“Wanting a good lover and being a good lover is one in the same.”

I recently watched an interview with Keke Palmer, and she was talking about how she met her partner. And I instantly loved the story she told. She says they met casually at a party, and at that time, she wasn’t looking for anything serious, just someone to have a good time with and move on. But as they got to know each other, they started to realize they were a good match. Keke also says that personal growth contributed to her being ready for love and that when she was younger, she was attracted to a different type of man. But now, she's with a man who fulfills her wants. And I just applaud all of this. I hope they last a very long time.

So it got me to thinking, if I were to create a perfect lover, what type of man would he be? What qualities would he have?

I guess I would start off by wanting a man I meet naturally, like just casually out, and we meet each other that way. And I love it when men who are handsome but don't really know that they are handsome so they don’t act arrogant or full of themselves. I also like men who are a little shy, so they don’t know exactly what to say to a woman, but they are still confident enough to say something. But most importantly, I absolutely love a man who is funny and knows how to laugh even at himself. I like to be silly. Even when I sound serious, I still give some sort of sarcastic undertones. I want my lover to match my humor and start having inside jokes that only we get.

As far as his character, I want an honorable man who sticks by his word. And I want him to be meticulous about his ways where he doesn’t cause me to question the type of man he is. I'd like for my lover to be family oriented, supportive of his friends, contribute to his community, and still make time to see about me.

I need my lover to be a comfort but also a challenge. I want him to pull the best out of me and be open to me pulling the best out of him. I don’t want someone who throws in the towel after one disagreement. Even if we're at odds, I still want him to care about my well-being an not try to convince himself not to be good to me or communicate with me.

In the next few years, I'll be presenting my dissertation to various groups of people in different sectors of education, leadership, and government so I’m going to be collecting a lot of research. I would love for the man with whom I'm intimate with to show his support in some way whether it's him sitting in the crowd, encouraging me backstage, sending me a sweet message, or sending something nice to my house or my hotel to remind me that he's thinking of my and wishing me the best.

I don’t want a man who feels like he is being overshadowed by my ambitions and decides it too much for him, so he steps away from me. No, I want my lover to know that I will show up and show out for him, too. This is a mutual thing. I want to listen to his goals and insights and figure how I can help or support. I want us to speak the same language so we can understand each other and keep learning from each other even if we decide to stop being intimate.

I want my lover to be my friend. A good friend and a true friend. Not a friend who only considers me a friend when I do things that only appease him. But a friend who also sees where he could be a better friend to me and acts on it.

I want a lover to be able to look at me from across a room and know from my facial expressions if I need him to come next to me or not. Or he just looks over to let me know he's keeping an eye on me to make sure I'm okay.

But one of the things that makes me weak is chivalry. I love a man with gentlemanly traits and doesn't make me feel like I always need to be so independent. I don't know how to explain this but chivalry is an element of subtle dominance. And I love it when a man does things that allows me to completely be a delicate woman. Bring out my soft side. A good lover deserves that part of me and I want to be a good lover back.

Is this a lot to ask? Do men like this exist? Ugh. Let me just stay in my zone and keep minding my own business because I don't have the patience to ruin my pH balance for a man that's not at least 80% like this.

Be safe out there.