Positive Progression

July 28, 2024

“Being good in your spirit translates to being good in your intentions.”

🚫 There will not be any personal updates or follow-up on this post. 🚫

Do you guys go to church? I am not a devout religious person, but I do listen to church sermons online. I used to go in-person, but ever since COVID, I tend to get weary of being in large groups in a confined space. But today’s message really resonated with me - isn’t it funny when a message hits you during time relative circumstances are happening? This message was about forgiveness and repairing the love in your heart. We’ve all probably gotten a few lessons about this in our lifetime whether it was through church or other avenues.

Forgiveness is a process of healing even when you didn’t even realize you needed to heal. Forgiveness is for you. And the other part of it is letting go of holding on to the pain or using that pain to stay guarded and not being open to moving forward. So there is a particular scenario that literally occured in the last 24 hours that related to this message. I have been avoiding a particular person for several months now. Anytime I see this person, I don’t acknowledge them, I don’t say anything and I make it a point too keep a large distance from this person. Is this healthy? Maybe in the first month or two, but we probably should have broken the ice way before now. And I was encouraged to extend the olive branch.

Of course I had some hesitations because all I can recall is what this person last said to me and the image of their actions afterwards 🫤. So me deciding to close myself off from this person was for self preservation; I needed time. I was hurt. Although, the reality is, this person and I are continually linked because of the common people in our lives. I don’t want things to be awkward. So I had to come to terms that if I am really going to improve anything with this person, then I really need to let go of the past, meaning I am ready to let go of things that were said and done and not use any of it against this person in order to move forward 💞. Something we all should be aware of is that part of moving forward is hashing out the differences so you can develop a new understanding of people. This may require having those hard conversations, which I am open to having. You kind of have to let it all out to let it all go. ❤️‍🩹

So what I ended up doing was making a phone call because I initially felt that a text message may be misconceived. I ended up leaving a voicemail which ended up me being all over the place so I just decided, “Fck, I’ll send a text.” At this point I do not know it this person will respond or be receptive, but I did make the attempt for reconciliation. To give a clearer picture, the person is a man. And men are not naturally vocal or expressive when it comes to discussing hurt emotions 🤷🏽‍♂️. And there’s no amount of soft-parenting that can help create more emotionally expressive boys, it’s just an element of their DNA and genes. Men just don’t like to talk about certain things like how women do. And I’ve realized over that years that I am not great at expressing my emotions either 🤦🏽‍♀️. I harbor things and I just deal with them privately. I don’t know if it’s because I was raised by a man, but my father is the same way and I have a lot of dominant traits when communicating with people. But I want to be more emotionally intelligent and be very clear of my intentions with people. I do not want to keep practicing unhealthy habits. And with this guy, I feel a reset is a start. He may not feel the same and not even respond, and I’ll be okay with that too because my heart is lighter now that I made the attempt. ✨️

When you try to reconcile with people, both of you have to be willing to acknowledge and let go the the issues that were between you. If I’m the only one who is willing and he is not, then it won’t work. And if he does not respond, I still need to keep positive and still let go of the issues on my own and only keep good memories I shared with him, because even if he is not receptive, I still need to forgive the pain - for myself. 💗

We have to understand that there may be times that you are the only one who wants to change and improve, so that’s what you keep doing. I don’t want anything heavy on my heart, I don’t want anything heavy on my soul and if I am going to keep affirming that I am a good person, then I know I need to take a step forward, even if I’m the only one taking that step. If any of you are experiencing or have experienced something similar, all I can say is letting go is just the start, repairing is a process, and there may be times that you revert back to those bad memories or feelings, but you have to be vocal when that happens so that the person you are resetting with can identify what they may be doing to affect you. I’m not saying this is easy, not even in my situation, I’m just saying to be prepared to open and vulnerable so that you don’t fall back into the same issues. We want to develop and maintain healthy connections, it won’t be perfect the whole time, but we have to be conscious of the things we do and say when we are making an attempt to reconcile.

Be safe everyone. 🥰

🚫 There will not be any personal updates or follow-up on this post. 🚫

➡️ In other news, who's ready for RDJ to be Doctor Doom? 🤯

Manage It Right

July 25, 2024

“Don't Take Away What I’ve Accomplished Just Because I Didn't Talk About The Work I Put Into It.”

How are you with your finances? Are you in debt? Do you always need a co-signer? How’s that credit score? As some of you may know, I am in a doctoral program which I only have 1 more year left. My research topic has just been approved by the IRB (Institutional Review Board). My topic is: “The Impact of Financial Literacy for High School Students”. I am going to explore previous research on this topic in conjunction to getting feedback from people and their views of financials literacy and what they think should be taught to high school students. If you would like to be a participant in my research you will only need to answer 18 questions. If you don’t feel comfortable with certain questions, you can skip it. Plus, it is 100% anonymous (you know I like to protect your privacy just as much as my own). Participate HERE.

