The Perfect Man

What if you could build the perfect man?

Someone just for you. Someone who still calls you even when you are upset with each other, someone who asks if you’ve already eaten, someone who tells you he misses you, someone who compliments you in the mornings, someone who really wants to know about your day and engages in the dialogue. Wouldn’t that be great?

I don’t have much experience with relationships. There is the father of my children, before him was a man I was infatuated with and completely wrong for me, and recently, a man who I’m still figuring out. Of course there were some casual connections in between the three, some could have been more but, didn’t make lasting impressions.

In each experience with a man, there was at least one thing I loved/love about each of them. Let’s start with the man who was completely wrong for me. He was a great “hype man”. I never looked bad to him and he let me know it. He’d always compliment me, what I wore, how my hair looked, things I said, activities I did — he was a the best encourager. Always telling me to go for more. He also didn't like for other men to get too close to me, I didn't consider this being jealous because he didn’t get mad at me for it but, he wasn't shy to let other people know not to cross the line with me. And on the same accord, he didn’t display any inappropriate behavior with other women in front of me.

Next, the father of my two children (this is the most relationship experience I had with any man.) When we weren’t arguing he was very affectionate, always hugging me and kissing me. In public he toned it down but, he always would find a way to touch me. Before we got serious, I took a trip 4 hours away with my friend, it didn’t go as planned and he drove to come get me, he was dependable during our early courtship. And this may sound toxic and it most likely is but, anytime I was upset and said things out of term, he didn’t take offense and shutter away. He’d give me a day or two to cool off and then ask me “What’s up with you?”. *Also, we were both raised in the northeast, so it’s not uncommon that we ‘talk strong’ to each other and women having smart mouths isn’t necessarily considered rude, if you know what I mean. And when I was far along in my pregnancies, he’d come home and cook after working a long day because the understood it was hard for me to move around.

Lastly, the current man, not identified as a relationship but, above a friendship with lover’s activities and quarrels. We have fun conversations. We say silly things to each other and sometimes sit around and we hold deeper discussions. Also, I’m not sure if he has noticed but, there have been times where he’s shown me some of his vulnerabilities and with the type of man I know him to be, that does not happen often. I truly appreciate when he does listen to some things that I mention and makes adjustments for me. He’s also gentle when I need him to be and kisses my forehead when hugging me.

If I could pull apart the best pieces in all of these men and create one, that’d be amazing, but life doesn’t work that way and I’d have a false sense of myself if I believed there were parts of me that aren't better than others. You see, the idea of being created for someone, a soulmate, or an only love is such a fallacy. We connect with people for different reasons and purposes and we have to understand that those reasons and purposes can change. If two people can be involved and grow together without growing apart, that is a gift, a blessing. Accept that no great relationship isn’t without its hurdles. A couple who doesn’t argue is a couple with dark secrets or a couple who lacks passion and interest. Getting along is one thing but, never getting into a debate about your own thoughts and feelings would be amiss. Sometimes the best laughs come after the tears.

The perfect man is a man who sees all that you are and still wants to know more and isn’t afraid to love you.

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Equal or Special

Let’s talk about this whole equality thing for a moment. I am all for women’s empowerment and rights BUT, I do draw the line with certain topics and I am still aware that the male and female sexes don’t always travel on the same frequencies. Refer back to my previous mention of the female brain HERE.

See the text image as an example…Pink felt violated while using a gender neutral bathroom where Blue stated the misunderstanding of what Equality is and Yellow concurs with Blue…as do I.

Even when “Equal Pay” is discussed, we have to understand market segments in different regions on top of work titles, responsibilities, and cost of living. If the argument is a man and a woman are working for the same company, they have the same position with the same credentials, YES their pay should be equal. But, if you are arguing that a woman working for a private company in Texas with less that 2,000 employees vs. a man working in Alabama for a global company with over 5,000 employees with just a salary, not commission based for either, then the argument is lacking relativity.

But pay is a sensitive topic for most, so let’s move on form that. Do I prefer a women’s only bathroom? Yes. Am I okay with shared bathrooms? Yes, if it is a single stall and sink where there can only be one person at a time. Will I use a gender neutral bathroom? No, but if it is my only option then I may consider it. This isn’t just about bathrooms though, this is about how we as women want to be treated. If I am in a professional setting and having a conversation with men, don’t assume I don’t know about business practices or think that I can only relate to female topics like beauty and retail. Now on the other side of things, if I am in a social setting, I still like for doors to be opened for me. I still like for men to be gentleman and be respectful towards women.

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Here is a more personal example in thinking about Equal vs Special: Ladies, say you are seeing a guy, it’s casual you’re still getting to know each other, you hang out, you may be intimate but, overall you enjoy each other. So here is the question: Even though you two are not a couple, would you be okay if he was casually seeing other women too? My guess would be No for many women because you want to be the “Special” one. I get it. There is this stigma that when a man is playing the field he can still be desired but, if a woman has several suitors she cannot fully be trusted…and I agree BUT, I don’t find it attractive for men to be available to every and any woman. Nor do I think women she be that way either. Just my opinion, I know everyone makes their own decisions with their lives. — If you are single, do what you want but as for me, I like to have discipline and standards (because shit, I know my worth). And if I am seeing a guy who chooses to “do what he wants” then okay, I will remove myself from the scenario, because again, I do not find that attractive nor do I want to feel like I have to compete with other women. If he doesn’t know my value regardless of what title we have, then that is his lack of awareness, not mine. Plus, if someone else has the same access as me to a man, then he can choose to spend any of his availability with that person…if you are speaking to someone the same way you speak to me, if you are talking about the same things, and if you are embracing or hugging someone the same way you do to me, then again, go over there. I don’t want to be anyone's option, I’m worth someone’s reason. So if a man so chooses to give the same effort to someone else, I'm good.

Men and women are not fundamentally or socially equal, let’s be honest about that. Although, does that mean one sex should receive more benefits over the other sex? In my perspective, the equality is more about acknowledging that women are more than capable of just baring children and keeping a house clean. Give women the credit of being outspoken, contributing to society and businesses, obtaining their own success, and being able to lead similar lives to men. If I really think about it, I probably more prefer to be treated special than equal, and just be mindful of how fair you are to me as a woman.

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You're Just Stubborn

Have you ever been in a argument and you know your stance is valid but, you are also practical enough to understand that the other person’s stance is just a valid but, you still want to keep going with your opinions?….Yeah, same.

