Deflecting Anger and Blaming Others

March 25, 2024

“Sometimes you’ve got to acknowledge your own faults.”

I started to write this a few weeks ago, but other topics pushed this one aside so I’m finally getting a chance to circle back. First, let me ask, How are you all doing? Is everything good? Before I start, do any of you have anger management issues? Do you get upset at the slightest inconvenience? Do you go off on people? Do you feel your anger is always someone else's fault? If any of this is you or if you seem to always be in the mix of struggling between anger and peace, then baby sit down because I’m going to tell you something you're not going to want to hear: YOU MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM. AND IF SO, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE.

If and when someone is upset with me and wants to get loud or aggressive. I let them release whatever tension they have. Whether you're a man or woman, I'm going to go ahead a let you be sassy. Especially the men. But the one thing that makes me laugh to myself is when people claim to be happy and in a good place, but so quick to get upset at someone. Sweetheart that’s not a practice of peace.

For people like this, who claim to be happy and tranquil, I just want to say, “Fam, you don’t even know what you're saying. You're just saying because you think it sounds good or it makes you seem like a good person. Sitchoass down in the corner somewhere and think about it. Don’t say a damn thing and just think about what it really means to be at peace.” -- But I don’t call those people out. WHY? Because I'm so good with my life and my growth right now that it would just take away from my blessings and my good vibes. Listen, when I say I’m good, I’m GREAT! Even though I am juggling many things right now, I have steadiness in all of those things. So who ever wants to get upset with me, go ahead and be sassy all you want. Call somebody, talk about me, shoot in the group chat about me, call me crazy, try to disgrace me, go ahead, because a person who doesn't like me isn’t go to say the best things about me, but I know my value to people and the people who do like me know my value, so again, if you're upset with me, give all the sass you want to. Maybe doing that will bring you peace.

People who are so quick to lash out at someone have an immaturity about them or they are around immature people who influence them to act that way.

Here's the thing, if someone isn't stealing from you, messing with your money, causing physical harm to you, or disrespecting your family, then what’s there to be upset about? Doing all that carrying on for what? What does it serve? Even with people who aren't my favorite people, I still don’t say anything foul about them because I’m cognizant enough that I understand my experience with someone isn’t going to be the same as someone else's experience with them. So what do I look like talking poorly about someone to another person who has a different type of connection or relationship with them? For example, why would I talk about a person to someone they are close to like a family member or a close friend? Number one, I don’t speak poorly of people in the first place, let alone speak of them to people they are familiar with. That’s a childish behavior, or people who are like that either do not have much going on in their lives or just likes to gossip. For instance, elderly people tend to gossip a bit because that helps them pass the time and keep their minds active. Baby, I’m not elderly, nor do I not have a lot going on for me or in my life.

What’s that saying? "Small minds discuss people great minds discuss ideas.”

If your main focus is discussing people, then it’s likely that your emotions are reflective of what others do. If so, your mind and your heart cannot be at peace, no matter that you say. I’m not a simple broad, I’m not trying to figure out whose talking about me or who doesn’t like me. If you don’t like me, that’s a shame for you because I’m awesome. I’ve been through a lot of things that has shaped me and none of my experiences made be bitter about people or life. There’s several people I could be angry at right now and there’s plenty of people I can disgrace and talk about, but what does that do for me? My life and my success is moving forward. Why would I step away from that?

If you are upset with someone and think it’s all their fault, it’s not. There’s a cause to everything and don’t think that you are not part of that cause. So before your start blaming people, think about the type of person you THINK you are vs the type of person you actually are and how you have affected other people with your decisions.

Be safe everyone.

Raya's Rundown

March 14, 2024

This is what you’ve been wanting from me….

Let’s start with sports. If you are new around here, I’m an Eagles fan to the core. The whole family is. There’s just something unique and different about my team and there’s just something unique and different about the fans. If you’re not an Eagles fan, bless your heart baby. Anyway, so Saquon Barkley who played for the Giants has always been an Eagles fan, he grew up watching the team and has expressed wanting to play for for the Eagles and now that opportunity has opened up for him and he’s taking it. Barkley is originally from Bronx, NY, but grew up in Lehigh Valley, PA. He played at Penn State, so he has connections to Philly. But Tiki Barber, who is a former Giants player, is not happy about Saquon’s decision. Let’s pause on this for a moment. So Saquon, a grown man, is making a decision for himself and a Tiki, another grown man who is no longer playing football, allegedly tells Sequon, “You’re dead to us.”

