Waiting for Who?

I don't date, not because there is not any suitable men.  There are plenty.  

I don't date, not because I'm secretly wanting my ex to come back around.  He already tried and it ain't happening.  

I don't date, not because I think I'm not worthy of a good man.   I'll make any man happy and proud.  

I don't date, not because my standards are too high or I'm superficial.  My wants fit the lifestyle which I've accustomed myself to.  

I don't date, not because I'm "waiting".  Waiting for who?

No, I don't date because I have a list of ventures I need to achieve before giving my time and attention to someone other than myself and my children.

I'm still BUSY.

And the audacity of some men to think or assume that a single woman is single because there is something wrong with her is asinine! Or that she is putting more strain on herself by remaining single is more ridiculous!  How about you fools SEE ME LESS!

What I've witnessed from the past 6 years of being single is that some men say they like a woman who is ambitious, keeps a steady schedule, and wants the most out of life, but when the man wants attention that isn't available to give, there is a problem.  I don't tolerate problems, especially if I'm not dating you and if I don't consider you any kind of friend then I don't owe you any of my attention.  And I'm not apologetic about it.

Don't get me wrong, there are men who are very understanding and I appreciate them, they applaud my growth and want me to be amazing; they accept me as I am and give me my space to be great, but these other men....need to stay out of my path.

Let me tell you something...."I'm not over here waiting to be rescued.  There is nothing wrong with my self-esteem, if anything, my self-esteem is too high!  I like my life and I like my progress.  Is it perfect? NO.  Is it easy? NO.  But, I'm not complaining and I'm surely not about to have some man come in and change or dictate everything that I've done and I also won't let him come into my life and reap all my benefits without providing equivalency or stability."

I don't ask for much because I'm getting it myself but, if you cannot ADD value, then don't try to take value from me.

The Newer You

You should never not be learning or bettering yourself. 

Every decision you make, every path you turn to, every experience you have allows you to be "Renewed". The way you think effects how you behave, how you live.  You cannot keep doing the same things, keeping the same connections, reacting the same way and wanting different results...that's insanity.

I've taken many different routes in my life and my way of thinking changed with each route.

I have learned to not be the one who "knows everything", the one who "must have the last word", the one who needs to have "all the answers", the one who "talks the most", the one who is "always defensive", the one who has to "argue my point of view".

I have learned to be humble, to listen, to receive guidance, and to deliver knowledge as I see appropriate.  You will never be able to control anyone else around you but, you can always learn to control yourself and how you view the world.  Not everyone will agree with you because how someone else understands will not be the same as how you understand but, if you are at peace with yourself, their disagreements will not affect how you continue to live.

Stay blessed my friends.

Can you Survive It?

Can you survive an open relationship?

Having an open relationship generally means you and your partner agree to date/sleep with other people without recourse.  Could you be okay with this arrangement?  Does this mean you don't love each other?  Is there more chance of separating?  What if your partner falls in love with the other person?  What are the rules?

I do not think this is a "NEW" way of how relationships can function.  I believed this has been an option (even if it is the last) and reality for many couples for many decades. 

For myself personally, it is not in my make-up to be with someone other than my partner, yet do I think my partner should practice the same discipline?  Ideally, yes. 

In a recent post I stated:

"All I ask of my partner is to be good to my health and my heart.  However he translates that or acts on that is on him.  As my husband, I expect a man to handle me as his wife, a woman who he placed on a high pedestal and who he promised to love, cherish, and protect."

Read full post HERE.

What a man is not going to do is have our lives play out like a reality tv show where I can clearly see him kissing face with someone else.  No sir, you can pack your shit now!  Some men are out here creating new relationships while still involved in one.  The moment you begin to invest into someone else is the same moment your home begins to crack.

With a celebrity reference, a Hip-hop artist mentioned that his wife said, "It's not the cheating that hurts, it's the type of bitches he cheats with." 

We can translate this is many ways...

Yes, it is a bit questionable when a man decides to entertain a woman who is completely opposite from his wife.  The wife may wonder why he would be attracted to someone who does not have her same values or qualities.  But, think about it; he married her for those characteristics; gallivanting with someone of the same nature would be more threatening, No?

Similar to my past, the man I was with for many years invested in someone who was not like me at all.  I did not see the attraction but, over time I cared less and less about this ordeal and let them go off on a journey together while I ventured on to a better life. Men, you cannot give 2 women at the same time the same promises. You are setting the tone completely wrong...hence my last post.

And, Ladies, you cannot control a man with your pu**y.  As good as it may be, there are plenty of other women throwing it to him.  The defining character will be the caliber of man HE IS.  Is he a man of messiness or a man of thoughtfulness? Messy men bring home distractions, babies and, other women to your doorstep. Thoughtful men bring home conversation, love, and attention.

Granted, wrong is wrong and once the vows are said, no one should be stepping outside their marriage but, I am going to be aware of other possibilities.   The issue is, how do you stop from emotions getting involved?

Regardless of what a Husband and Wife decide to do, the Love and the Home should never be at risk.  The moment your Peace is compromised, there is a problem.  *And there are many people who do not know how to truly fortify their marriages.  These are the ones that fail.

---

Raya Laephuang

Writer | Photographer | Intrigued with Human Behavior

“I read the world around me.”

Men Set The Tone

I know I've said this countless times before but since it's inevitable for people to misdirect themselves or others, let me continue to say it....

Men set the tone for a relationship because Men propose the relationship.

Let me repeat....MEN (the ones with a penis and an Adam's apple) set the tone for a relationship because MEN propose the relationship. 

It's interesting the type of men who come across me these days. And the ques they don't think I pick up on or see as a red flag.  Maybe because no one has addressed it with them or they just feel they should take a shot anyway.  Who knows but, I'm going to make you aware of what I see to be an issue.

A man told me he was going through a divorce. His soon to be ex has been giving him a hard time through the trials and they have a young child together.  After telling me all the details of how he feels and the type of man he is, caring, hard working, understanding of all women's wants and needs, etc., he then attempts to ask if I'd like to go out sometime. 

Really sir????

I told him I'm a different mindset in my life and not interested. I also told him it takes time and whether or not he has bad feelings towards his ex, she and their son will need time to accept and process everything. 

Had I accepted his pass, I'd be accepting that I'm going on a "date" with a MARRIED MAN since their divorce is not final yet. And from what this man has revealed, he ex is still sensitive about the divorce so I'm opening myself up to unnecessary drama. Plus, he has a young child, I would expect for the man to make sure his child gets through the divorce before trying to pursue a new woman. — This is the tone he wanted to set?

If you are going to approach a woman with the intentions of something more, approach her fully free of whatever past or obstacle that may hinder you from being great for her and approach her fully prepared to accept the type of woman she is...whether or not something comes of it.  Not every connection is meant to be more.

Once a relationship is started, the man continues to set the tone within the union. BUT, a woman also sets the tone for how a man treats her and behaves towards her. And Women sure as hell should never, NEVER EVER, chase a man.

The issue we face today is that the ratio of men to women is lower than the ratio of women to men. Men have far more to chose from and they know it. And sometimes there is no standards with them — as long as she is pretty and does what he wants. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of men, but women are a bit more meticulous when choosing partners.