For my astrology people (I do not follow or study astrology that much so correct me in the comments section if I'm wrong about anything), I am a Taurus, an earth sign ruled by Venus; Goddess of love and beauty, likes the finer things in life, nurturing, dependable, grounded, loyal, hardworking, dedicated. I was also born in the Oxen year of the Lunar calendar which has similar characteristics traits. I’ve been told I am the most stubborn mix of all signs…a Bull and an Ox. Well, the other most hard-headed sign is Scorpios who’s presiding planet is Mars which in mythology is the God of war (funny how we connect a Scorpion with war), so these people are considered to have bad tempers and can be secretive and resentful but, it's also said they're known for their passion and loyalty and will fight for what they feel strongly about. Scorpio is also water sign so they go hand in hand with Taurus being an Earth sign and can really thrive with each other if their visions are similar or they could deplete each other…earth drying out water or water sinking earth. So help us all if I get involved with a Scorpio, it will either be WWIII or we’re building conglomerates together.

Anyway, when I hear someone call me stubborn I rather think I’m just very headstrong on what I believe and what I want…even if I’m wrong. It may take me some time to think about that the other person is feeling but, in the moment of a dispute, I can only hear my thoughts. Men are so quick to call us crazy or unstable when we are in midst of an argument but, never want to evaluate their contributions to an issue. Why is that?

Let’s first understand the female brain. There was a book published that also became a movie called, “The Female Bain” which points out that although woman’s brains are smaller, they still have the same number of brain cells as men, just in a more compact space. This was only discovered in 1995. So of course how we compartmentalize thoughts, release endorphins, cortisol, dopamine is vastly different than men.

For instance, when under stress, women like to plan and execute order, we put things where they should be and where they make sense, we organize what we can control. - This can be considered being a neat freak, micromanaging, or having OCD when really we just want some type of order in our lives. Let’s couple this with the fact that throughout history, more “socially accepted” women did better in life which is equivalent to men being successful by being aggressive and competitive. So what that translates to is women being required to be groomed, appealing, attractive, well spoken, sociable, understanding, forgiving, nurturing, and whatever the fck else history has wanted us to be, but men just have to show up and assert dominance.

BUT, when women go against any of those “expectations” mentioned above, we are called stubborn. Do you kind of see where I’m going with this? Maybe it is not me being stubborn, maybe it is the man who wants me to conform to his conveniences because it is easier for him that I comply instead of him setting aside ego and pride to compromise because compromising means to fold and folding to a woman is…unmanly. — Yeah…fck that shit. I will continue to be called stubborn because I’m not going to just say “Yes” to everything a man tells me, especially since I’ve done so much without a male counterpart, so if I have a man in my life, it’s because I want him, not because I need him.

Yet, in all fairness, there is a level of maturity and reasoning needed to be able to be in disagreement with someone and not have it become a damaging toll on how you view or feel about the person. — Then again, learning someone else’s stance on a topic can persuade and determine how close you continue to be with said person.

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So, here a little funny snippet of a text between someone and I. We were going back and forth throughout the day about something really minor and unnecessary but, since we are both the way we are it became something else. Eventually, it died down because I think we both realized how ridiculous it was to be disputing about this particular topic. — Honestly, all of our other minor disputes have been the same way where we ended up being very mellowed and back to ourselves afterwards within 24 hours. Anyhow, what was really the tipping point for me was his text (in white)… I immediately laughed, but I also got upset because he was slightly right — only because I felt like he wasn’t getting my point — but I didn’t want him to know he was right so I just sat there biting my lip wanting to respond crudely and trying to evaluate what to say and not making it seem like I needed to have the last word…so I was like “Fck, let me think before I reply right away because then it’ll just prove HIS point.” It was a painful moment for me and I’ll never admit it to him. 😭😆😂

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Receipts

Today’s climate for women has drastically changed since 50 or even 15 years ago, but for some reason many of us still feel the need to be dependent on someone else. If your whole purpose in life is to be a wife or someone’s arm candy then let me not sway you any different. Some women are good at using their looks to live good in life….I’m not one of those women, trust me I look a hot mess in the mornings and I am not about to rush to get up in the morning to make myself beautiful just to fit someone else’s standard.

Social media tends to drown out female powerhouses who hustle hard and reach the top on their own. And even then, you’ll have critics who will say, “She slept her way into money.” Some people just cannot separate the fact that women CAN do things without a man’s aide. We can do the research, we can request for information, we can call meetings, we can organize. Many things you see around us is Pretty, Sexy, or Visually Pleasing in a way that it dilutes your sense of reality, but there are very intelligent women who use more than their looks to make a living.

• Let me be transparent, I know how I look, I know I’m a bit easy on the eyes, that I appeal to many races because of my “exotic” features, and I sometimes dress in a way that invokes interest, but don’t get it twisted, I’m not gallivanting with several men, asking for handouts, or showing myself to get attention. And even if I share my number, doesn’t mean I am interested, I’m just social. — There are so many unnamed numbers in my phone, I couldn’t even begin to pinpoint what number belongs to who, most times the conversations end after I close out my tab.

I didn’t earn multiple degrees and certifications, and develop more than one stream of income for someone to take care of me. I didn’t start entry-level and pulled evening and weekend hours to meet deadlines just for people to only say, “She’s just a pretty girl.” — Nah fam, I’m more than that. And I also didn’t do all this for someone to come in my life a take away all my accolades because he rather me sit home and wait for him. (No reference to anyone in particular…I know how some of your minds work.)

You may be wondering why the title of this post is “Receipts” or what it has to do with what I am talking about. Well, because there are different categories of women and some of us are in the category of collecting our own receipts. Let me elaborate, I am not one who expects a man to financially take care of me. If he is capable and he offers, that’s one thing, but I will not expect someone to do for me if I cannot do for myself first. SIDENOTE: I do like fresh flowers in my home at least once a week, so if he goes out of his way to get me a bouquet, it’ll mean a lot.

Even if I am seriously involved with a man, he will not have the sole responsibility of carrying us both, I am bringing plenty to the table too. My partner will not be the only one who comes out of pocket, I’ll pick up the tab for us and our company if we are entertaining people, I’ll pay a few expenses, I’ll put money down on a business venture. I may be careful with my finances, but I’m not stingy with my wallet. I can’t take money to the after life with me, so why not do what I can with it while I’m here? One of the benefits of being with someone is that they make your life more enjoyable. I want for my partner to be proud to have someone like me, proud that I am not just a face, that I have my own ambitions and motivation to be great in life and to look over at me and say with confidence, “Yeah, that’s my lady.” We still have our masculine and feminine roles, but on paper, we bring the same efforts to each other. Although, this isn’t about being in a relationship, it’s about being a woman who can stand on her own and mind you, You cannot control who you attract, but you do control who you entertain, who you have interests in and what types of interest you have in a person.