First of all, who is US? Is he speaking on behalf of the Giants franchise or is it a particular group of people? Secondly, if that’s how you react to someone else’s choice whether it be personal or professional, then let’s put the clown stamp on you sir. You cannot control what people do, on top of that, you cannot speak for other people. Who made you the spokesperson? This is what happens when men have too much ego, they think they can control the people around them. Tiki, aren’t you the same man who left his pregnant wife for your mistress? Now I don’t know that situation, you and your then wife may have already had some type of agreement, but fam, this is how you look. You may have more than a few character flaws there, my guy. I’m sure in the grand scheme of things my little website will never get to your eyes and ears, but sir, Why are you having a tantrum over this?

That’s like someone being mad at you for doing something they didn’t like, so now they tell people not to associate with you. If any of you are like this, please wear that clown stamp proudly. How are you going to tell other adults not to associate with someone YOU have a problem with? Do you pay all their bills? Do you dress them? Do you feed them? We are not on the playground, baby. Whatever your issue is with someone is YOUR issue, it’s not someone else’s issue. If you are like this, please sit down and just stay quiet. Clowns need to take a break sometimes. Hey, you wanted this side of me, here it is.

Plus, my Daddy likes Barkley move to Philly and says he is a great running back with a good track record. I’m rolling with me Daddy.

A lot of you are asking my thoughts on the Draya and Jalen Green chaos. First and foremost, congratulations on the pregnancy. Let's start there. Next, I'm going to give you both perspectives. If we're looking at the age gaps, Draya has a son who is Jalen age, so of course, that's going to be weird anyone. And that couldn't be something I would do and especially get pregnant, no. I don't know if you guys are familiar with 90s hip-hop, Cam'ron is a rapper from New York, some of his most notable work was during the time he was signed to RocAFella Records, and he has a podcast with another New York rapper, Mase, whose best known for his tracks with Bad Boy label. Anyways, they share their thoughts on this and mention they want to know if Jalen is even cool with all this, like does he have any say or thoughts about this? Or is he just trying to follow suit because Draya is an older woman and is just trying to keep his head down. And what do Jalen's parents think about this because his parents may be close in age as Draya. Jalen was probably watching that reality show Draya started on, and that might be where the infatuation started. Who knows, I know she's getting a lot of flack from this. I don't know how Draya makes her money, but people are saying that she's set herself up comfortably due to Jalen's basketball contract. My sister and I spoke about this briefly, and she told me that if I did something like that, she would be highly upset with me and embarrassed. I wonder if anyone in Jalen's or Draya's circle has those feelings?

But let me now give you the other perspective. He's an athlete. She is a reality tv, Instagram model, beautiful, and semi famous for her looks. They are in the same environment. Their people know each other, they probably go to the same places, he's young so he mostly like hangs out at clubs and lounges and Draya's PR people probably tell her she needs to be out and host parties and be seen mixing and mingling in the celebrity social scenes. Their environments and their surroundings are not far different. Plus, he is not some bouncer at a bar, and she's not some diner waitress. Both of them have publicly made a name for themselves. If it was everyday people in this situation, yeah, I get it, be upset, that's not a proper situation. But like I said, i don't know how Draya makes her money, but her name is obviously known among certain entertainment crowds. So she's not a bum, and neither is Jalen. In a normal light, they're not equals, but in the lives that they've created for themselves, they are somewhat aligned. Can people still find fault it it? Of course, it's natural for the majority to react in disgust. Especially since Jalen is starting his career and has so much to learn still, but no one would have batted an eye if it had been a bottle girl who is his age and got her pregnant.

Take me, for example, I do well and make a comfortable living, which would be better, me dating a 22 year old delivery boy or me dating a 22 year old entrepreneur who's developed a successful business? I could probably have better conversations with the entrepreneur, but outside of that what else would I have in common with him? Neither of the guys would be an option I would decide on because it's just not practical and my life is beyond comparison of a 22 year old, even if he was a 10 million dollar athlete. Again, congrats to Draya, this is what she chose and she's the one who's going to go through it. I wish her the best.

📍NOT MY WORDS: People are commenting that she is “Draya is passed around goods…Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she’s worthy….Jalen is too young to understand what he got himself into.” PLUS! There's now men (other athletes) who's commenting on things she did with them. 👀 People are cold! 🥶

I am so sick and tired of men trying to subliminally convince me I need to be in a relationship. Men who are like this have intentions that do not align with their understanding of me or consider what I want. If I tell you, there’s no value for me to be in a relationship right now, you need to pay attention to that, not make plans to be alone with me to try to get me to see that you are the man I should be with. Or if I tell you that I am comfortable with how my life is right now, and I’m not interested in giving my time or emotions to a man, you need to hear me out. I do not have the capacity to be in a relationship, I don’t have the capacity to be someone’s girlfriend, and I definitely do not have the capacity to be someone’s wife, I’ve held those titles before, I really don’t see a need right night to have them again. And even if that door was open, I’m not going to be with a man who doesn’t listen to me. I’m not going to be in a relationship just to be in one. There has to be value and significance that surpasses a friendship. I want something tangible.