My 10% may look like 💯 because I learned to delegate my energy effectively.

I am passionate about this topic because growing up there were not many courses or classes that offered financial learning, and if there were, it was an elective. I believe everyone needs to undergo a robust financial literacy course before graduating high school. I don’t know if you believe this, but money goes a long way and having good credit takes you further. You don’t want to be one of those people who can’t pay your rent because you decided to have a fun weekend. Or your lights got cut off because you spent that money on a VIP section. Let’s be better than that, and I’m really taking to the kids who like to show out with no backup income or not enough in savings. You have to understand that living within your means is crucial to money management. And if you want more, than do more. I don’t mean to sound off tone, but there’s plenty of opportunities to make the money you need or want to make, you just have to go after it. If you see me out having a cocktail during the week, it’s because I put in 10-12 hours worth of work already.

One of the BIGGEST MISCONCEPTIONS PEOPLE HAVE OF ME is that my life is easy or that everything was handed it me. I HATE THAT! 😖 Someone actually said to me that I was “born with a silver spoon” — ☹️ It hurt to hear that because this person knew me for a long time, which means they never really paid attention to my drive and hard work. LISTEN, just because I don’t talk about my struggles or tell people the steps I’m taking to reach a goal doesn’t mean that what you see was just handed to me. Just because I make it look simple and I don’t complain, doesn’t mean I didn’t go through obstacles. My father wasn’t a CEO or an Executive, nor did he own businesses. What he did do was obtained valuable skills that allowed him to make a good living to provide his family with a good life. I adopted those traits from him and want to do the same for my kids. Don’t ever think I was given any freebies in life.

That person who said that may deal with people who depend on them or deal with people with their hands out, I surely never had my hand out to this person, nor did I ever expect extravagant things from them. As a matter of fact, I always tried to make sure I contributed something anytime it seemed appropriate. So to hear that they think I was born with a silver spoon really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe some men want to hear women complain about money so they can be their savior. Or how about when some men assume women are golddiggers when they barely have any gold to give. Aye fam, I am the gold, there’s no digging over here ✨️. If a man wants to do for me, that’s his choice, but I don’t expect anyone to provide for me except me. I learned to be good with money through experiences and trial and error. I wish I had a required Financial Literacy program in high school that taught me:

Budgeting and saving.
Understanding credit and debt management.
Investment basics.
Financial planning and goal setting.
Consumer rights and responsibilities.

I didn’t really learn about stocks until 2020 and I’ve become good at it. Had I learned sooner, I have no doubt my portfolio would be triple what it’s worth right now. I’m saying all this to say, learning about money early on can really help you long term, it can help you when making big purchase like a house, or even help you manage your money when allocating for vacations, buying a new car, or getting an investment property. The major thing is you want to keep your debt to income ratio very low and the sooner you are able to learn that, the more equip you will be when making decisions like that.

And the other reason for saying all this is to affirm that you cannot just look at someone and assume they have it easy. Don’t take my hard work away from me. No one earned me degrees for me. No one learned my skills for me. No one gave me a network of people to elevate with. I did all that on my own. So again, don’t take away someone’s accomplishments just because you see how well they are doing. Just because you weren't shooting with me at the gym, doesn’t mean I wasn't practicing. (You see how I put a twist in that? Some of you get. 😁)

And this last point I want to bring up is people thinking that you are “obligated” to help them when they're in need. I struggle with this at times with people close to me. They see that I'm doing well and want me to freely share my benefits. Here’s the thing, if my father, my kids, or my siblings need something, I don't hesitate as long as it's not frivolous and generally we're equally there for each other. But there's some relationships that leans more on me. I don’t mind making contributions or supporting a positive initiative, but don’t make it a belief that I owe you a part of what I've been able to do. I don't like that.

If you are a fully capable adult, your personal responsibilities, your living choices, or your consequences should not fall on to my expense, especially when I know I can't call on you for the same things (although, parents, our elderly, and kids who are still in school are an exception). When I give to charities or non-profits, I’m giving back to under-served people. When I support causes, I'm supporting it because someone I care about is part of it or it will help someone I care about. I don't just give money away. I worked hard for it and you should never let anyone make you feel ashamed for making good financial decisions and living a life that best suits you. Be proud of what you've made of yourself. I know I am.

Be safe everyone.

Confidence And Self Esteem

July 17, 2024

“Be part of my breakthrough, not my breakdown.”

Confidence and self-esteem are closely intertwined. When you possess one, the other is often not far behind. Having belief in yourself can lead to a greater sense of self-worth, while high self-esteem can boost your confidence levels significantly. I’ve never really had issues in these categories, even with men, I never had a problem with a man complimenting other women around me, but there is a limit to how much attention a man can give a women before I start to raise some eyebrows. I’m not the woman who gets upset if a man goes somewhere without me or doesn’t call me everyday. I am very secure with who I am, how I look, and how others view me. That’s not to say I do not have some insecurities, we all have them.