I applaud any woman who strives to obtain and maintain the life she wants and feels she deserves without being co-dependent on someone getting her there. One of the main reasons women throughout history fought for our rights was/is to be seen as equivalent beings to men. — So how can we fight to be equal and to make our own decisions for our lives if we still want to have our hands out waiting to be saved?

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Women

Women's History Month is an annual declared month that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. It is celebrated during March in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia, corresponding with International Women's Day on March 8th.

What does it mean to be a woman?

Does it mean we get the shorter end of the stick, that we eat last, that we support others before supporting ourselves, that we adhere to society's standards?

No.

Being a woman means we wield more power that what we realized. We are more needed than what some of our predecessors may have acknowledged. We are more intuitive, more intelligent, and more willing than ever before.

When we play by the rules, we're good. When we defy the odds we're better.

It's no longer the men who are dominant, women have taken the role of stepping forward and making a difference.

At home, we manage our households and everything that’s included. In business, we keep climbing ladders and everything that’s included in that. In between those realms, we juggle our hopes, dreams, ambitions, right next to our friends, families, relationships, and inner peace. There's an abundance of expectations for women, especially when we're hard workers, dependable, and supportive. We are constantly at battle to prove that we can handle whatever life may throw at us. We deal with so many obstacles as women; some in public, some in private. That's why I can’t stand for people to say to me, "I can't deal with this." You can’t deal with what? Life? Especially, people who volunteered themselves to you in some way and now want to recant. Well, I'm sorry YOU cAn'T dEaL and I’m sorry I'm not as easy as you want me to be, actually, No, I’m not sorry about that but, I know a few places where you can pick up some easy women who don’t have a their minds full, should I send you some info? I have no patience for fair weather people whom are only around when things are good or just to feed their narcissistic needs.

You men aren't the only ones who do things around here, let's be very clear about that. Unless it's a young girl working entry level retail still finding her way in life and needs a little assistance, Women who've started laying down platforms have a lot to think about too. So save me the bullshit about you not being able to deal. I run circles around your life because I get my recommended six to eight hours of sleep so that my cognition and my consciousness stay healthy.

People (men) who think they can just push through all the time aren’t taking care of themselves and are in denial of it. Having the discipline to wake up early at the same time everyday is a success move, but not getting enough sleep is foolish and becomes detrimental to your health which further affects everything you do. One of the books I’m reading called “Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker PhD goes into extreme detail about why giving your body rest is important in our efforts to take on the world. When you don’t get enough rest, it affects your eating habits, your hastiness, your ability to hold constructive conversations, your patience to understanding, your memory, it can also impact mood swings and lead to depression, anxiety, or even long term neurological disorders. Your brain becomes ‘simple’ and it gets harder for you to handle complex thoughts, let alone complex situations. Ya see where I’m going here? I’m not pulling tricks out of a magic hat, there’s been extensive research on this. I wrote about getting rest last year and it is still relevant, see HERE. Why do you think women are such strong advocates of “Self-Care”? We didn’t make up this notion just to have an excuse to go to the spa and take vacations. There is a science behind it and we proactively study it. You need time for yourself? Take it. You want to just hang out with the boys? Do it. You want alone time with you and your kids? I encourage it. You can't be the best you if you don't give back to yourself. And if you are not the best You, then you're half-ass to everyone else.

With me being the type of woman that I am, I'm not for the weak, I want the best for people but, if you are not willing to help yourself, I can only take but so much until I need to save myself. My personality is strong, I don't always listen and I talk back more than I should, but I am aware of myself and agree that there are aspects of me that others find difficult to understand. I also don't ask for much and don't require much attention. I match energies, if you get bold, I get bolder. If you don't trust me, I definitely don't have much in you either. It goes to the old saying, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Don't expect something that you are not willing to give in return. And if you have someone who is always giving without asking for much back, consider them a blessing. I've learned that asking little of someone can be asking too much of the wrong person.

Women have always found a way. If not for themselves, then for others. We find the strength, the courage, the confidence, and the resources to shape what is needed for us to be well. Men may mock us for overthinking or being too intuitive, but many of us women like strategy and backup plans. Think of this, if women didn’t have so many options for birth control, how much effort would men really take to protect themselves? …………? …………..? When it comes to being taught about how to live and care for ourselves, girls are given different lessons from the boys. It's no secret that girls mature quicker than their counterpart, so when the older man is pursuing the younger woman, who should know better?

With many of us embarking into our own businesses or landing executive roles, we are paving the way for other women to do the same, but we hold the responsibility of setting the standards so that the next woman can achieve the same success. We can't get too comfortable. We can't give people reasons to lose confidence in what women are capable of. We also can't mix business with pleasure, that's one of the tops rules of success. And as far as dating goes, women should date across or up and never down, but dating where you work or do business....ummm, doesn't always work out for the best. Related post HERE.

As far as we have come and as much as we have accomplished, Women still have long roads ahead. Here's to us, the battles we've won, the battles we've lost, and the battles we've yet to face. Let the weak stay in the back to learn from our examples. Let the strong be our mentors and lead us up.

Previous Post: “Power Couples”

Related Women’s Topics: Working as a Single Parent to Make it all WORK... | Business Woman to Business Wife | The Busy Woman | The Boys Club

"Some of y'all ain't never had a real b*tch and it shows..." - Jhene Aiko

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In loving memory of a supportive friend who was never anything less…

The Busy Woman

Him: Can I take you out to dinner?

Her: No, I don’t have time.

Sound familiar ladies?

Over the years a certain breed of women have stopped waiting around to be “saved” and decided to save themselves. What does this mean exactly?

It means we have prioritized our lives to put our needs first. Although, please understand that the needs of each woman differ from one to the next. Some of us want to be head of major corporations, some of us what to invest in start-ups, some of us want to travel the world and help others. A post on PsychCentral details 6 Reasons Women are Too Busy. The post was published in 2014 but, it still holds relevance and lets just go ahead and pile on the reasons for those of us wanting to make waves in business.