If a man is constantly talking about a relationship or asking what I want in a relationship, he has ulterior motives with me. Why can you not accept my friendship? Or if you just met me, figure out if I’m at least someone you want to be friends with. Start there. And let me be clear, I’ve mentioned entertaining lovers before, that type of relationship is not a traditional one. It’s a European adaptation, moreso French and Italian. Having a lover does not mean we are checking for each other everyday. It just means we admire each other, we encourage and praise each other, we spend some time together, we may have mutual friends and go out socially, we are intimate, but we are not in interference to anything else going on in our lives and we give each other space. And that last part is my biggest thing, SPACE.

I’m building up my passive income portfolio because I may retire from my career, but I am not going to retire from making money. Plus, I’m deep into my dissertation research, and I’m very much involved with the happenings in my family. I also try to make time for people I’ve know for a long time. For instance, I have a friend who is coming in town this week. I have not seen him in over 7 years and he reached out to me to have drinks and catch up. I’m going to go have drinks and catch up with him and I don’t have the patience for someone to be upset about that. When I’m in my zone, I’m in my zone, whether it’s studying, working, or being around loved ones. So if I step out, I just want to relax and not have anyone making me feel bad for wanting to be by myself or for wanting to see about friends who I dearly care about. Yes, I have a lot of male friends and that factor about me is not something that will sit well to certain men. I’m a loyal lover at the very least, no matter how distant I may seem or how emotionally close off I may be, if I’m sleeping with you, I’m only sleeping with you. I don’t want to have to keep explaining my friendships with people or why I like my space.

Let me live. Be my friend, don’t try to be my anything else. If I see something in you that I feel would make a good lover, I’ll let you know in some way, and if that doesn’t happen, then just accept my kindness, funniness, and friendship. Be easy on that other stuff.

📍A man said he wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him I will stress him out because I don’t listen and I don't like sharing my bed. He said, “We can work around that.” - MEN DON'T LISTEN! 😫

In Georgia a father and daughter have been arrested after the father shot and killed his daughter’s boyfriend. Now, there’s always many sides to a story, but the news reports states that the daughter and the boyfriend where fighting, not sure if it was physical, but the daughter calls her father and so I guess that father wanted to protect his daughter and went to where his daughter was at with a loaded gun and shot the boyfriend. Now I take everything I read online with a grain of salt, especially with news reports like this. There used to be a high standard when it came to journalism and there’s prestigious school like Dartmouth University and Syracuse that focuses on helping students become great writers and reporters. Dartmouth was one of my considerations when I was in high school. Nowadays, people just put anything out there and it seems like is more for entertain that information value. What really caught my attention about this story was the daughter is only 22 years old a baby! And the father is 47 years old, still YOUNG. Now 3 lives have been forever altered for poor decision making.

I understand that father wanting to help his daughter, but to shoot and kill someone?! You are 47 years old, that’s still young to me, but old enough to know better and to maybe just get his daughter out of that situation insteading of shooting someone. Plus, I’m not sure how the daughter was raised, but to all parents out there, please raise your kids to have the ability to make decisions that don’t harm them, especially when it comes to relationships. Because much of the younger generation and mindsets today act like they don’t care what happens they’re just so caught up in what they feel at the moment without stopping to think about the consequences.

I pray my kids never put themselves in compromising situations like this, but I also know how I am raising my kids. They are not going to stay anywhere where they are not respected and valued. My kids resemble too many parts of my personality. Both are laid back, my daughter gets excitable about certain things, while my son just stays cool and quiet. My son is the one who doesn’t like to be bothered too much, he’ll come to you if he needs something, but for the most part, let him be and give him his space. And my daughter will tell you quick if she’s bothered, she will not hesitate to walk away.

I pray for the father and the daughter in this story. I also pray for the boyfriend’s family. It’s a sad situation all around. You’ve got to be very conscious on how you raise your kids and what you do around them. Many kids emulate what they see from their parents or whose around them and they either grow up to be the same or learn to be different. But damn, 47 years old and now your being charged for killing someone’s son? And at 22, you should be out enjoying your life, not face criminal charges over a situation you probably could have handled better. 47 and 22, there’s a difference in ages, but similar in mentality. Some people don’t mature with age, that’s why you see them doing things they should know better than to do. Let the kids be kids. If they are in a possibly dangerous situation, do what you can to get them out of it, but don’t get yourself trapped in it. And this goes for people who date other people 10-20 plus years younger than them, where is your mental to be entertained by this person, or have you yet to mature?

Be safe everyone.

Signs Of A Dying Relationship

March 7, 2024

“If you have to walk away, then do it with grace.”