My insecurities more involve my professional and business life because as good as I am in my field of work, there’s always a competition of someone besting me, so I have to continue to learn, be innovative, and stay ahead. My life is expensive and I have come to love the conveniences that I have been able to afford like taking last minute trips and not having to bat my eyelashes at men to buy me drinks. I have come a long way in life and I want to keep at it, but this is not the direction this topic is going. We are going to explore the domain of personal confidence and self-esteem, zooming in on the interplay with the individuals surrounding you, as well as with any love interests.

We often convince ourselves that confidence should solely originate from within us, assuming that strong confidence automatically leads to heightened self-esteem. However, the truth is that external influences have the power to impact these aspects significantly, potentially causing us to harbor negative feelings about ourselves. For instance, growing up, I felt that my father held me to a high standard and responsibility than he did with my younger siblings. It seemed like he let them get away with a lot of things while I was corrected and scolded when I did anything wrong. From my point of view I felt like I was being treated different the love wasn’t equal with his kids. Now that I am older, I realized my father was doing the best he could as a single parent with three kids and two of them were only a year apart. With me, it was his first time raising a child, a daughter at that, so he wanted to make sure I grew up into a modest and classy woman. - Which I think he did good.

Now with my relationships, it was a more of a complex bag. When I felt I was being lied to or something was being hidden from me, it not only affected my confidence in the man, but also my self-esteem when I would ask about certain things and not get any straight answers. When a man seems to be going in circles or being very vague and things are not adding up, I would feel like “Why do you not value me enough to tell me or share with me about what you feel or what’s going on?” I can’t speak for all women, but when I am asking questions that may seem invasive, it’s because I want to know where I’m placed in your life so I can adjust how I communicate with you or what I do with you. I don’t like being told that I am important, but then made to feel that I’m not, especially if we are involved or sleeping together. Then I’d go into a rabbit hole of asking myself: “Why is he treating me like this?” “Does he not care about me anymore?” “Is someone else getting his attention?” “Am I really not his type?” “Am I too independent?” “Am I too head-strong?” “Am I not feminine enough?” “Am I not pretty enough?” “Am I not classy enough?” “Am I not interesting enough?” “Does he rather want a naive woman who depends on him?” All these thoughts just circle in my head and kind of puts me in doldrum and breaks down my self-esteem. If a man wants special treatment from me, why would he not expect to give special treatment back? If our relationship is supposed to be special or unique, why is he treating it like it is not? Don’t pull me in just to be dismissive of my feelings and break me down. Any of you ladies ever felt like this?

Again, I’ve always had good confidence, but when my self-esteem is being challenged, it does affect how I may present myself or how I manage myself throughout the day. These days, I really don’t have any issues in those categories, if a man wants me, he’ll let me know and show me, if he doesn’t he’ll let me know and show me. I’ve already stated many time over, I don’t have sights to be married again or live with someone. And I told my friend that even though I don’t like to date, when I do it, I’m not dating for a husband, I am dating to enjoy myself when I do have free time to spend with someone. That doesn’t mean when problems arise, I’m just going to exit, no if I feel a man is a good person and aligns well with my values, then I’ll make efforts to work through any issues with him. I’m not hoping from man to man at an instance, that’s never been on my resume. I like having good people in my life, even if the romance is gone, we’ll just find a way to still be friends and support each other.

I’ve also more noticed that since I do not have issues with my confidence or self-esteem, sometimes women are affected by me when I am around, especially when they see how men react to me or how they look at me. But my whole thought is, if you are secure of yourself whether you are in a relationship or not, another woman should not affect how you feel. But I’ve also learned (and this came with age) that when a man isn’t doing right by you, then yes, you are going to have insecurities when other women are around. At that point you really have to decide if that’s something you can deal with or if you want more for yourself. And sorry to say this but the girlies with self-esteem issues tend to stay where they’re at and just deal with it. - Baby, if that’s what works for you, okay. Keep doing it, but let me tell you, there are men who will treat you like you are the only woman in the room. Don’t sell yourself short for a handsome face with fat pockets. - Ladies, you have to decide what you are worth, don’t let a man do that for you. And don’t get upset with another woman because she knows her value and carries it everywhere she goes. Men notice that too - well, at least the ones paying attention and who are not interested in superficial subsidies.

If a man what’s to take stock in me, great, I’m amazing. But, I am not catering to a man who is not capable to treat me with love and admiration. You don’t have to be in love with me, but love who I am and admire what I’ve accomplished. I’ve said this in a previous topic, I know I’m a good catch, I know I’m highly sought after, so I want to feel wanted by a man I’m seeing. So when it seem like the interest is depleting and without notice, then it is going to make me feel some type of way about you and myself. It’s not realistic to say “No one can change how I feel about myself.” because people can have an impact on that, we just have to figure out how to best navigate through it and not let ourselves be so down that it interferes with any positive decisions we can make to get ourselves back to having confidence and good self-esteem.