I’m not sure how it happened but, something just clicked in our brains that the Cinderella stories are far and few in between. This does not translate to all busy women being single women. No, a married woman can still have just as much drive especially if her husband encourages her business spirit. There are not too many men who understand the scope and reasons why a woman wants to be proactive with making her own lane in life, even if her lane is beside his. Some men just prefer woman to stay in the shadows, but there are women who want to be more than just a man’s wife. So ladies, if you have a partner who supports your ambitions without him creating an overcast on you with his own goals, hold on to him, that’s a rare specimen. Yeah, he may want to protect you, but he should also hear you out.

It’s funny, at times when I am at networking events or if I stop somewhere after work to decompress before heading home, I get approached by men who seem to have a preconceived notion of what type of woman I am.

• The Kept Woman (A rich man’s wife)

• The Gold Digger (Looking for a rich man)

• The Spoiled Naive Daddy’s Girl (The temperamental woman who must have her way)

I humor their ignorance on occasion, but for the most part, if I tell you about myself the first time and you do not get it, I’m not likely to have the tolerance to explain myself several times, nor should I, especially when I did not come out to meet a suitor anyway. How you perceive a woman will not necessarily change because she tells you differently; you are either open to understanding her or you are not.

However, I will admit I do appreciate it when men want to be of assistance like when a passersby offers to load my groceries into the car, hold his umbrella up for me even if it means he gets rained on, gives up his chair for me, sees me putting air into my tires and comes to take over the task, help me reach a high item, or lend a hand to carry my bags (luggage, backpack, laptop bag) into the building. I guess that is part of the “Damsel in Distress” ideal and a man wanting to be the hero, can’t complain, but gestures like this are quick and usually without expectation of anything more than just being a decent human.

Busy women juggle many thoughts that lead to an infinite number of tasks. Our brains can be a souffle of madness at any point of the day. Let me give you a quick rundown of what occurs in our silence or stillness:

• Careers: Where am I, Where do I want to be, How do I get there, What do I need to reach that level, Am I highlighting my skills, Am I keeping myself valuable to the company, Am I meeting expectations

  • Entrepreneurs/Small Business Owners: What is my vision, What is my business structure, How much do I want this to grow, Do people clearly understand what I do, What marketing tools do I need, What team do I have, Is my licensing in order, Am I putting aside enough for taxes, Who is my accountant, Do I know the legal perimeters, Do I have the correct insurance

• Education: What do I still need to learn, How much is needed, What is the cost, How long will it take, What needs to be adjust to complete this, What do I plan to do with this, When is that paper due, What day is that exam

• Kids (if applicable): What are the children’s schedule, Where do they need to be on what days, When are their check-ups, Are they eating enough, Who are their friends, What activities are they involved in, What are they understanding or not understanding, What types of choices are they making

• Husband/Spouse (if applicable): What is his schedule, When are we able to have time to ourselves, Is he overwhelmed, What kinds of decisions is he making for the relationship or family, Does he feel supported, Am I communicating well enough

• Meaningful Friendships: Am I reaching out often, Am I being empathetic, Am I being supportive, Am I listening

• Finances: What has to be paid, When is payment due, How much is due, What’s in the budget, What needs to be recalculated, What amount needs to be set aside, What are the stocks doing, What does the retirement fund look like, What is the savings plan

• Health: Am I eating enough, Am I eating the right foods, When is my next check-up, How much am I exercising, How often do I need to exercise, Where do I go, When can I go

For single women - With all this above, what time do we have to entertain men who want us to appeal to their lives and not consider what we have already created. For critics who say, “You find time for what you want.” Okay, that’s fair but, I am going to get my to-do list done first because he’s not going to be the only one who brings something to the table.

For non-single women - If you are doing all this alone, get yourself a new partner. I prefer a busy man, but if I’m married to one, I expect his level of busy to match mine and we will share some of these responsibilities If I mention to you that my car is making a weird noise, you know where the key is, take the car to the shop and get it checked out, and it would be nice if you get it washed on the way home.

By no means am I discrediting a man who may be just as busy; I was raised by a single father of three with me being the eldest. I know some of you men can have a lot on your plate too, but remember the expectations of what a woman should do and what a man must do is contrasting. We are held to separate standards and we are not placed on leveling pedestals. This may be a bias statement but, women hold the burden of taking care of those around her on top of what she still needs to do for herself.

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If you feel you do not have the patience for a busy woman, she probably did not send for you anyway, so step aside, you are blocking her path.

Great Expectations

A man likes a fun girl but, he loves a classy woman. Well, at least the men I am attracted to.
Here is a summary of what I said in an archived post in March 2015:

One of the many things I've learned in "Womanhood" is: What a man expects from you is derived from how he perceives you.  It is not just your image but, also your behavior that plays a part in how a man treats you.  How you present yourself to him is who he expects you to be. 

In my post, Grooming, I talk about being a good woman that anyone can be proud to know, especially a man who you want close to you...not to say that everything we do should be based on a man's likes or dislikes but, if you are a woman who wants a relationship, a marriage, you have to be the type of woman that your type of man wants to marry because again...they are the ones who propose marriage.  

Going back to my opening statement, the men I admire appreciate women of class.  Look, I have my no-so-classy ways but, for the most part, I maintain a good level of sophistication.  As far as image, I'll wear a high slit dress, a backless dress, or a tight dress but, I'll make sure the most of me is covered and if I decide to wear anything suggestive, it's because I feel comfortable and safe with the person I am wearing it for...You can read between those lines. 😉

I place women on a high pedestal because I know we are the better of the two sexes...this is not up for debate.  We are highly intelligent creatures but yes, sadly not all of us utilize our powers for the better.   To achieve our greatness, we have to groom ourselves to fit the lifestyle we have or want.  Having expectations for others can be unrealistic but, having great expectations for ourselves is something we can attain.  The only way a man or anyone can take my greatness from me is if I ALLOW IT.  And if someone is taking that value from me then I have question my self-esteem, to grant a person the opportunity to strip me of my worth.

Ladies, I expect you to be amazing because you were born to be just that.

Times Up #MeToo

I've been reading about the Times Up movement and all the statements and articles that have been publicized.  I do agree that men should know their limits with women, I also believe they should not abuse their authority to obtain anything they want from women.

BUT....

There are still so many women who play on the fantasies with men.  The Times Up Movement is not for woman who just had a bad date or no longer interested in the a man she once allowed to knock her off in the men's bathroom at a nightclub.