I met someone the other evening when I was out. Don’t get too excited, he’s not a potential. We just had a nice conversation about life. He divulged to me that he was married, although he and his wife were separate all last year, but they decided to try to work things out. He revealed that he does not feel the same way about his wife anymore and is leaning towards divorce. I then proceeded to ask him: “Do you feel you’ve done everything you could to salvage your marriage? If the answer is No then you need to make an effort to do those things.” He thought about it and said, you’re right, I need to try harder. I don’t know if I’ll ever run into this man again, but I hope things do work out for the best for his marriage, no matter which way it goes.

I’d asked that same question to anyone else who is married and thinking of heading to divorce : “Did you do everything you could to make your marriage work?” We talk about a lot of things here, but I am a firm believer that when you get married, you made a promise, a commitment to be there for one another, so you need to do your best to be there for your spouse. Even if you have an open marriage or some sort of understanding in that nature, you still need to consider your spouse first, everyone else is just background noise.

I’m not saying that people should never get divorced, I am an example of divorce. I am saying that if there is still love there, love isn’t enough to make something work, it’s just a feeling, it’s just a chemical reaction. So whatever love you do still have, it needs to be enough to motivate you to make the effort to resolve issues in your marriage. You guys following me? Sometimes people take that “do what’s best for you” mantra in a selfish and unhealthy way. All these self-love and self-preservation affirmations are sometimes used to make you feel better about your decisions, and it’s not always a good practice of thinking especially when you make bad decisions. For instance, not caring what others think is not always the best way to behave. You should care about things and people, and you should do your best not to hurt people, especially if you are married. But, let’s step back a little bit, here are some signs of a dying relationship.

You spend less and less time together
Your conversations or very short and dry
Your conversations always lead to a disagreement
You or partner seem to be very secretive lately
You or your partner are not as affectionate as you used to be
When major things in your life happen, you don’t talk about it with your partner
You don’t say or hear “I love you” anymore
You or your partner are emotionally distant

I know this does not cover all the signs, but I believe any issue can be repaired if you make the effort to do so. If anyone here is married or is in a long-term relationship, and you’re 8-9 toes out of it, stop and think about the relationship, what you both want and come up with a solution that’s healthy for both of you. I have a friend who has been married maybe 4 or 5 years now and he recently got himself a girlfriend. I asked him if he saw that as sign that there are issues in his marriage. He said "No” and told me that he loves his wife and is not thinking about divorce, but sometimes he just needs a mental break from his marital life. He said the girlfriend knows about the marriage and where he stands with it and they just spend time around each other’s schedules.

He also shared that his parents did something similar where both of them had other companions outside of their marriage and what he learned from that was the value of discretion which is the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information. This is not the same as being distant or lying to someone. There’s an art to having discretion, some people know how to do it, others don’t. It’s more of a character trait that you cannot easily learn and people who practice discretion and are good at it are mostly likely to be the most trustworthy people you’ll know.

Should we count friendships into this? It is a type of relationship we have. The signs may be different but, whether we realize it or not, there is a type of dependency we have on our friendships. Sometimes we may look to our friends for guidance, comfort, or even just a break away from something. Having a boys night or a girls night is an outlet many of us use to help us alleviate or not think about the stresses in our lives. Our friendships can be just as important as the other relationships we have. So then what is the breaking point for a friendship. I have only consciously ended 1 friendship and it was based on a difference of values, and the friendship being one sided. It hurt me to end the friendship because I did consider her a good friend, but she shown me a mindset that I just could not agree with and it had a lot to do with her childhood insecurities that become her adulthood insecurities. I just got tired of coddling her insecurities and trying to help her feel better about herself and her choices. It’s one thing to so something that makes you happy, but it’s another thing to do something based on your insecurity or self-esteem issues. It was draining me and I had to walk away. That’s the only friendship I ever broke up from. It’s weird to say it like that, but that’s the reality of it.

And I am probably not the best person to be friends with if you do have self-esteem issues because Baby, my confidence will shine no matter what. And I’m not trying to sound full of myself. I may not get all the attention, but I do get noticed and I just don’t like being around people who use self-pity as a coping mechanism. I also don’t like people who bad mouth women because they feel inadequate around them. See, my self-esteem is built different. Don’t be mad at a woman for being pretty, be mad at yourself for being mad in the first place, because what’s really the problem? And if you’re worried about a man being interested in that another woman, that’s not the other woman’s issue, that’s an issue you need to take up with that man. I’m just saying, don’t misdirect your personal issues towards other people. That’s an insecurity trait.

We ultimately have to decide what is good for us, but when we are involved with other people, we should take a moment to consider them as well and figure out the type of relationship we want to have in comparison to the type of relationship it is right now. Aye, no one said it was easy being an adult, but here were are. We are the big people now. Let’s just do our best.

Be safe everyone.

PSA: A confident woman has the power to make you feel insecure. A mature woman has the humility to let her presence be known without doing or saying much. A bothered woman will be upset either way.