Be safe everyone.

Does He Have A Brother?

July 2, 2024

“Be mindful of how you look at your friend’s companion.”

Ladies, let’s talk. When you are introducing a man of interest to your friends and one of them asks, “Does he have a brother?” What do you think about that? I had this discussion with my group of girlfriends and got mixed responses. Some felt that if a friend is asking if a man has a brother then that is a compliment to the man because he shows qualities that a woman wants in her companion. BUT, on the other side of this, some of the ladies stated that it raises concern because the thought is you are attracted to your friend’s guy and want someone like him — so is there a possibility that your friend will go after the man you like? What do you think ladies?

I do not recall any scenario where a friend was just as attracted to a guy I was with. My friends maybe like the guy for me, but still had their own preferences in men. I guess my friends and I have different tastes in men or at the very least don’t take interest in a man that one of our friends is interested in. But I have observed that when there is limited options for reputable men, there is an increase of more women interested in him. — My take on this is TRAVEL ladies!!! A man may be the highlight of one town, but mediocre in another city, state, and country. There are great men everywhere, don’t limit yourself to your friend’s guy or one of his relatives, explore the world.

Although for certain women, no matter where they go, the pool of men is very small and shallow. My aunt actually explained this to me. She says the more well rounded and educated a woman is, the less likely she will find a partner who meets her needs. The is mainly due to having elevated critical thinking skills and competency. Critical thinking is the ability to interpret, evaluate, and analyze facts and information that are available, to form a judgment or decide if something is right or wrong. When women are great at critical thinking, it’s hard for a man bullshit around with her, even if the relationship is casual. She may not mention the issues, but rest assured she identified them. Some men are like this too. My brain is more wired to breakdown and process words, behaviors, and emotions. I observe sounds, smells, body language, how people express themselves, the cadences with their speech patterns and I collect all that data and mentally create a personal profile of that person. — Yes, this is exactly why my friends call me a nerd. My friends tell me that when I’m quiet, I’m observing. — They’re not wrong.

But back to my original thought, I have never looked at my friends boyfriends, husbands, or lovers the same way they look at them, so I would never seriously ask if he has a brother. I may mention that if he is a good man, then he has other good men in his circle that helped shape who he is, because I no doubt believe you are as good as the company you keep. Even who you entertain can speak to your character. I have many different people in my life, for instance when I sit at my favorite bar, there’s a diverse amount of people I speak to — all of them have great traits, but I rarely spend time with them outside of that environment, they are bar friends. I also have business friends who I do not converse with outside of work obligations, then there a group of elderly men who get together every morning at the coffee shop I like to go to and I only speak with them when I am there. I say this to say that I do not have people who are integrated in all parts of my life, even people who have known me for 10 or 20 plus years, they may hear me talk about my other experiences, but they are not directly part of it. But all of them are still a reflection of me in some way because I chose to befriend them. My sister, who I am close to has even mentioned, “Yeah, I don’t know what your life is like when you’re not around me.”

It’s funny, my sister and I have common personality traits, like we are both very driven and care for people and want to achieve high levels of success, but how we go about those thing are vastly different. Even with men, she more likes the dark chocolate, bearded, with a very manly demeanor, close to her age or younger, and has an active lifestyle and maybe dresses in sports gear or fancy street labels. Where I more like the light to fair skinned pretty boys who may have a goatee, is older, finds solitude in being laid-back and dresses modestly. The last time my sister and I were hanging out, she was telling the guys who approached me that I like smart and distinguished gentlemen. So there has never been any scenarios where we were attracted to each other’s choice of men.

But I think having a difference in taste of men from your friends affirms that you have a diverse group of people in your life or even where you are all at in life. I can admit that the 3 men that you readers love to hear about anytime I mention them, I was at different phases of my life when I was involved in them. There may have been a time in my life where I could have like the same type of guys my sister now likes, but that time has came and went and only 1 of the 3 men almost fit all the attributes that my sister is interested in. I am definitely not the same woman I was when I was with that particular man and all of my friends are at various stages in life, so their interest are more reflective of the types of men who align with them. So what would it say about me if I want someone who is just like the man my friend is involved with? But ladies, what do you think? Have you ever been attracted to someone your friend or family member was with? How did it play out? Did you find yourself being more friendly to the man or interest in knowing more about him? Personally, I think that can create issues with you and your friend, so I don’t even think to take interest in anyone’s lover, boyfriend, or husband other than how they are treating my friend or loved one. There’s too many men out here to do all that.

Be safe everyone.