No, the Movement is for those who did not have a voice when they were being violated by men of a certain stature.

Yet, I do want to mention that society plays a part in today's sexual influence; advertising food, cars, and events with half naked women.  Everything we see is highly sexualized...I mean, have you seen some of these middle-schoolers today?!  Does this excuse a man to act as he wants?  Fck no. But women need to know where to draw the line as well. 

Yes, I expect to get some backlash about this because there are flaws on both sides of the spectrum.

I've always preached that women need to hold themselves to a high degree of intelligence, professionalism, and discipline.  We CAN get what we want without laying down.  But if you want to be a hoe, go ahead and let you freak flag fly, sweetheart.  Just remember, there are consequences to your behavior.

If you decided to use your body to get ahead, how do you expect men to view you?  If you continue to allow a man to mistreat you or demand certain activities from you, why would he think that you feel wronged?  Even if the actions are morally or ethically wrong, if it is allowed to continue, what value do you have for yourself? When do you say, “Enough, I am not going to let him do this to me anymore!”?  As I read some of the stories, I wondered about their self-esteem, about their lifestyle choices, and the people around them who turned an eye.

This is not to bash women, I understand a woman being scared, feeling like no one will believe her, thinking nothing will change, or hoping that agreeing to certain advances will grant her other opportunities.  I do believe that some of these women who came forward did not have a voice at the time.  Sometimes when a woman is wronged, her basic knowledge of relationships or interactions with men is compromised; she shuts down and will not discuss anything until she feels it necessary.

But understand this...

WE WOMEN ARE A LOT MORE POWERFUL THAN SOME WANT US TO BELIEVE.

And when we band together....You betta pray your name isn't on the list.

There was a story about a medical professional abusing young gymnasts is BEYOND disgusting.  My opinions on men like that are extremely vexed.  This type of abuse of power is demeaning to our human understanding of medical professionals and their responsibility to keep us healthy.

When you use your authority to wield towards your benefit, NO, that is not justifiable.

Grooming

We groom ourselves for certain triumphs.  Study hard in high school for good grades to be accepted to the best colleges.  Practice our interview skills to land the best job.  Improve our craft to move up the ladder.  It's no different to being a single person wanting a certain type of relationship. 

People are not designed and engineered to be "made" for you.  We cannot expect a box from Santa with the perfect partner inside. (Dear Santa, I need a man over 6', who dresses well, does what he says he's going to do, a good protector, loves me with his whole heart, and makes me smothered pork chops when I'm having a bad day.)  Reality: We cannot expect for someone to automatically know how to respond to us.  What we can do is set guidelines for ourselves.

Be a woman any man can be proud of, whether associate, friend, colleague, or partner.

The other day, I admitted to a man that I was a bit ashamed of the some of the choices I made when I first met him.  I explained that as a woman, I placed expectations of myself to NOT be a particular type of woman.  He differed with my words and stated I had no reason to be ashamed which, I can emphasis that a man's perspective will be different from my own and I don't expect anyone to always see my point of view.

As a woman, a single woman, a mother, a single mother, I personally feel I need to behave in a certain manner.  I need to make decisions that will not negatively impact my life or those who depend on me.  When it comes to men, I need to be extremely careful with how I behave because I do not want to be thought of as a woman who should not be taken seriously or a woman who can easily be broken.

I can honestly say, No man I've met in the last few years has placed me in the category of  a woman he can degrade or demoralize.  Yay me...but, if a man decides to talk to me cray, all hell will break loose!

It's not just grooming myself for a great husband, it's more so grooming myself to be a good, respectable woman with or without a husband. 

Better Decisions

I really need women to make better decisions, especially those who keep making the same bad ones. Yes, it is great to take risks but, if you know the risk is going to give you the same result, then What.The.Whole.F are your doing? Reevaluate yourself; you cannot change others but, you can change how you react to others.

DISCLAIMER: I'm hard on women because I know how we can be. AND because I've been the silly girl before.

I'm definitely not innocent of making bad decisions, I've made PLENTY! But, instead of making the same ones over and over again, I had to look at myself and list what I could have done better or different.

You really cannot be mad or overly dramatic at someone else for the results of your poor decision making. This may be hard for some people to accept because most people have "hope" for making questionable choices...and sometimes that's blind hope.

When I was younger, my father would tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I was moping around the house complaining or feeling defeated. I didn't understand why he didn't comfort me more but, now I understand it.

As I see people around me, complain and talk about how bad things are for them, I begin to do a blank stare. Especially, with people who just need to make better decisions or just need to decide on SOMETHING and follow through!

❓ Don't like your job?

Take a class, get a certification, earn a degree, begin a business, add to your resume and move on. You think that's too much? Then stop fckn complaining about your job!

❓ Don't like being broke?

Well, I guess you'll need to evaluate your income vs your spending!

This part was hard for me since I like fancy things but, I had to buckle down and set aside my money in 4 categories: Bills, savings, kids, and personal spending. I've also opened myself to having more than one stream of income. If I like spending, I need to be making.

BUT WOMEN REALLY MAKE THE WORST DECISIONS WHEN IT COMES TO MEN...

❓❓ Don't like your relationship? Welp, again you can't change others but, you can change your level of happiness. So, stop fckn acting like you're confused or don't understand why things aren't going right. Move the fck on! Many of times, YOU are the reason for your broken heart; holding to someone who you know isn't for you. It's like you're saying to yourself, "Okay, I'm good to get hurt again."

---

Raya Laephuang

Writer | Photographer | Intrigued with Human Behavior

“I read the world around me.”

You Don't Go Together

Just because you are "talking" to someone, doesn't mean you go together...

Ladies, if he has not asked you to be his girlfriend and you have not agreed,  you don't go together! Yes, it's like a marriage proposal, the man asks and the woman says yes or no...I'm pretty sure I've said this many, MANY, times in previous posts.

He can tell you he likes you.

He can tell you how good of a woman you are.

He can tell you that he really depends on you.

He can tell you that you're not like other women.

He can tell you he's not seeing anyone. 

He can even tell you he loves you.

BUT, if he has not asked you to be his lady, YOU. DON'T. GO. TOGETHER.

It doesn't matter if you had/have sex with him or if he seems like the type who doesn't sleep around, YOU. STILL. DON'T. GO. TOGETHER.

Look, I was once the woman who took many things a man said to me and ran with it. 

