse, it’s not. — When a man knows what he wants, desires you, and strives to do right by you, then putting a little bass in his voice when he’s telling you to stop being stubborn and let him love you isn’t harmful. I mean, I may allow a man I’m involved with to call me b*tch in the right context…but don’t get too comfortable with it because you’re not too grown to get popped.

There is a difference between being dominate and being abusive. And northeast women can be aggressive too (many of us northeasters talk hard, we mean no harm by it, it’s just our form of vernacular — we are not for the weak). Don’t get me wrong, I love the southern charm that have come my way, but if ever there is a man who has both the down south morals and chivalry mixed with the confidence and the “I run this shit” attitude….ya girl might end up married again and give that man some sons. — AND MANY OF YOU KNOW I DON’T WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN. — Eh, my soulmate is probably lost…Marco….Marco….

Funny thing, I did notice that the TSA at the Philadelphia airport were a lot more friendlier than those at the New Orleans airport.

No, there is no place like home, but I currently call several places home.

There were some people who were upset that I didn’t make time to see them (possibly forgetting that it is still COVID season and that I know too many people to see in one short visit) so they did not have the friendliest words for me, but last I checked, I’m not married to anyone and I’m not about to explain my time and my schedule to everybody — too many people from my past know a version of me that no longer exists — that’s the side effects of growth.

I’ve learned to go forward and if I go backwards, it’s not to relive, but only to remember.

4. PHL back to MYS.

I decided to stay one more night in New Orleans before heading back to my true reality. The flight back again was not crowded and I had some space to place my things on the seat next to me.

This time I used my IHG points and stayed at the Crown Plaza on Canal & Bourbon.

There were no complaints throughout my stay at this hotel except when it was time for the valet to retrieve my car. It took over 35 minutes for the staff to pull my car up and when I got in, the driver side seat was lounged back as if someone had been sitting in it for a while and got comfortable. I. WAS. NOT. PLEASED.

Also, by the time I got back to New Orleans, there were more COVID restrictions in place and even less businesses were open, so it was hit and miss with what I was able to do and see.

I still feel like Bonnie minus the Clyde whenever I pull my mask up, but it’s become our normal routine now.

Other than that, I enjoyed my trip. We can travel during the pandemic, we just have to play it safe and be particular about what we do and who we are around.