"Be the change you wish to see..." - Mahatma Gandhi

I wasn't planning this topic, but after all the messages I got from you all from previous topics, I figured I'll make a summary of my responses. Actually, a lot of your messages to me encourage most of these topics.

In the post called "Don't Be Scared" I mention that I didn’t always appreciate a man having command presence like then I told you a previous lover asked me "What if I want to love you." And I didn't know how to say. He caught me off guard, but even with my awkward response, he still kept his interest in me.

I like a man who keeps his confidence in a way that isn't disrespectful to me. That lover could have stopped talking to me completely when I didn't respond in an acceptable way, but no, we still continued to be involved.

But I think now I not only like the command presence, but I like it with softness. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but let me explain. I like a man who has confidence in a flirtatious way. And I was raised up north so many anyone from the northeast or upper midwest can understand our abrasive vernacular, we don't mean any harm, we just talk a littler harder to each other. Even my friend told me recently that my mouth can be offensive to people who don't either know me well or don't understand how northeast people are.

I like a man who talks to me like he's the best thing for me, whether or not it's true, he still says things that make me feel really girly. Let me use a previous lover as an example.

Say the Althete calls me up and asks to come hang out with him and I'm a little hesitant, but he just says something like, "Girl, just come out, you know you want to." But as I'm getting ready to go out with the Althete, Poppa rings my phone and asks me to hangout, and I tell him I'm already going to see someone. Instead of just accepting that response, he says to me, "You know you'll have a better time with me to give that other guy a raincheck." See, things don't have to be foul when exerting dominance, it's just having that a healthy level of confidence and who ever I choose to go see the other one doesn't get bothered because they'll still know their own value...and that's what I admire in people.

In the two posts called, “The Married Man Review” and “I'm Dating a Married Man” - These 2 post are the ones I've gotten the most messages about in the last few months. And let me say this, I used to be naaive about married men, even married women. I wasn't naaive to where I didn't think there wasn't such a thing as infidelity, but in my mind I thought married people who did that just had open marriages and definitely told people they are married. I guess I just thought, we're all adults and a man or woman wouldn't hide the fact they're married, because you never know what someone else's morals or beliefs are (especially a single person's). But in my experience of what I've seen, whether you are single or married, you need to be realistic about what you're doing otherwise you could be affecting some else's blessings depending on what you do and you or the other person believes.

The next topic I still get your thoughts on is the whole dating someone young and how young is too young? Someone told me the safest age gap is half your age plus 7 (with considering they are also above 21 years old). I don't know where he got this equation from, he's also someone who has a certain image to uphold and won't tarnish it by being involved with a woman who's way too young. But that seems like a decent equation to keep in mind. I was having lunch with a friend who's in his early 50s and we were talking about this topic and he said there's no way he could be serious about some 26 year old sales associate or waitress. Mentally, it just doesn't make sense. As a matter of fact, that 25 year old who I refer to as Chicago, called me. I no longer had his phone number saved and I usually don't answer unknown calls, but I was expecting a business call, so I answered with my professional voice, "Hello, this is Raya", thinking it was the call I was waiting on. Nope, it was him. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew I fucked up. I wasn't rude, we chatted a little, he asked why I ghosted him and told me about the things he's been up to. He told me about an older woman he was seeing recently, but decided she wasn't a good fit for him, he told me about his travels, and work. He actually gave me a true adult conversation which I appreciated, but just like previously, I told him there cannot be anything intimate or romantic between us and he stated he finally understood and just want to be able to chat with me again. I'm hesitant about this and not sure if I'll reprise a friendship with him, but I am happy to hear he's been doing good. My friend told me to be cautious of him, he may be a good guy, but the emotional intelligence, the understanding of our responsibilities, and the experience between me and the young man don't align. I let me friend know I'm already very aware of these points. I'll be cordial at best. My life is good, so there's no reason for me not to be kind to people, especially those who show kindness to me.

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