Yeah, he wants to be with me, he's just figuring things out right now.

No, we're really together or dating, it's just complicated.

Yeah, he really does like me, he just doesn't know how to express himself. 

LIFE LESSON: Don't run with scissors.

Here are some more signs that you don't go together...interchangeable to men and women.

• When you make it known you are having a bad day or having a rough week and (s)he doesn't check up on you or if (s)he does but, doesn't follow up.  - I'm guilty of this. I may initially express my concern, but that's it, I rarely check back for an update. BECAUSE I DON'T GO WITH ANYONE.

• (S)He doesn't respond to your calls or texts. - I'm guilty again. I'll read a message and never answer or respond days later, no matter who is reaching out to me and BECAUSE I DON'T GO WITH ANYONE.

• (S)He doesn't make an effort to make plans with you or spend valuable time with you. - Busy is busy but, you make time for those you want to keep in your life; I may move my schedule around for someone, but until he officially asks me, I DON'T GO WITH ANYONE.

So people, let's do our best to avoid girl/boyfriend emotions when you weren't even allowed that position.  Also hear this, If you are not legitimately in a committed relationship with someone and your feeling get hurt, that is YOUR issue not his/hers.

Committed Relationship = Two people agree that they are exclusive and working towards combining their lives and making a future together.

And don't expect your non boy/girlfriend to come coddle you or be interested in "we need to talk" or "I need closure." WTF do you want to talk about?  WTF do you need closure for?  This ain't Oprah or Dr. Phil.  

It's like you putting your food in someone's refrigerator and you tell the person he can have it if he wants it.  You're hoping that he sees this act of generosity and will return the favor with equal affections but, instead he eats all the food, says "thank you" and then leaves the dishes in the sink for you to wash, because c'mon, you will do what you can to show this person you belong there.  And now you get upset and want to have a dramatic sit down to talk about it because you feel slighted.  WHY? You created this scenario!

**In some defenses, people don't automatically see the error of their way unless it is brought to their attention but, let's not hang too heavily on this notion since he's not your boyfriend. He's just someone who is in that gray area that you want to crossover with, instead of just letting it be and allowing him to filter himself into that role or filter himself out of your life.**

But hey, what do I know, I'm just a single broad who loves my space and doesn't require much attention.  Just feed me and tell me I'm pretty every now and then.

Learn to control your own emotions, or better yet, STOP trying to coax someone into wanting to be part of your future.

You can boohoo all you want to...

and he may entertain some of your tears but, if you are not his woman...

Some people, mostly men, already do not do well with emotions, so if you start with the water works, don't expect a clear and concise resolution. 

Honesty Moment: I am not the friend you should cry to if you have a broken heart.  I'm going to point the finger to YOU, and ask you what you did to get yourself in this mess. Now if everything you tell me directly points fault to the other person then, yes, I'll coddle your hurt feelings but until then, I'm scrutinizing YOU.

Sorry, a little harsh but, sometimes I have to give you guys some tough love.  Com'ere, and read this quote below...

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Gandhi

And yes, my friends get this same verbiage from me when they do silly shit and get their emotions wrapped up in a man who's not their boyfriend.

She Did WHAT?!

Ladies, I don't want to judge but, I just cannot get my brain to wrap around the idea of it being "acceptable" for a woman to propose...

Let's just go ahead and emasculate a man completely and get down on one knee with a box from Jared's....

Let us women just take control of the relationship and weaken a man's dignity...

So, who is going to go dress shopping with him and make sure his figure looks great in a fitted gown?  Will he get french tips?  How high should his heels be?  Which bouquet will he pick out?  Will you cry when you see him walk towards you down the aisle with his hair and makeup all done?

Can you grasp my discontentment of this whole idea?

It is NOT MY PLACE to ask a man to be my husband.  I feel the same way about a woman proposing a relationship (if you've been reading my previous post, you already know this.)

Yes, I believe in a trusted and sacred union of two people but, I also believe a man's role is separate from a woman's role when it comes to being in this union.  We are equal in heart and can mentally balance each other but, a woman's position is not the same as a man's. 

I look to a man to lead us into a relationship further leading us into marriage.  However he decides to begin that path is mainly for his benefit, I either take the path with him and accepted what I am compromising or walk alone in another direction.

And let me not start on the men who allow their women to drop down on one knee to propose to them. Something in the relationship occurred or behaviors the man has displayed let his woman know that she has to take the first step to becoming husband and wife.  Maybe I'm too old school, maybe I need to get with the times, maybe I should just go sit my single ass down somewhere, but I will not and I repeat, I WILL NOT ASK A MAN FOR HIS HAND IN MARRIAGE!

Have a Strong Presence

A woman should never feel the need to be the "man" in the relationship.  Nor should a man be so inadequate that he allows a woman to dominate the relationship.

I have a strong personality but, I am not going to allow it to overshadow my partner and if there is a situation where I am too forthright in my opinions or actions without considering him, then I need him to call me out on it.  Don't disrespected me, but let me know that I overstepped my boundaries. 

And if I am not hearing you, find a way to help me understand, because if you back away, avoid addressing it, or just give in, then who is the head of this relationship? And why should this relationship continue if you don't want to make an effort?

Be proud of me and step in if I drift of into doing, saying, or being someone who may cause more concern than comfort.  Don't just be with me...be present with me.  Sometimes people can notice hairline cracks without anyone pointing them out. — I don't want cracks in my relationship…or a least I don’t want not significant enough for others to see.

A. MAN. SETS. THE. TONE. IN. THE. RELATIONSHIP.

As strong willed as I am, I am NOT the head of the relationship or household.  I will put aside bearings to allow a man to lead me...he may have to put me in my place a few times...respectfully...but, my place as a woman is not the same place of a man.

Even though I believe both people equally make a relationship work, I can empathize if a woman decides to be the one to make the adjustments to suit a man's life, ONLY IF she feels truly loved, protected, and provided for spiritually. 

A woman will do anything for a man when she feels loved...But ladies, let's not let the love blind us into making foolish decisions that leave us with egg on our faces.  Always remain smart about what you are willing and able to do.  If he loves you, he will understand and not put you in a position where you need balance what he wants and what you are not comfortable with.

Expectations of a Woman

Women, please understand that WE are the pinnacle of life.  Throughout history, women were place on a pedestal, men fought each other for our attention and love....

Now, what the hell has happened to us?

We parade ourselves like cheap ornaments and chase after well-to-do men who may or may not be married, and get easily sensitive when we don't feel good enough.

**Even, I'm not void of snapping a few "thirst trap" pictures here and there.

YOU WERE BORN GOOD ENOUGH!

It may not seem obvious in my posts but, I am a very reserved and conservative woman.

I believe a woman should take pride in her deliverance to the world and not showcase herself in a way that may cause doubt...then again, any way we behave will incite critics from all angles.

I won't throw myself at a man simply because he buys me a drink or give me a compliments.  To be honest, I get a little uncomfortable when a man offers to buy me a drink...What is his motive? What does he want in return? How often does he do this? What are his intentions?...I admit that it is not great to think this way but, this is what the social scene has become for singles...or people who portray being single...<< Yall ain't shit and some of you are my friends but, you still ain't shit.

Almost every time I go to a happy hour or just swing through one of my favorite bars, there is a man or two willing to buy me endless drinks and overload me with compliments.  It is endearing and sweet BUT, where is this going?  Especially, since I did not come out to find a lover.  So, I listen and add to the conversation but, I keep it very casual, although, at least I think I do.  I don't just bat my eyes and ask for another drink or how much is in his 401K.  No, I ask how his day was, give praises to his accomplishments, inquire how he made his way to this bar, and wish him safe travels home.  This has become my basic dialogue with men.  Some of them try to derail me and talk about continuing the night, No sir, it was nice to meet you, have a good night.

Remember, men will be men among men...mainly foolish and stupid.  I'm sorry fellas, I love you guys but, we know the truth. It is our right as women to know better, behave better, deliver better, expect better, and just BE BETTER.

Now when starting a new relationship...

I do not believe a woman should make compromises early on when meeting a man.  Once you make the first life adjustment for him, he'll expect you to continue to make more adjustments catering to him without him doing much in return. No, no, no...if we are going to be serious with one another then my changes will need to equal your changes; whatever change we feel is necessary and conducive to our relationship.

I also do not believe a woman should share her relationship details with everyone.  It ain't official if it's not on Facebook! << You can keep that feeble thinking away from me.  I've seen so many people on my timeline share just a little too much about their personal life and then all of a sudden, the relationship disappears.   It is great to be proud of who you are with and it is also great to share your happiness with a few pictures or comments here and there but, keep in mind, many people disguise their negativity with empty praise. 

Keep your personal business to a minimum.  We don't need to know why you're arguing, or why you are upset because you let him use your car and now he hasn't come home in two days, or that he does not contribute to any of your bills but, he's always in your house.  << YES, for some reason women still treat grown men like their sons, taking care of them, catering to their needs and getting little appreciation in return.  My son has no idea how pampered he is.  While dropping him off a school the other morning, he demanded I go to McDonald's and get him food before I pick him up at the end of the day.  He also requested I put his tablet in my bag and not to touch it.

You want to be a good woman, GREAT, you want o show him you can maintain a relationship, manage a home, and conduct business, AWESOME but, be a good woman to a DESERVING MAN.  Otherwise, just be his friend with set limitations of your willingness and support; add on as he adds on...value.

Many times you can prove to a man that you are a good woman without doing the most for him.  My intentions for my future husband will not be much different from my intentions for my friends, and that is to support, uplift, motivate, and love them...of course, my husband's benefits will be on a different level...but still, it is the same basic formula.

Must Read For Women

You cannot make a man want you.  As much as you may like him and try to hide your "crazy" so he takes interest in you, you still CANNOT make him want you if he has no thoughts of wanting you or being serious with you.

When a man likes you, he will make the effort to tell you, show you, because again, he will be the one to pursue and court you.

BUT, ladies hear me out....we also need to identify the man that we may have our eyes on.  Watch how he interacts with other women, are you just another face in the crowd or does he make a special effort to be different towards you?  A man will not change just because you ask him to.  If he has a lot of women lusting over him, that may not stop once you have him but, what should stop is how he addresses the other women.  If you are in his consideration, he will make the right moves to accommodate your heart. 

I have a male friend who I poke fun of because he seems to be the type that loves attention.  I call him a hoe and a floozy all the time.  But, in actuality, whatever he does on his own time is none of my business and he is a single man, so he can behave as single men may do.  As far at the attention element, that is due to the of the type of business he is in, so his behavior towards women may be flirtatious or very friendly but, that is just how he engages with them. Aside from all of that, he's a good guy.

  We cannot be naive about the attention we may receive or overthink his affections or lack there of.  Keep in mind that men who are very driven and focused on their careers/success may not have eyes on any woman because he does not want to give the wrong impression when he knows he cannot offer a woman his full time or attention.

Another male friend of mine falls into this mold.  I barley can get him on the phone because he is constantly traveling, in and out of meetings, making business deals, etc. And we've talked briefly about relationships and having someone to spend time with but, we are both in the same structure in life where we know we cannot fully offer ourselves to someone just yet...we still have some work to do.

All and all, Ladies, you should never have to chase a man.  If he wants you, he'll come for you.

Different Languages

What did Tevin Campbell say? "Can we talk for a minute?"

Let's face it, men and women speak different languages, whether it is family, friends, or lovers.  A man may not receive what I say how I delivered it to mean and I cannot assume he will automatically know the intent of my words.  Yet, what I can be aware of is the person of whom I am speaking with.  Depending on your audience, you may have to adjust your speech, the words you use, the tone you use them in, your expressions, your body language, all of that, so there is no misunderstanding but, again....different languages.

So, what if the conversation is through text and someone misinterpreted the meaning of your message?  Again, know your audience, although, in the same sense, your audience should know you as well.  Either way, depending on the connection you have with said person, you may need to decipher whether or not it is worth explaining your meaning or intent.  If the one who misunderstood, lashed out before any clarity, then I suggest accessing the reality of this person in true form and not even invest anymore thought in communicating at all.  Why continue to look at your dirty hands when you can just wash them clean?  Buuuut...it's not my business how you communicate or how frequently you communicate with silly people.  Carrying on...

I have realized that some men tend to forget they are speaking with a woman and say things that just make NO SENSE AT ALL! (Okay, I know I have male readers, I am not a man, so my perspective is purely of a woman and my experiences with your kind.  Sorry but, not really.) And I find myself giving a sideways look or reaction as if to say, "Did this just happen?  Am I slow?  Did I miss something?  Is he speaking to me like that?  Is he serious?"...Then my mind wanders elsewhere..."I wonder if my dry cleaning is done.  Did I pay my car note yet?  What did my boss want me to do tomorrow?"

Here is my disclaimer: I am going to be very frank to any man who is reading this and any man I come across, I don't do the dramatics especially if you are a MAN.  Yes, at times I am overzealous, facetious, and nonchalant, not for reasons of being a woman but, for reasons of where I am at in my life right now.  And YES, I can be dramatic if I want to, why? BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN, it is in my nature and in my contract with God to be an emotional mess when necessary or unnecessary.  Unfair?  Oh well, write a book or pray about it.  And I know for damn sure I am not quiet about my opinions on love and romance at this point in my juncture; ask any man who has had a conversation with me about it.  So if you have an issue, state it.  Whether you feel I am being cold, insensitive, selfish, spoiled, stubborn, whatever, tell me but, please collect your thoughts before hand and make sure your monologue is something I will be receptive to....if I do not respond, WAIT.  DO NOT begin to assume anything of what I may be thinking.  I guarantee you cannot fathom how my thought process works.

If a good amount of time goes by and I do not respond, then contact me again, because if you were not aware, let me educate you, I work, I have two children, I maintain a website, I read, I study, I have friends, I socialize, I live my life accordingly and there is a possible chance that I did not have time to answer you.  Yet, if I consider you a genuine friend, someone I can see a steady connection with, then I do make a point to set time aside to respond (Note: This list of men who I consider in this manner is very small...more like one person whom has been very patient with me, accepts who and where I am in my life at this moment, so yes, this one man does get very thoughtful and thorough words from me and has been just as consistent with his communication towards me.  I do have other guy friends I catch up with from time to time but, they are in a different category from this particular man).

Also make note, I will prolong my response to you if you were in anyway demeaning, aggressive, or shown me a completely unappealing side of you, in which case I may never respond.  So speak to me in the language that YOU feel is correct as a man and I will speak to you in the language that I feel is correct as a woman.  If there is misunderstanding, address it and be patient, or let it all the way go.  I use myself as the reference since I cannot speak for all women but, the many I know concur with these thoughts. 

Adding to the topic of interpretation....

What say you of this? Initially when I read it, I did not understand the meaning but, the statement is left open for you to distinguish your own meaning.

My view of it is both men are behind masks so anyone's face could be under that mask.  Batman represents heroism, doing good for others, making the right decisions, and everything we are taught as children to do or be mindful of.  The Joker on the other hand, represents everything else.  I do not necessarily see him as the face of evil but, more so the face of reality......the reality that the world is not as perfect once we walk pass our mailboxes.  The reality that the world contains so much more chaos then we would like it to have and not everyone is a hero at all times.....not even Batman.  And while you are letting that sink in, let me add another thought for your cerebrum....Batman is always so serious even as Bruce Wayne, just very stern, while Joker is always smiling even when being defeated....and they both seem to have an equal amount of weight on their shoulders.  Yup, let that marinate.

Speaking of marinate...
I was elected to cook this weekend....yup, while I was away from home but, my friend was away from home as well, so no, I did not mind at all especially since the request was pork chops!  Que in Lionel Richie...Hello...

A Queen Doesn't Play The Joker

One of the many things I've learned in "Womanhood" is: What a man expects from you is derived from how he perceives you. If you are boisterous and dramatic, even though it may be nerve wracking to him, your actions will not be a surprise to him. If you are quiet and docile, he won't expect you to overpower a conversation. If a man meets you at the park playing on the swings with your kids, how do you think he views you? If a man meets you at the club lap dancing on the local celebrity but, you don't work there, how do you think he views you?

Much like, don't post sexually suggestive ideas on Facebook and then act like a prude and take offense when a man approaches you about it. That's not how he thought of you, otherwise he would not have approached you in that manner.

Also, don't have him bring you to an upscale restaurant and cause a spectacle with the waitstaff because your plate came out with 4 jumbo shrimp instead of 5. He thought highly enough of you to be a classy woman who would simply tell the waiter of the mistake so it can be corrected instead of being carried out by security. (I know this example is a bit extreme but, you get my point.)

I say all this to say....How you present yourself to him is who he expects you to be so don't put on an act knowing the script has an end. I recall a distinct memory from my previous relationship that is relative to this topic; I posted a picture of an aggressive gesture on a social site that was public. My love saw it and asked me to take it down. I brushed it off like it was not a big deal but, when he explained it to me, I felt silly and took the picture down. 

In summary he said, "You are not that type of woman. That is not how you are and if people see that picture, they may get the wrong idea about you. Don't let people speculate the wrong image of who you are."

He was right, I didn't and don't want to be seen as a careless, facetious, and ignorant woman. Women who pride themselves with substance and class are held at a different and most likely higher degree than those who pride themselves with....well, I'll let you fill in this part. A respectable woman should not digress from her stature to gain bleak attention. 

You can be interesting and entertaining without playing the fool and becoming the joke.

Testing Him

I am not positive if these are truly his words but, let's not focus on that:

It is very endearing for a man to show he is interested in a woman and shows that he wants her in his life. Yes, we like for men to earn us, to fight for us, to stand by us, to understand us, to comfort us, to admire us, and to love us.  I like flowers, I like "You're beautiful" text messages, to be held, to be tended to, to be introduced to his colleagues, to be looked at with sincerity....I LOVE ALL OF THAT!  But, I will not have that, if I keep pushing away because he may eventually stop pulling. (Please note that there is no man in particular I am speaking of, it's just a generalization.)  A man is still human and has his limits just like we have ours.

Those of us who have been through chaos will not be so willing to let a man have all of us but, we have to slowly allow our walls to break down to let love back in.  If a man has sincere interest, he will help you break down the wall but, don't allow one brick to crumble just to lay another brick behind it.  No, we don't always like to be vulnerable but sometimes being vulnerable gives opportunities for someone to make us smile.  We can't always turn the cold shoulder on those who want us. 

There's no need to always test him.  If he gives you his time, loyalty, and respect, why question his interest?....you already have it.  Trust me, I am as inquiring as they come and I "Why?" everything.  I notice myself doing it less because that crazy earnest feeling to know every detail is digressing slowly from my persona; I am learning to accept and not doubt the good in a man.  Yes, certain experiences from my last relationship has me cautious and hesitant but, I am not going to allow those bad memories deter me from making great memories with someone amazing. 

Don't let a good one go just because you can't let go of past hurt. Grow to #LOVE